You don't have any control over who are your parents, siblings, aunts,
uncles and other family members. And you can not determine who will
become your in-laws. And that is a huge dilemma if they are narcissists.
One narcissistic in-law can spoil your whole day and more ----if you
let them. I'm not saying it is easy to maneuver their circuitous,
deceitful, ruthless ways. The first step is in identifying them as
quickly as possible. It is invaluable for you to spend some time
studying the narcissistic personality---the character disorder of our
time. Once you know that one or some of your in-laws are narcissists,
keep out of their range. There are few things that they love to do more
than trapping you in a corner all alone and project their psychological
venom on to you. Do not be alone with these people. Their toxic bursts
are non-stop. Narcissistic in-laws lie about family members all of the
time. It's like a sport with them. They are seeking complete control of
the family including family assets. You say---but they're family!!!!No,
they are not. They carry this title in name only. They are ruthless,
treacherous narcissists who will endeavor to brainwash or vanquish
everyone in the family, stepping over everyone to get to the very top.
And often they do---by stealth, cunning, pretending to care deeply about
someone whom they can control. Never sell these individuals short. I
have known of cases in which a narcissistic in-law stole three
inheritances that didn't belong to them. They became executors, won the
trust of unwitting family members and they never got caught. It's hard
to believe but this happens.
Protect yourself from these vipers. If there are other family members
who are as perceptive as you and recognize their true natures, form an
alliance with them. In some cases they have undermined everyone. Family
members are living under the spell of the toxic in-law and you have to
step aside and protect yourself and lead your life free from them. To
learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
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Surrounded by Narcissists---Let Your Light Shine
At some point the children in narcissistic families discover that the people who"raised" them were unable to be genuine. As narcissists they lived as false often grandiose selves. Getting in touch with the real self is not possible for the narcissist. Children in these families are often highly favored as special and superior. Many of them become narcissists and repeat the family pattern.
Those who step out and separate and individuate from the narcissistic family of origin take a monumental passage forward to re-acquaint themselves with their true selves and all of their special gifts, talents and energies that they have concealed from themselves for so long. One of the purposes we are here on earth is to manifest our creative gifts in the special form it takes in each individual. The maxim--"Let your light shine" is a wise one and essential to leading whole, healing and triumphant lives. You may be surprised at how many of your creative gifts you have left lying fallow. Many are amazed at the rich capacities that they have deep within them. The other part of your healing is in sharing what you have learned with others. There are so many people who feel trapped by the narcissistic personality.in each family constellation. Some of those who are now living in the freedom of the light communicate their journeys in various forms--writing, art, being active in support groups.
We celebrate your perseverance through this process and the emergence of your real self that has been waiting all of your life to become the person you were meant to be. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Shameless Narcissists Project Shame on their Spouses
Shame is a complex intolerable
feeling of being exposed, wanting to disappear, emotional vulnerability,
feeling inferior and worthless. Each person feels shame in his or her own way.
A child who feels shame has been shamed by parent(s) siblings or other family
members. Shaming a child is a way of controlling them--making them feel small
and helpless.Chronic shaming abuse leaves a painful imprint on the psyche..
Narcissists are shameless. They have no sense of limits or consideration for
others. Narcissists lie shamelessly, attempt to destroy your reputation, even
have you fired---For these serious transgressions of human decency they feel no
shame. Not having a conscience facilitates narcissists in their outrageous and
hurtful behaviors. Narcissists are particularly brutal with their spouses. They
create reasons to shame their partners. Riding along with the shaming is their
volcanic rage. Here there is no let up. They constantly scream in your face,
slam doors, hit walls, then revert to the silent treatment. At the end of these
wretched scenes the narcissist blames you for disturbing him. Narcissistic
spouses are constantly finding ways to whittle you down psychologically, to
keep you desperate, to throttle your nerve endings. Shaming is one of their
most effective evil tools. It is especially pernicious if you were shamed as a
child. Some spouses take this toxic kind of abuse because it is so familiar to
them. They unconsciously turn to a narcissistic spouse to reinforce how they
feel about themselves from childhood. Some spouses, after years of being
belittled and laughed out and dragged through the mud of abuse, wake up and
realize they don't deserve to be treated in this abusive manner.
The work of separating permanently from the narcissistic spouse has begun. This
passage may not be easy or smooth but it is worth the journey. I am in
communication with many spouses who have made this final separation from the
narcissistic spouse. With the help of the support of family members and/or
other members of their social group together with those who benefit from
excellent psychotherapy, they taste freedom for the first time in their lives.
They don't have to make excuses for who they are. They feel no shame or
hesitation as they move toward healing and wholeness. To learn about the
narcissist in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.
Spouses of Narcissists---Treated as Objects and Possessions
Narcissists are incapable of empathy or intimacy of any kind. The spouse is an object that the narcissist possesses. Many spouses of narcissists report that while they were married to the narcissist they felt like they were leading his or her life not their own. Narcissistic spouses are often very envious of their husbands or wives. They perceive you as a possible power threat in the relationship. When this becomes obvious, that's when their verbal attacks step out. The non-narcissistic spouse is worn down by the constant unrelenting put downs, verbal assaults, humiliating remarks and attempts to high jack your personal and professional life. Some spouses are so subdued and brainwashed that they feel forced to ask permission from the narcissist even in making personal decisions. If you have a great idea, the narcissistic spouse criticizes you , then decides it was his concept in the first place and it is brilliant.
After spending a number of years married to a narcissist, the partner often become emotionally, psychologically and physically exhausted. There is very little respite. Some spouses report that they can't wait for their narcissistic spouse to leave on business trips. The abused spouse counts the hours before departure.
Some abused spouses finally recognize that they don't deserve to be treated like objects or possessions. They come to these realizations through psychotherapy, their own insights and close friendships that provide them with loving support and patient listening. Spouses who make the decision to renew their lives by leaving the imprisonment of marriage to a narcissist re-discover that they are unique individuals who deserve respect, the use of all of the creative gifts and islands of inner peace. The journey is worth the challenge it often takes to extricate oneself from a narcissistic spouse. Keep your concentration and focus on your goal---reclaiming the person you were born to become. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Married to a Narcissistic Sociopath---Free yourself--Create a New Life
Narcissistic sociopaths are a growing in our current societal climate of
greed, ruthlessness and lack of conscience. The sociopath I am
describing is the bloodless kind---one who doesn't cause direct physical
violence. The people that I describe are much too clever to get caught.
They appear to follow laws and rules. They thrive on an image of high
achievement, well honed social skills, the appearance of empathy (called
pseudo empathy) personal charisma and a tremendous capacity of
persuasion. Meeting one of these individuals, one can feel their
personal magnetism. This is the irresistible bait that hooks many people
into their world. Beneath the surface, inside the narcissistic
sociopath is their belief that they are superior and in complete control
of others.
They are exploitive of everyone, especially those whom they marry. They fool most people; that's how cunning and clever they are. If you have been married to a narcissist for a while you know that your life is being controlled by your partner on many levels. On the surface it doesn't appear that way. The spouse is often reaping the benefits of the sociopath's success and public prominence----even the image of a "good character" he has created for himself. Spouses of narcissistic sociopaths often have their own careers and believe that they are savvy about human nature. Despite your successes, your sociopathic spouse is using you as a narcissistic supply to reach his goals not yours. Your deep feelings, worries, inner thoughts don't matter to him. Sociopaths are not familiar with their inner selves nor are they the least bit interested in what another person is feeling.They are very cunning at reading other when it is to their advantage. They often take their opponents and enemies off center and throw them aside. This is often the case with spouses married to narcissistic sociopaths. These individuals cannot be loyal to anyone, their wives included. They lead many lives with different women in secret. They have girlfriends, mistresses, short and long affairs, etc. This is very exciting to them. Even the danger of getting caught allures them to the chase and conquest.
Many wives of narcissistic sociopaths avert their eyes to the unethical, immoral and often illegal activities in which their husbands are engaged. They don't want to know the details so that they can pretend that they are married to a decent person and that their lives will remain predictable, secure financially and exciting socially. The enraged, threatening, dismissive, outrageously demanding sociopath comes to the surface sometimes in public but most often in private. He has no respect for your person. You can be tormented day and night by this highly disturbed individual. You are blamed for his mistakes. You are told that you will be replaced. He looks in your face and screams about your appearance: "You're ugly and getting old. I can't stand looking at you any more." "You ungrateful b----! I've given everything to you and gotten nothing in return but misery."
The narcissistic sociopath foams at the mouth with poisonous projections that enter your mind and body and create a state of siege inside that cannot be quieted. You develop physical symptoms from the 24/7 stress and insomnia. It is hard to get food down. This is a crisis that must be addressed. At this point some spouses decide that they can no longer live this way. They are harming themselves, staying with a threatening abusive spouse. If they have children they recognize that this family constellation is toxic to them as well. Spouses that leave narcissistic sociopaths go through a process of severing the emotional ties to this individual even though they have been mistreated throughout the marriage. For others there is a great relief.
After the divorce, the spouses who made this decision re-direct their lives. They are no longer being controlled or threatened. Some find that good psychotherapy is important in going through the process of becoming completely independent from their previous life. The creative juices begin to flow once more. Opportunities for healthy relationships with friends new and old are a great source of support. The freed spouse now defines herself, is unfettered and learns to appreciate a peaceful environment outside and deep within the self. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
They are exploitive of everyone, especially those whom they marry. They fool most people; that's how cunning and clever they are. If you have been married to a narcissist for a while you know that your life is being controlled by your partner on many levels. On the surface it doesn't appear that way. The spouse is often reaping the benefits of the sociopath's success and public prominence----even the image of a "good character" he has created for himself. Spouses of narcissistic sociopaths often have their own careers and believe that they are savvy about human nature. Despite your successes, your sociopathic spouse is using you as a narcissistic supply to reach his goals not yours. Your deep feelings, worries, inner thoughts don't matter to him. Sociopaths are not familiar with their inner selves nor are they the least bit interested in what another person is feeling.They are very cunning at reading other when it is to their advantage. They often take their opponents and enemies off center and throw them aside. This is often the case with spouses married to narcissistic sociopaths. These individuals cannot be loyal to anyone, their wives included. They lead many lives with different women in secret. They have girlfriends, mistresses, short and long affairs, etc. This is very exciting to them. Even the danger of getting caught allures them to the chase and conquest.
Many wives of narcissistic sociopaths avert their eyes to the unethical, immoral and often illegal activities in which their husbands are engaged. They don't want to know the details so that they can pretend that they are married to a decent person and that their lives will remain predictable, secure financially and exciting socially. The enraged, threatening, dismissive, outrageously demanding sociopath comes to the surface sometimes in public but most often in private. He has no respect for your person. You can be tormented day and night by this highly disturbed individual. You are blamed for his mistakes. You are told that you will be replaced. He looks in your face and screams about your appearance: "You're ugly and getting old. I can't stand looking at you any more." "You ungrateful b----! I've given everything to you and gotten nothing in return but misery."
The narcissistic sociopath foams at the mouth with poisonous projections that enter your mind and body and create a state of siege inside that cannot be quieted. You develop physical symptoms from the 24/7 stress and insomnia. It is hard to get food down. This is a crisis that must be addressed. At this point some spouses decide that they can no longer live this way. They are harming themselves, staying with a threatening abusive spouse. If they have children they recognize that this family constellation is toxic to them as well. Spouses that leave narcissistic sociopaths go through a process of severing the emotional ties to this individual even though they have been mistreated throughout the marriage. For others there is a great relief.
After the divorce, the spouses who made this decision re-direct their lives. They are no longer being controlled or threatened. Some find that good psychotherapy is important in going through the process of becoming completely independent from their previous life. The creative juices begin to flow once more. Opportunities for healthy relationships with friends new and old are a great source of support. The freed spouse now defines herself, is unfettered and learns to appreciate a peaceful environment outside and deep within the self. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Narcissistic Greed and Psychological Emptiness--Hallmarks of the Narcissistic Personality
Those who live with him tell a very different story. His spouse and children get the brunt of narcissist's underside when the family is in private. The public image is off. The ugly underbelly, the bestial hateful side of the narcissist is exposed. Inside of these homes spouses and children cower. They are screamed at, intimidated, treated with both scorn and neglect, threatened, psychologically whipped (in some instances the whipping is physical).
Beneath the rampant greed , creation of a perfect false image is a powerful unrelenting unconscious psychological emptiness that can never be filled. The internal life of the narcissist is bleak and shallow. He cannot go inside to find a calm essence, a loving heart, an abiding truth, a deep caring. All of these inner doors are closed to him. He is filled with unconscious self hatred which he constantly projects on to others, especially his spouse and children. In the work place, the narcissist seeks the vulnerable on whom he can eject his venom and threaten their careers.
Pathological greed and psychological emptiness are essential character traits of the narcissistic personality that will not change. Don't expend your energy and strength on trying to change this severe personality disorder.You are in charge of yourself. Learn about the narcissist in-depth, the personality disorder of our time. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Narcissists Hold Spouses Psychologically Hostage
Those who grew up in a narcissistic family are particularly vulnerable to marry a narcissistic partner. Repeating this pathological pattern is not unusual. These children are familiar with this kind of treatment although it was highly abusive. Sons and daughters struggle with a sense of unworthiness. Narcissistic parents overwhelm their children.
There are exceptions. Some spouses wake up and recognize that they have been psychologically imprisoned by their husband or wife. After decades of abuse, neglect, betrayals and chronic lying, they make the decision for psychological freedom. No longer will they be screamed at constantly, humiliated for voicing their opinion. Instead they will take creative initiatives to fulfill their personal destiny, growing as a strong solid self with a sense of inner peace and optimism. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The Big Lie---Narcissists are Good People
Download | Duration: 00:04:25
In our current society narcissists are venerated, followed and fawned over. They are our national and state leaders, politicians, CEO's, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, entertainment elite, medical doctors, university professors, spiritual teachers. The list is endless and growing.
Most people are captivated by the burnished image of an individual not their true nature. If someone is highly attractive, bright, educated, very articulate and charming, many are immediately drawn to this person. It is difficult to separate the image that a person presents from what lies behind the smooth talk, gorgeous eyes, confident stance, commanding presence. If you pay close attention and study the narcissistic personality you will learn to recognize that many of those who present themselves in this way are not "good people." By this I don't mean that they are criminals but that they don't give a damn about you, never will and are motivated only by what they can take from you. They are users and exploiters par excellence. They have been learning this craft all of their lives. Most of them have felt superior to everyone else since they were small children. Narcissists are created not born. There is no narcissistic gene.
I say that narcissists are not good people because when we know what they reap in terms of human relationships, the picture is ugly. Yes, they may give money to worthy causes. Some of them are generous and that is good and praise worthy. But when we view their personal lives we see close up the psychological havoc they wreak with their spouses and children and other family members. I read and directly hear countless personal life stories of those who grew up with narcissistic families. What has happened to them for decades is devastating and horrific. They have been emotionally and psychologically abused throughout their childhoods and into adulthood. In a common scenario the parent's public image is impeccable. People look up to this individual as a model--someone they want to emulate. The very opposite is true. Most often what is true about an individual takes place behind closed doors. It occurs in secret. It is kept secret because of the narcissist's threatening and abusive treatment of family members. They have learned to keep quiet because their lives depend on it.God help those who cross a narcissistic mother, father, sibling, in-law. Narcissists control their private fiefdoms. Some spouses and children are brain washed and psychologically fuse with the narcissist. They are in massive denial and remain that way for the rest of their lives. Others recognize who this person truly is---a severe, highly disturbed, venal, cruel narcissistic personality who will continue to abuse them. They disengage themselves from this toxic family member, find ways to escape, save themselves and lead their own lives.
Learn to identify the narcissistic personality quickly so that you cannot be victimized by them, regardless of their public image, personal magnetism, convincing lies, charming overtures to you. To understand the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your
Take Back Your Life from Narcissistic Father
Narcissistic fathers cannot parent. They are emotionally unavailable to their children. They go through the motions of interacting with them. They may give greater attention to a child whom they perceive will become a star, a standout in the family----this is another narcissistic supply for the father. He doesn't care about the individuality of this son or daughter. He sees potential in them that can be nurtured and eventually will reflect his greatness. The kids who don't make the cut--the ones who are less attractive, highly sensitive, not socially skilled----are set aside for neglect and constant ridicule. To the narcissistic father you are either his possession or you don't exist. This man constantly appraises the value of his children to him. He sets unapproachable goals. Everyone must be at the top of the class or else. These fathers will take a son who has athletic capability and make them work out to the point of exhaustion and injury to fulfill their dream of having a son who is a professional athlete. Andre Agassi, the great tennis champion talks about his cruel narcissistic father's forcing him from early childhood to practice hour after hour without let up. He didn't care that his son hated tennis. Father prevailed. And yes, Agassi became a great champion but at a great price--years of abuse and agony.
There is an accumulation of truth about your narcissistic father. Some of his children recognize early that they are being used to prop up their father's ego supplies and his grandiose self vision. Others identify with the father and spend their lives as his living servants. Those who wake up to the truth that the father is a merciless narcissist, sever this toxic relationship and begin the healing process of fulfilling their birthright of becoming a free separate individual. Some turn to professional psychotherapy and grieve for the real father they never had. There are other healing paths--meditation, hatha yoga, journaling, the forming of meaningful close relationships with individuals who care deeply about the real you. Those who go through this passage discover that they are finally free to lead their lives on their terms. They thrive, discover creative gifts that have been left dormant and gain confidence and inner peace by embracing their real selves. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmllphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Narcissistic Mothers Damage their Daughters' Psychological and Physical Health
Download | Duration: 00:03:48
