BLOG.THENARCISSISTINYOURLIFE.COM: Recent Comments

Comment on Narcissistic Stepmother-Nightmare

Christel — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 11:05:36 GMT

Wow this is so true of our situation where the day after our mother moved out dads girlfriend moved in and starting talking lies to dad and telling lies to each of us about each other in order to split us up. Dad listened to everything she said, stopped spending any time with any of my siblings or myself and instead of encouraging and offering affirmation to my younger sister who was loosing confidence in her self as a young teenager dad began to tell her that she was depressing to be around and a waist of his time. It's sad not only how pathetic an psychology weak minded he is to believe what our step mother lies about us but that he is using his words to support my younger sisters biggest fears and insecurities in thinking she isn't good enough to be his daughter. The stepmother couldn't care less and is more pleased with herself each time one of us leave home for good. I know this is not true of every step mother as there are some amazing mothers out there. A sad but very real situation for us but me and my siblings have and will stick together and when my father is old and has nothing to do with his kids or grandchildren maybe then he will see it. At the end of the day it will be his loss and fault for not being man enough to stick up for his kids.

Comment on Surrounded by Narcissists---Let Your Light Shine

Nansie — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:40:17 GMT

Linda...this is great and right on. I am newly stepping out from all narcissists in my life. I feel naked to be honest with you. I have never known life without abusive narcissism in it. So yea I feel something huge has been lifted. This feeling is both good and bad. I feel like a fish out of water while at the same time knowing I am doing something great for myself by removing narcissists from my life. Have you made a posting or could you make a post on the phases of recovery when breaking away from a life with narcissists? I think it would help to know what to expect and what the recovery process/experience may be like? I don't seem to find much on this other than very general stuff. If you have any input on this subject I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks again for everything you post and I am enjoying your book greatly!

Comment on Shameless Narcissists Project Shame on their Spouses

jane — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:15:24 GMT

This sounds very much like a NPD mother. They do suffer with depression, but unfortunately they project it onto their children and spouse instead of introspection. You need to read on about this NPD.

My mother is a manic depressive with personality disorder never been diagnosed, but i have diagnosed her,i know i am right. Depression is all part of it. My N mum was depressed and bewailing since i was an infant. Its all self seeking attention, so its all been about them, never about you for your entire life. They are unfit to be mothers. I hope you read alot more on this pathological disorder, get help and move on with your life before she does any more psychological harm to you. All the best.

Comment on Surrounded by Narcissists---Let Your Light Shine

Melissa — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:45:56 GMT

This is simply beautiful. Bless you for posting this information. Sometimes i get lost when i am stuck in a situation where i am being battered (as in the past). For example, a "prospective" sister-in-law who is very controlling, and perhaps a bit of a narcissist. I had a 5 day meltdown of sorts. It took 5 days to come back to feeling normal: Not numb, not completely deflated, no energy, no sleep, headaches: Weepy, sad, depressed. MAD! I mean angry! The rage that comes up when i'm in these situations is unbearable. My brother was the "sainted" one, but he is also currently a 300 pound alcoholic and rage-aholic. And i'm the bad one??? Right? That is the essence of that nutty family. Thank you for reminding me that my grandmother (when we visited) was a source of love and attention. She knew my mom, so she showed me love. I was creative (which is coming out more now). I spent lots of time at friend's house (course mom didn't like that -- but we weren't allowed guests). So, again, bless you for bringing back some sanity in a dark hour! xoxo meliss

Comment on Surrounded by Narcissists---Let Your Light Shine

Pauline Thomas — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:25:37 GMT

Its is difficult to let go your family and outer circle of family we have been bearing up living 200 miles from them but still under pressure they come to the front my husband had major surgery, they never came to intensive care let me go on my own,which I cope with, and then 13 days later made a visit and the very next day my husband was unwell, they only come when everything is done,yes they did send money but it feels like blood money you get on with it dear that me, and we will arrive later and keep you mouth shut, I have told them recently after they proclaimed they were good parents and I told them not from where I am sitting well then I got it da da da. but I have survived and I belief that my life will get better from showing their sole reflections they will move away to let me get on with the life I have, you think they are doing no harm big mistake they are doing alot of harm.thanks to the site I am able to read my feelings.

Comment on Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers---Healing for Life

Nansie — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:21:26 GMT

Hello Jane! So glad to see you wrote to me again! Tell me how your leg got broken if that's not to painful to talk about?
My bros and sis's (7 of them)all have mental health issues. They have alot of trouble with depression and their own NP ways! One other sister was treated horribly too but she is an NP and I can't tolerate much of her. The rest of them...6 were all pitted against her and I...we were the outcasts in the family and abused and emotionally abandoned by our NP mother. She was a force to be reckoned with too...she made it her mission in life to make those who didn't bow down to her suffer badly...and that she did to my sister and I. I can still see the twisted look in my mothers eyes as they filled with glee everytime she got to me in a spiteful manner. It took alot of years in therapy before those eyes stopped haunting me. Anyone in the family that validated and joined in with my mother's casting out of me and my sister got treated very well. But I did note over the years that they learned young to never make any demands or expectations on my mother or do anything that would turn her against them.
My mother was a very sick woman. I would hear her having arguments in the kitchen and go look and no one was there. She never did go for any help. Again...NP's rarely do.
Everything you describe about your life rings true for mine too. There are so many commonalities and amazing that someone else experienced the same things I did. When the floodgates of NP awareness finally opened for me it was huge. Then I had to face the fact that my husband was one as well. So much about our lives started falling into place and as I understood and allowed my mind to accept this reality I filed for divorce knowing this marriage cannot be.
Since filing for divorce and getting a restraining order as a result of his violent behavior he has been viscious. He is trying to hurt me through my children, our friends and a man I am dating. He will stop at nothing to unleash his NP rage on me. He can't make contact of any kind with me so he is going in round about directions to get to me. It never ceases to amaze me, or my therapist either, the lengths a narcissist will go to when they have been slighted or exposed in life. I believe a narcissists biggest fear in life is to be exposed for the true demon that they are. My only solace is knowing this man will never be in my life again and my lawyer will expose him to a judge for his lies and cruel ways. Then the judge can order settlement according to what HE/SHE thinks is fair. Narcissists do not like fair in life...fairness to them is 80% for me and 20% for you. When NP's are angry/raging they are so determined to take vengence that they don't cover their tracks well. They tend to bite off their noses to spite their face. This is my experience with my ex anyway.
Take care Jane and thank you again for writing!

Comment on Shameless Narcissists Project Shame on their Spouses

Melissa — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 03:28:05 GMT

I am certain my mother was a Narcissist. She wanted me dead. She made sure i was belittled, shamed, laughed at at every opportunity. I have battled eating disorders, binge-drinking issues, depression (on medication) and i am 51. My mother had post-partum depression after having me. How do i know if she is a narcissist or just completely, utterly depressed. To the outside world she is a volunteer at church, she did meals on wheels for 20 years. I know what happened in my house. I was hated. How can i make sense of this? She would not get help. She was never diagnosed because she refused to seek help. She used her family to suck the life-supply of blood from them. How do i know for sure? Part of me wants to know, and part of me says spilt milk. Still, i still suffer from self-hate, and i look for "slights" in most people. It interferes with my therapy and my daily dealings with people. I know this is all over the map, but i'm new to this phenomenon. I am not a doctor, just someone who has said YES, BINGO to all your articles. xoxo melissa

Comment on Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers---Healing for Life

Jane — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 02:54:08 GMT

Hello Nansie,
Your right about the NPD rage, thats how i really get the alarm bells when i realize someone has it, its pure nasty spew, thats meant to do damage, they go for your jugular. My sister really turned nasty over the last few years, it broke my heart, i watched her turning into her Nmother,. Its a shame, i helped raise her when she was a baby, i loved her so much back then. I am much older, but she started talking down to me and said terrible things that i will never forget, especially when i was so ill,badly hurt, and at my lowest. It was shocking infact. Narcissists wicked words seem to haunt you forever don't they. I couldn't help but notice how their eyes would haze over and go kind of like dead eyes, its just creepy. Your therapist could be right, golden siblings stay trapped don't they, trapped to their Narcissist mothers apron strings for eternity ,thinking they are SPECIAL but really they are brainwashed for life, have no independent mind, losed autonomy and appease to that Narcissistic ruler of the family. Their appeasing ,lying, and grovel, grovel made me sick, They seemed to get rewarded if they ignoored me. Bro and sis were never allowed to visit me on their own without N non mar, once bro did but N mar kept ringing him on his mobile. pathetic!! If sis ever rung me ,N mar would be trying to get through on the phone her voice so angry "WHY HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE PHONE SO LONG TO HER???" i believe this is called TRIANGULATION, I could only have contact with my siblings through Narc Non Mar. YUK!!!

I spent my whole life in the dog house with them phonies, but at least when i was in it alone, i was always thinking!!! "Their not right, they are being controlled" ha ha. Yes your right us cast offs are better off without a doubt,trapped with N mar for a life time!!!thinking all thats normal is a scary way to go.

You said your five siblings all had problems, was this anger issues, mental health, dependencies, drugs, alcohol or just that thing called NPD? oh boy!!does anyone get out untouched?

It took a big bad change in my life, serious neglect and abuse from them to wake me up to their serious pathology and get away totally.

I just got to worry about my physical health now as i ended up getting my leg busted round there five years ago. I have more surgery ahead of me as the ankle was so badly damaged.
I use to suffer depression, and still have post traumatic stress disorder after this but i make sure i keep busy and happy now as i feel thats just another sad nasty projection from N mar, she was a manic depressive on Prozac and booze.. I will refuse to let her project that on to me for the rest of my life. I have hobbies and interests, im not wasting any more of my life being sad for that thing that was meant to be my mum.
Hope all goes well with the court.
Thanks for the chat on NPD's Nansie its good to have another escaped goat to talk to ha ha ,hope thats not distasteful? Stay strong your going t

Comment on Narcissistic Women-Prowling for the Right Man

Tammy — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:17:16 GMT

My husbands, brothers wife is an envious narcissist obsessed with my life and husband. She will stop at nothing to ruin our relationship. She has stalked me, yelled at me, vandalized my car and harassed me for years. She makes comments about my friends, whom she does not know, such as where they live; even specifics on having a same shirt as my husband. When I am in her presence alone she will just stare at me coldly, not acknowledging my hellos and/or slam doors in my face. She turned her children against me. They wont even look at me without looking at her first for approval. We were recently married, and when we got engaged she completely lost it and forged my husbands name off of a mortgage he owns with his brother. I feel this was some sort of punishment to my husband for not choosing her. My husband walked away and did not prosecute because it would ruin his family. I believe this action empowered her even more. I changed jobs and she became obesessed with working where I am employed. Someshow she located a co-worker of mine and started harassing and stalking her to get a job where we work. I had to file a report at work to protect my co-worker. My husband and I live about 30 min from the sister in law and her stalking continues. She is not welcome in my home but is obsessed with doing so. She has made comments about every person who has been in my home, which she would only know if she was watching my home constantly. She continuously spreads rumors to family members on my husbands side to defame my character and turn everything around, that I am the problem. I avoid her at all costs, but have to see her at family functions which is difficult to say the least. If we are at a public gathering, she is on her best behavior but makes sure to get jabs in here and there when others aren't paying attention. She constantly changes her look to match mine: hair color, hair cut, clothing, accessories. I changed my hair 3 times in 3 months just to make sure I wasn't losing it and, lo and behold, her hair matched mine each month. She has gotten her nose done and Botox injections to look younger; I am 6 years younger than her. I truly believe she wants to look like me to entice my husband. I'm at my wits end. How do i stop this madness? HELP!!!

Comment on Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers---Healing for Life

Nansie — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 18:43:27 GMT

Hey Jane! I love the way you get right to the point and don't mix words! haha. I am now going through a nasty divorce with my husband of 10 years and his narcissism still screams out through his lawyer! My lawyer can handle it though while he continuously bites his nose off to spite his face. It's amazing how when NP rage hits they act like children and become ruthless, mean and spiteful. There are no limits to how far they will go to take a stab at you! So I am still in the midst of getting away from him.
I have had several failed marriages and I look back now and see that I married all NP's! I guess my mother's NP really did more damage to me than even I was aware of. I am in therapy and reading Linda's book and really working on this. I think I can honestly say this will never happen to me again.
I agree with you that there needs to be more public awareness brought to NP disorder. This disorder absolutely destroys people and it's horrible. I can see in the book where children are being bred with the disorder and I think if more awareness was created parents might change their tunes a bit.
My mother had 8 children and everyone of us is damaged in one way or another. My therapist actually says that the children that are belittled and cast out are better off for it. Atleast we were able to recognize something was wrong and detach from this parent early on. This gave us half a chance at developing a sense of independant self even though we paid for it with all the abuse we were subjected to.
I went through so much of my early years of life trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I just couldn't get it right and have my mother love me and mother me. It wasn't even until recent years that I was able to finally see that it wasn't me all along. But by the time I could start to see this so much damage had been done so now I spend my years trying to heal. This is a tall order after 54 years of it. I am working on it and yes I will find normal and caring people to fill my life with from this point on.
Thanks again for your kind words.