Married to a Narcissist---Become Self Entitled and Self Nurturing
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Once you have recognized that you are married to a narcissist you have a couple of options. You can try to stay in the marriage and learn how to remain psychologically distanced and detached from this person. That is very difficult. You can carve out a life of your own if that works with the marriage dynamics. Some couples do this. They are married in name only. The narcissistic spouse has a separate personal life. For most spouses it becomes impossible for them to stay married to the narcissist. They are becoming too depressed, stressed, terrified about the next foul display of rage. They decide to obtain a divorce. This is very scary but they learn that they are entitled to a life that belongs to them. Along the way some of them obtain quality psychotherapy and have the support of close friends to help them learn to self nurture and to recognize that they have value as unique individuals. After the divorce there is a healing process that takes place. This is not easy or automatic but so many ex-spouses of narcissists are so relieved that now they can take a deep breath, use their creative gifts, sleep through the night peacefully, voice their opinions openly and freely and celebrate their newly retrieved lives. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 1/7/2012 1:22 PM 
Categories: mental health, married to a narcissist, interpersonal relatationships, narcissistic wife, narcissist, self help. mental health, narcissistic personality, narcissistic husband, narcissistic partner, abusive relationships, divorcing your narcissist, narcissistic spouse, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, personality disorders, married to narcissist, family relationships
Tags: narcissists are over-entitled spouses married to narcissists are severely stressed learn to be self entitled learn to be self nurturing spouses of narcissists are physically abused spouses of narcissists verbally abused spouses of narcissists psychologically abused
Categories: mental health, married to a narcissist, interpersonal relatationships, narcissistic wife, narcissist, self help. mental health, narcissistic personality, narcissistic husband, narcissistic partner, abusive relationships, divorcing your narcissist, narcissistic spouse, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, personality disorders, married to narcissist, family relationships
Tags: narcissists are over-entitled spouses married to narcissists are severely stressed learn to be self entitled learn to be self nurturing spouses of narcissists are physically abused spouses of narcissists verbally abused spouses of narcissists psychologically abused
Exactly how it is being married to a narcissist. Now that I away apart from him I have started to paint, to sleep peacefully, to lose weight, to smile and laugh again and to respect myself. I feel like I am alive again.
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wow. I am 3 1/2 years out of a marriage to a man I believed to be npd. He fit most of the profile BUT now he is remarried and has a NEW identity. She is his puppeteer. Everyone in his family believes that THIS is the real man, that I had "chopped him off at the knees and forced him to drink the KOOL AID all those years." (his 48 year old sister posted this on facebook about me) For years I tried to get us to do things together. nothing I suggested was his "thing". We were oil and water after the 2nd year when the mask he put on to win me began wearing thinner and thinner. I was 24 and we had absolutely EVERYTHING in common. We laughed together and we even had the same beliefs. I thought. He asked me to marry him and It wasn't long he was "forgetting"
We had planned a Saturday to go shopping for a bed for my child. I took the day off school and work to make myself available. I was excited, my fiance and I were going to buld a life together. The whole day was ours. I waited with anticipation. Time ticked by, I waited and waited. This was before cell phones so I stayed by the phone at home in case something was wrong. He never came. Of course I was racked with worry and anger. He would not answer at home and leaving my own phone felt wrong, so I waited. Nine hours later I finally decided to drive to his friends house and if his car was there I would go straight to his place and gather my things. His car was there.
I broke up with him, left him a note and went home confused and hurt. He finally called. Somehow he sweet talked me into believing he forgot about our day together and he and his friend went to the lake and of course he had been drinking. I bought it and gave him another chance believing I was being too controlling and should be grateful he even liked me much less loved me. ( thanks to my npd mother for teaching me that line of bull.)
Somewhere in the same tome frame he said he wanted a chow puppy. I begged him not to get a dog because we both live in tiny apts and I had a 2 year old i was worried would get bit. ( chows had a bad rap back then) He said okay I was probably right. A week later he joyfully showed up to with his new puppy. All I remember is the extreme confusion of feeling we had an agreement but I did not want to be "controlling." I never liked that dog and years later I realized why. I tried repeatedly to get my feelings heard but to no avail, leaving me to feel even more conflicted. I wanted my feelings to matter to him but I did not want to be "controlling".
Soon my fiance was seen at a restaurant all our friends hung out at kissing his ex girlfriend. This time I called him. I finally got through and told him I would not be paying for this long distance call. 5 1/2 hours later, after many tears of betrayal, he had sweet talked me into giving him another chance. Not wanting to be controlling, I did. What an idiot I was.I felt so worthless I had no idea this was intolerable. Signs were there, I married him anyway.
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Hi - real quick question - what is the interaction between someone with NPD and BPD like? I have a very close friend that suffers from abandonment issues, and I think has BPD. She is married to a significantly older man that is a classic NPD. She looks miserable, but doesn’t look like she will leave. How does this pairing typically play out?
Hello Dave,
If the person you are speaking about is a borderline personality disorder (If that assumption is made) she suffers from extreme fear of abandonment, psychological boundary issues and difficulty in modulating emotions. Some borderlines are part of the narcissist's adoring audience. They often feel incomplete psychologically so they find strong individuals with whom they can fuse. Borderlines have a capacity for empathy unlike the narcissistic personality. In the classic instance the borderline lives in the shadow of the narcissist providing him or her with narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, loyalty, being their biggest fan. This arrangement is unfortunate for the borderline who is constantly taken advantage of by the narcissist. If the borderline recognizes that she is married to someone who cannot provide her with deep caring and a real marriage, it is possible that she could sever the relationship. It is difficult to make any predictions since these are individuals. Borderlines suffer a lot under the power of a narcissistic partner. In some cases they are repeating a pattern that they experienced in childhood--they were never appreciated for their unique value and didn't feel emotionally secure. This is a general description of the possibilities of this pairing. Thank you for the inquiry.
Linda
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
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