Don't Have Children with a Narcissist
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The time of reckoning often comes with the arrival of children. The narcissistic spouse is not invested in the daily and lifelong commitments to being emotionally available, loving, caring, affectionate with his/her child. Some narcissists are workaholics (that's what they say when they are not at home) and have a hand's off attitude toward their children. They go through the motions. There is a short morning greeting and maybe a goodnight hug. Very often the narcissistic parent sees very little of his children during the week. On weekends he is out with his buddies playing golf, riding his motorcycle, going to a favorite watering hole with friends. When the child wants to see daddy or mommy these narcissistic parents are buried in their work they brought home. They shut the home office door and are completely uncommunicative. Many children of narcissistic parents report that they rarely saw their mother and/or father. They were on their own most of the time. Lonely days after school if both people are working and one or even two narcissistic parents make for painful psychological feelings of rejection, worthlessness, sadness, deep anger, psychological numbing.
If you strongly suspect that the person you are planning to marry ---DON'T. If you believe that your spouse is a narcissist and have done the research---don't have children with this person. Narcissists make our lives much more difficult if not impossible. And what they do to children is emotionally dreadful. Some of their children become narcissists themselves and move on to hurt others and the cycle is unending.
If you are married to a narcissist and have children, do your best. Don't blame yourself. You didn't know whom you had married. You will love and protect them every way you can. If you decide to sever the relationship, know that you have the strength and knowledge to do this. Trust your intuition, your support group of friends and your personal psychological solidity to get through this process. Move forward with your life with a steady, solid step, knowing that you have done your best. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 10/15/2011 4:26 PM 
Categories: married to a narcissist, mental health, narcissistic parents, narcissistic fathers, self help. mental health, children of narcissistic parents, narcissistic mother, narcississtic personality, narcissistic personality, abusive relationships, divorcing your narcissist, personality disorders, children of narcissistic mothers, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, interpersonal relatationships, married to narcissist, family relationships, narcissistic mothers
Tags: do not have children with a narcissist narcissists are bad parents narcissistic parents abandon their children
Categories: married to a narcissist, mental health, narcissistic parents, narcissistic fathers, self help. mental health, children of narcissistic parents, narcissistic mother, narcississtic personality, narcissistic personality, abusive relationships, divorcing your narcissist, personality disorders, children of narcissistic mothers, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, interpersonal relatationships, married to narcissist, family relationships, narcissistic mothers
Tags: do not have children with a narcissist narcissists are bad parents narcissistic parents abandon their children
I am trying to survive my divorce from my N-ex. He has so many snowballed into believing his lies, it's pathetic. It has only been since we split up that I have stood up to him. Big mistake on my part because apparently when I stand up to him, this is somehow "proof" that *I* am the unreasonable parent and that I am on some sort of vendetta (not true, I just want what is best for my children - he wants what is best for him). We have one shared bio daughter and I was stupid enough to allow him to adopt my oldest daughter from a previous relationship during our marriage. My kids want almost nothing to do with him, but rather than him trying to work on his relationship with the kids and improve it, he instead points fingers at me and says it is all my fault they don't have a wonderful relationship. How are my kids supposed to feel/react when he never shows up to their sporting and other school events, when he can't be bothered to come to their assistance when they need it, and he can't even attend a parent-teacher conference?!? My kids say that weekends spent with him involve them being bored to tears and him playing on his computer or watching television, ignoring them. It would be so easy for him to change their opinions of him - all he has to do is turn the computer and tv off and keep his iPhone in his pocket for the afternoon and *spend time with his kids!* Most recently he grounded our girls because they didn't tell him that I was pregnant. He claims that them not telling him means that I had encouraged them to lie and keep secrets from him. They lost all privelages at his house until they admit that I encourage them to lie and keep secrets from him (I have NEVER done any such thing!) My oldest daughter is 16 and hates him so much that she has stated that once she turns 18 she wants to change her last name because she no longer wants his. My younger daughter is 10 and while her feelings are not as strong as her sister's, she often makes comments to me saying she hopes I never die because she doesn't want to ever have to live with her dad full-time. Any time we have gone to court, all he does is pull out a stack of emails where I (shamefully) lost my temper and uses that as his proof that I am the crazy one... and everyone believes him. ~sigh~ I'm about ready to give up.
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DON'T GIVE UP! In the beginning separation from a "N" is always difficult as you are learning.
Children do have legal rights.Children can have their own legal representation (lawyer). Become informed about Family Law pertaining to your State or Province.
Be very careful about what you say and write,all can be held against you in court as evidence of allegations of parental alienation.
Keep a journal of dates and times record incidents of conflict or discrepancies between you and your ex"N". Do not talk directly to your ex "N", insist that all communication be done via email or through lawyers.
Now is the time for you and your children to be in counseling.This will allow that your children's voices will be heard and their issues will be addressed,separate from your own.
Always when dealing with a "N" a third party intervention is required and recommended.
Learning to deal with a "N" is never easy but gaining as much support and understanding from many resources is in your and your children's "BEST INTEREST" now and for the future!
Stages of divorce and separation are always stressful and anxious, dealing with a "N" adds a confusing dimension of hostility that cannot be fully understood until you understand the underlying personality disorder is fueled by defense mechanisms of highly volatile aggression.
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