Covert Narcissists Throw You Off Guard and Take You Down
The covert narcissist, who can be difficult to identify until you have been bitten by him or her, flies under the radar. They wear the dress and manner of civility, empathy (of course finely tuned false empathy) and humility. This is their masterful facade---Covert narcissists are often mistaken for caring human beings who value your well being above yours.The covert narcissist is not grandiose. In the beginning he doesn't brag about himself.
He appears to look up to you. The covert narcissist works on your ego needs to feel special, important, bright, talented. These individuals are great performers. How self sacrificing and dutiful can you get!
If you are a good catch as a marital partner (You are a well respected professional; you come from a prominent well connected family; you have an enviable financial portfolio) the covert narcissist is stepping over himself with compliments. You are superior, brilliant, talented, accomplished---the most extraordinary person he has ever met. It isn't long before the CN has control of your feelings. You have fallen for him. You are lapping up the narcissistic supplies as the CN is throwing bouquets of roses at your feet. You feel adored for the first time in your life.
You marry the CN. It doesn't take long for the dark side of the CN to appear behind closed doors. The core narcissistic personality is revealed in all of its ugliness--the demands, non stop criticisms, accusations, recriminations, manipulations. Barrages of insults fill the air; you are suffocating with anxiety. The spouse of the narcissist is worn down and exhausted, living in a state of ongoing apprehension, anxiety and hyper vigilance.
The disparity between the humble, charming facade of the CV and his real nature is astounding. Often the psychologically injured spouse is not believed. and further abused. Isolated, worn down and desperate the covert narcissist swoops in to take you down---financially, emotionally, psychologically. He finds another willing partner---someone else whom he can fool, use and abuse. To protect yourself and learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as a book and eBook
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Categories: married to a narcissist, mental health, narcissistic parents, covert narcissists, self help. mental health, narcissistic mother, narcississtic personality, narcissistic personality, narcissistic husband, narcissistic partner, abusive relationships, narcissistic wife, concealed narcissist, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic spouse, interpersonal relationships, family relationships, narcissistic mothers, narcissistic family
Tags: covert narcissists act humbly covert narcissists are secretive and duplicitous false empathy of covert narcissist covert narcissist controls your feelings
Wow,wow,wow! I had finally gotten out of all the narcissistic relationships...I gave 33 years of my life away to three abusive marriages...I am only 50...33 years was Jesus' whole life here on earth! I've suffered every kind of abuse possible. Every kind of betrayal and treachery. Don't you know right when I am really getting on with my life and finally emotionally fulfilled with me and God, here he comes again SUPER Covert N. What is so strange is I know what he is and I have still allowed him to lasso me emotionally. I am the idealized one...physically we've only shared kisses for 9 months, thank God!!! I just got him through his Mom's cancer which was diagnosed in June and she died today. He called to tell me, "Momma's gone." and that's it. No communication whatsoever since 12:30 today. I sent him a text at 5:00 offering my love and support with no response at all. I just looked at his facebook page and you guessed it...at about 5:10 he makes the announcement of her death with his dramatic flair and the doors of sympathy are now wide open for supply from all of his loving lady friends. I know he won't even probably call me to have me come to the service because the truth will be revealed at a time like this. When it is all over I expect him to come calling and expecting me to be so understanding of his tragedy. Honey, my work here is done.
Thank you so much for your articles. They truly give courage and defense for the next Houdini move he's gonna make. What is so funny is that I know he is not concerned one bit about me! But let him see me in public and he can't show out loudly enough! I am a trophy you know.
Funny, that as I just said that I remember him telling me of all of his academic and sports trophies and how he just threw them all away, because they didn't mean a thing to him. I guess I'm in good company. I'd rather be free than waiting around collecting dust or worse living in constant fear of being abandoned. Thank God!!! Keep up the good work, lady!...lest we forget.
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