Rampaging Narcissistic Matriarchs


Narcissistic mothers are tough enough to take. When you add over the top rage, extreme self entitlement, treachery and large sums of money to the mix you have a disaster on your hands for anyone who will stand in this woman's way or question her. No one can over-emphasize the psychological damage that they do to entire families for many generations. Stories about them area legion. You cannot overstate their rapacious treachery. These women have unlimited energy, plotting how they will control their adult children. One heinous method is to turn sibling against sibling, encouraging one to gang up on the other. Often the matriarch has a special child who is her clone and will enforce whatever cruel plans she has laid down. These matriarchs take pleasure in watching  the clashes that occur among her children. They love being in the center of the battle---the ultimate five star general. They send their lieutenants out to do the real dirty work. Often the cloned child---a blooming narcissist--decided very early to get access and control over money and property that is owned by his/her aging mother. Little by little she is courted by her golden child. This child knows how to inflate mother's ego to the max. The GC tells outright lies about the siblings he wants out of the  way. Words like" unstable, overdoing medications, involved with questionable people who can't be trusted, having poor judgment" endless litanies of negative profiles of siblings are "confidentially" put into the mind of the narcissistic matriarch with perfect timing. When other siblings get wind of these betrayals all out war is threatened. Sadly, the most sensitive, caring and non-narcissistic siblings are left behind. They have very few options. Some of these victimized children find their singular way out of this nightmare. They study hard, use their creative gifts, take initiative and remove themselves from this pathological snake pit as soon as possible.

Some children of these matriarchal nightmares are still  feeling psychological injury and deep emotional wounding into adulthood. Some of them finally recognize that they cannot obtain genuine love and understanding from their own parent. This individual suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, a pathology that does not change. Some find help working with an excellent psychotherapist who can help them move through the grieving process of never having a real mother. Many of these adult children learn how to mother themselves by recognizing the lovely child who is deep inside of them and who is worth and deserving of respect and leading a rich and meaningful life. If you are from one of these families, be patient and kind with yourself. You have been through a horrendous ordeal. You are strong and solid. Always remember that you are a valuable unique human being. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, large distribution of traditional books and e-books
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 8/29/2011 11:10 PM
Categories: self help. mental health, mental health, narcissistic mother, narcississtic personality, narcissistic personality, great wealth, interpersonal relationships, abusive relationships, narcissistic mothers, children of narcissistic mothers, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, personality disorders, narcissistic rage, family relationships, female narcissists, narcissistic family
Tags: rampaging narcissistic matriarchs ptting one child against the others golden child of narcissistic matriarch getting control of narcissistic matriachs money
 

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  • 8/30/2011 5:09 AM Nancy wrote:
    While growing up I was exposed to my mother's bouts of narcissistic rage. She could be somewhat pleasant then her mood would become dark and I could feel her zoning in on me ready to attack for no reason. Now my mother is 86 years old and her narcissism is compounded by frontal lobe dementia I measure the amount of time I spend with her but she continues to be demanding, entitled, and aggressive. The dementia has only exacerbated her behaviors. The issue for me is that this is not new behavior and even though I have worked to build coping mechanisms, support, and a self through therapy over time her attacks are the familiar arrows aimed at me that deflate my self-worth, emotional balance, and personal self wound me. At times like that I am internally brought back to being the child whose soul is held prisoner and no matter of cognitive behavioral therapy will take away soul wounding. The wound is open again each time. And, ironically, it is often when I am trying to do something kind, something nice for my mother that she turns on me for something like not getting the car to the curb soon enough, for walking too fast (she never asks me to slow down in a kind way), for stopping to say hello to friends (she's not the center of the universe for a few minutes). She was always predictably vicious but now that she has dementia she is so much worse. I have always been her target and she continues to over-value me (my achievements, looks, status) and then quickly de-value me when I'm not giving her what she unconsciously insists upon in that given moment. I think a lot of children of narcissists have the gift/curse of intuitively tuning in to our mothers. We "read" what's underneath the surface and when with them we are hyper-vigilant, paying attention to signals of attack. The problem is how to stop being hyper-vigilant and live in the moment even when we are not with them. I find it is very hard to self-calm. I'd like to know if anyone else is coping with a narcissistic parent with dementia and, if so, how do you take care of yourself (other than staying away). Thank you. Nancy
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