Covert narcissists fly under the radar. It can be very difficult to identify them before they have psychologically ambushed you. Polite, humble, soft spoken, respectful in manner, the covert narcissists conceals his true nature with great skill. He/she comes on the scene unobtrusively. They are at your service, appear to be good listeners and are clever actors of pseudo empathy. In the first moves the covert narcissist appears to be very sincere. He/she has your best interests at heart. This is the bait and the trap. You come to trust and count on this seemingly considerate person who is so interested in your life and goals. The covert narcissist thinks long term, way down the road. He does favors for you and you take him into your confidence. All the while the covert narcissist is sizing you up. The closer he/she comes in, the greater his opportunity for exploiting you. Like all narcissists, these individuals don't bother with people they can't manipulate and deceive. Those who romantically fall for the covert narcissist are bound to be very disappointed and hurt. These individuals have taken your measure and know that by romancing you and becoming an indispensable part of your life that they will own your feelings and possess you psychologically. It is not surprising that the covert narcissist chooses a partner or spouse based on social status, professional accomplishments and social and business connections. Whether it is direct or covert, the narcissist is a user who only becomes involved with those whom he can use and increase his power and economic reach. Most individuals are stilled fooled by the covert narcissists because of his low key style, well polished pseudo empathy and his quiet charm and loyality to you. Protect yourself. Narcissists are not good people--they are users and abusers who are eclipsing your life.
Take time to understand all of the incarnations of the narcissistic personality disorder You will learn how to identify, detach, assert yourself despite every tactic the covert narcissist uses. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Covert Narcissists Convince Us They Are Good People
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 6/8/2011 10:33 AM 
Categories: married to a narcissist, mental health, narcissistic wife, narcissistic fathers, covert narcissists, self help. mental health, children of narcissistic parents, narcissistic mother, narcississtic personality, married to narcissist, narcissistic personality, narcissistic husband, narcissistic partner, abusive relationships, narcissistic mothers, concealed narcissist, narcissism, children of narcissistic mothers, narcissistic spouse, personality disorders, interpersonal relationships, narcissistic personality disorder, family relationships, female narcissists
Tags: covert narcissists clever deceivers covert narcissists difficult to identify
Categories: married to a narcissist, mental health, narcissistic wife, narcissistic fathers, covert narcissists, self help. mental health, children of narcissistic parents, narcissistic mother, narcississtic personality, married to narcissist, narcissistic personality, narcissistic husband, narcissistic partner, abusive relationships, narcissistic mothers, concealed narcissist, narcissism, children of narcissistic mothers, narcissistic spouse, personality disorders, interpersonal relationships, narcissistic personality disorder, family relationships, female narcissists
Tags: covert narcissists clever deceivers covert narcissists difficult to identify
The difficulty in attempting to identify a narcissist and keep out of harms way, is that they are well versed in their game of life. They have developed their skills and are experts. Those of us inexperienced, niave in such schemeing games of life are no match, we become easy prey.
Only after we have sufficently and significantly determined that we are committed to a narcissist (business partner, marriage, friendship...), does the narcissist begin to change. Committed relationships take time to develope, stages of interpersonal boundaries shift allowing closer more intimate experiences with less guarded inhibitions forming bonds of attachment.
The narcissist mirrors the other so convinvingly, creating a perfect match that the other has no reason not to believe. The narcissist is a seasoned actor and an experienced pocker player,knowing how to manipulate and get to the next phase in their game. How to detect something is slightly off or a strange hint that another is possibly masqurading with false intentions? Sit back and watch carefully , wait and listen before givining any clues or answers, always allow the other to speak first.
The sense of finding perfect harmony without the releaving moments of uncomfortable awkwardness that respects and celebrates the unique and dintinct differences of individuality, is a sign that something is not real (to good to be true). A narcissist is not an authentic being, he creates his persona to match his prey,using anothers phrases, he mimics exactly what he knows the other expects to hear and wants to see.
A narcissist plays to win, but when we are self aware, when another is too close for comfort, too fast, slowing down a narcissists game may cause his mask to tear!and unless we understand that life is not about perfection we never really get there! but embracing our dictinctly imperfect human natures, we do expect to experience each others flaws.
The narcissist becomes impatient when the game is not hurried along and suits his pace, invested only in success, a narcissist soon begins to show his less desirable deceptive traits.
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My sister is a very convincing covert narcissist who I have limited contact with. My brother has recently been diagnosed with leukaemia and needs a bone marrow transplant to survive. I have been tested and am not a match. My sister is playing a sick despicable game. She has been tested too but has now decided she wont go through with being the donor even if she is a match. She even came to the doctors appt yesterday with my brother and I to tell us all she wasnt going through with it to watch the reactions. Fortunately I have studied narcissistic behaviour in detail (thanks to Lindas book and websites like this)and was able to remain composed at the time but now I am in total horror just how sadistic she is. I will find a way somehow to stay strong but it takes its toll...
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