Child of the Narcissist---Never Had a Parent
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Children of narcissists are searching for the love they never received from their parent(s). Many blame themselves that they weren't perfect and therefore were unable to obtain the nurturing that they needed. They feel inadequate inside and incapable of moving forward. These adult children don't have access to their unique creative gifts because their time as children was taken up by the narcissist parent who siphoned off all of the energy and attention for himself. Children of narcissists are often distrustful of others and tend to isolate socially. Some are too trusting and needy and end up becoming involved with narcissistic personalities. Children of narcissists often choose the wrong partners or spouses, repeating in their current lives what they have suffered as children in the past.
Learn to recognize that your life has intrinsic meaning. You are not responsible for having narcissistic parents. You have survived and this is a great achievement. I have been in communication with many children of narcissistic parents who are highly empathic individuals. Work on your healing---looking down the road at the life in front of you. This destiny belongs to you. Take it in your hands and reach high, deep and wide. Recapture your life, appreciate your lovely uniqueness. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 5/24/2011 10:31 AM 
Categories: narcissistic fathers, mental health, narcissistic husband, interpersonal relationships, narcissistic personality, narcissistic mother, personality disorders, self help. mental health, narcissitic parents, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, children of narcissistic parents, family relationships, psychotherapy, narcissistic mothers, narcissistic family
Tags: child of narcissist has no parent children of narcissists blame themselves
Categories: narcissistic fathers, mental health, narcissistic husband, interpersonal relationships, narcissistic personality, narcissistic mother, personality disorders, self help. mental health, narcissitic parents, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, children of narcissistic parents, family relationships, psychotherapy, narcissistic mothers, narcissistic family
Tags: child of narcissist has no parent children of narcissists blame themselves
I have been reading your website for quite sometime now. My psychiatrist and therapist have told me that both of my parents fit the NPD profile. They have read the emails and letters, heard phone messages, and such and have told me they believe they are NPD. My mom is my birth mom and I have a stepfather whom she was married to for 19 years. Is it possible to be the scapegoat for both sets of parents? Is it possible for two separate levels of narcissism within one combined family? There are 3 siblings in our family as well. My little sister is my mom's golden child. (she later moved to my moms when my stepdad divorced mom) My middle sister is my stepfather's golden child(his true firstborn). I am the oldest and was always the little mom taking care of my sisters. I remember being 7 and babysitting my sisters and other peoples kids. I was the one to blame for anything going wrong. I learned that, damned if you do, damned if you don't and damned if you were even there. I was blamed for everything. Even when my mother just recently died, it was me who cleaned out her apartment, sold her items to pay off her bills, and had no help, because, that is and has always been my job. My middle sister ended up stealing all of my moms' personal items and had leading up to this, had this huge narcissistic rage/explosion. My little sister is seen as the one who is hurting, and has all of the empathy, as if my mom only had 2 children, the middle child disgraced herself and the family for her horrendous outburst and lies. I am invisible. I have always felt like nobody's child. I did have a wonderful loving grandmother, but when she asked to adopt me before my mom married my stepdad, my mom told her NO. I have always felt alone, and the caretaker, the maid, the one who cleans up messes. I don't bother asking for help, because either it never comes, it has promises and never comes to fruition or the payoff is way too much. I either go without or do it myself. I am 44 and have always been OLD. My professor once called me an old soul. I don't know what it's like to be a kid.
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Lorraine. I can completely relate to the deep damage caused by these individuals. To this day i question if maybe "I" am the one who is sick or perhaps "I" am narcissistic because of how I used to get "selfish" in order to survive. I have even wondered if I am intelligent enough to fool the world or play the game so well i have even fooled myself. My mother was npd (we now believe) She had 13 out of 13 traits. I was her scapegoat. never quite good enough, accused of many things I never did and she actually trained my brother to lie to her about me so she would have yet another excuse to hit me or yell at me. He believed it was my fault until he saw her in action one day. constantly picking a fight accusing me of thinking I was better than everyone else.UGGG. Now I know they project their own illness onto their "victims". they accuse us of exactly what they do. I never felt better than anyone else. It was opposite actually. I , until recently in my life, always felt dysmorphic, so ugly I was cute, never quite felt like I fit in anywhere. I wasn't invisible but worked so hard to become invisible I became anorexic to take up less of her precious space, worked hard to get good grades, worked a full time job in high school, all to make her happy. odd thing was, it NEVER mattered. if I got an "A' I was arrogant, If i got a "b" I was doing drugs. If I had fun with my friends,I was "JUST always trying to bring attention to myself". It took me years to realize, it would not matter. if i got bad grades i was a reminder of who she was at that age and if I got good grades i was a reminder of who she could have been. If i had a boyfriend, I was a whore, If I did not ,maybe no one would put up with me.
If I asked for what I needed I was selfish, If I did not, i was uncooperative. Talk about the damned if. No matter how small she felt, she made sure i felt smaller than her.
My dad left when I was little so i had no one to balance the pain. He told me later in life he knew she was sick but he left anyway.Left us with her. But now I see he had to get away from her illness and felt best to leave us alone with her as she just caused more hell and pain to all of us when he tried to come around.
It breaks my heart the pain these people cause to the kids, the alienation they create with the other parent. I will spend the rest of my life recovering from the deep damage she left in me or should I say created in me. Sometimes I feel these people have no soul except that which fills THEM. Perhaps no conscience. I do know getting them to understand another persons side of anything is impossible. My feelings never mattered unless she could use the information to hurt me again.
She passed away 4 years ago this month and I never shed a tear. My feeling was relief that she would no longer rear the npd tornado damage in my life and relief that she was FINALLY free of whatever that disease did to keep her so separate from those who tried to show her love. I am healing.
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Hi, I don't know if my mother has npd or not, she's possibly bpd.
Its sometimes hard for me to relate the stuff here on narcissism to
Her. She is very much the victim and will do anything to keep me as
Her source of whatever. She recently has been calling a colleague
Because I'm trying to separate from her. She wrote me a letter of her
Version of my childhood which sounds like a play, it was definitely
Written to an audience and I suspect she sent a copy to my colleague.
This sort of thing has happened before. The letter was really all about
What a loving mother she was. Anyway, I absolutely doubt my intuituon
And think I'm the crazy one while also having a churning gut feel that
I'm not. I've also gone through wondering if I'm the narcissist and if
I'm the one who lies an d dools everyone! Crazy-making! My mother never
Hit me but manipulated and lied to me and in a way I think scapegoated me
- by turning me into the 'patient' with a learning problem and taking me
To psychologists to prove that she was a good mother. This was after she
had abandoned me. I had a weird scarey experience in which I had emotional
Flashbacks about this abandonment which I don't consously remember! She has
Basically editted my whole childhood for me all my life leaving out the inconvenient truth!
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