It isn't surprising that as these daughters grow up and begin to find romantic partners that they would be beguiled by the narcissistic men. These charmers are masters at captivating women. As they speak their lines they are clever method actors who believe what they are saying. This is their role and they are playing it to the hilt. Many daughters of narcissists repeat the pattern of becoming deeply involved with another narcissist---a spouse. This is a psychological pattern of unconscious repetition. We go back to the familiar, what we learned early in our lives and normalized. I have communicated with many daughters who have repeated this pattern and awakened to see what they were doing---repeating the psychological abuse that was heaped on them as children. Many of these daughters recognize what they are doing, feel the full force of its negative psychological effect on them, educate themselves about the narcissistic personality and make the necessary break with the narcissistic spouse. As painful as a divorce can be and often is, they have decided that they will do anything they can to reclaim themselves and their lives. Now they are free to be emotionally and psychologically independent for the first time. They are taking full initiative with the direction of their lives, their relationships, the use of their creative gifts and the direction of their spiritual goals. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website, www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
You are spot on as usual!
‘Daughters of narcissistic mothers suffer horribly as young children and adult’ YES!
‘Many of them don't recognize that their mother was a narcissist until years into their adulthood’ YES! It wasn’t until 2 years ago at age 48 when I had counselling after separating from abusive ex-husband that I realised just how many parallels there in the way each of them treated me
‘These daughters learn to fade into the woodwork’ YES! I did. I never felt ‘safe’ as a child when I was trying to meet her needs (instead of her meeting mine) and this became even more of a nightmare in my teens as I rebelled against her abuse and her craving for attention
‘Some daughters of narcissistic mothers idealize them’ YES! My younger sister did and her partners have also been abusive narcissists
‘Often the father is marginalized very early’ YES!
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I forgot to mention my brother - whilst my sister and I grew up to be victims and survivors of a narc mother and narc partners (mine covert, hers overt), our older brother is a full-blown narcissistic sociopath!
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Great post, Linda - I love your blog and it's helped me so much.
And me too, Liberty. I didn't figure out my mother had NPD till I was about 50!
On the subject on the main post, I think people with healthy boundaries won't put up with being treated like dirt, but the children of Narcissists are used to it and accept it. They're often afraid to stand up for themselves because their N parents raged at them whenever they tried to assert themselves in any way so they're perfect victims for a future N spouse, sadly.
And the children of N's are so beaten down that they're desperate - again, easy prey for the manipulative, charming N.
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