Narcissists disrupt everyone in their lives, especially those whom they should cherish and protect the most, family members. If they are the vaunted golden child, the savior of the family, the other siblings suffer horribly. In some instances, there are several narcissists. I have often seen a pattern in which a golden boy or golden girl is top dog and another narcissistic sibling is psychologically fused with him/her. The parents give the most praise to the "best in show"----their crowning achievement---the child who is the most handsome, beautiful, intellectually superior, socially skilled and cleverly ruthless. The less empowered narcissist is like an echo of his glorified brother or sister. Early on you observe tremendous cruelty in these narcissistic families. In some cases there have been generations of narcissists that come down through the family tree although we have not found a narcissistic gene. This is all part of the parental conditioning that takes place over time combined with the current acceptance---almost an expectation on the part of today's society of Success at any price--even if it destroy other human beings. You see this every day in the news. To the most ruthless, secretive, cunning, treacherous, non-conscienced---goes all of the spoils. They get their wrists ritually slapped once in a while but this is meaningless. The chaos and dissembling of lives that they cause continues.
On a smaller but not less significant or devastating scale, you can follow the destruction wreaked by narcissistic siblings from their toddlerhood to their final days. Most of them are never stopped; they never pay for the psychological and financial crimes they have committed. I have communicated with large numbers of those who have suffered for decades at the mercy of their narcissistic brothers and sisters. If the top dog narcissists wield the financial power to continue to hire attorneys to fight you and undermine you with the threat of counter suits, you have little redress in this arena. You can disengage from the sibling's pathology by severing the relationship. (This is a relationship in name only; narcissists are incapable of empathy, caring, respect, trust---They are inhumane at the core.)
It is tragic that those so close to us in blood could be so reprehensible, even evil. But this is often the truth. Most people cannot deal with the truth these days. They make excuses for those who are destroying others if the person whom they are defending is powerful in the world, has high level connections and the heft of tremendous wealth. You are worth so much more. You didn't create the narcissistic family into which you were born. You don't and never did deserve to be treated with such cruelty from the time of your birth to the present. The die was cast when the parents (often narcissists themselves) created their golden narcissist and continued their adulation, praise, no limits, no boundaries, raising of him. They were never there to protect their other children. They even cheered and spurred on the naked cruelties perpetrated on their other children.
No one can possess you , control you or destroy your life. You are here for many purposes: to separate and individuate out of your family of origin, to use your singular creative gifts, to give and receive love, to help others who are suffering, to grow spiritually in the way that you understand this term. I hear many stories of breaking free from narcissistic siblings. These individuals have rediscovered themselves. They now breathe freely in mental spaciousness, creative endeavors that they could never have imagined in the past and are surrounded by others who seek the truth beyond narcissistic delusion. They have come home to themselves.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Narcissistic Siblings-Stealing Your Financial and Psychological Inheritance
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 1/9/2011 1:33 PM 
Categories: mental health, narcississtic personality, narcissistic fathers, narcissistic personality, narcissistic family, family relationships, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, narcissistic siblings, abusive relationships, interpersonal Relationships, narcissistic mothers, narcissistic parents
Tags: narcissistic siblings golden boy narcissist golden girl narcissist narcissistic parents top dog narcissists narcissistic society severing ties with narcissistic family
Categories: mental health, narcississtic personality, narcissistic fathers, narcissistic personality, narcissistic family, family relationships, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, narcissistic siblings, abusive relationships, interpersonal Relationships, narcissistic mothers, narcissistic parents
Tags: narcissistic siblings golden boy narcissist golden girl narcissist narcissistic parents top dog narcissists narcissistic society severing ties with narcissistic family
This IS my life story. Thank-you for posting this explanation. NOBODY else gets it. When I try to begin to explain most people look at me like I have lost my mind. Other family of origin have been turned against me. Your book has helped me immensely. Golden boy son, third born, extreme npd; me, the college grad. with family -totally disillusioned; and the first born npd sister who had the looks but not so intelligent became carbon copy of npd mom. Now parents are deceased, the other two are basically guiltless criminals. The hook for me was guilt and trying to keep family together. I am just now seeing how naive and conditioned I was. A rude awakening to say the least. It is familial here. I remember stories of "mean" and "stubborn" aunts and such as a child but now the stories make a lot more sense and I understand why no one had anything to do with those family members after a while. I visit your site often because you hit the nail on the head very frequently. Even my dear husband who God knows has tried to understand my experiences doesn't get all the little subtle manipulative twists. Thanks again and I will continue to follow.
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This is such a helpful post, it has answered many of my questions regarding my brother's behavior towards inheritance. My mother brought him up giving him everything she had, also all her time and energy, she set up a good business for him, she adored him and couldn't stop giving him but he also couldn't stop asking. He became so greedy! I learned not to ask for anything from a very young age, their relationship was so powerful I felt there was no room for me there and when ever my mother pulled me into their relationship it was always during their conflicts because she needed me disparately to take her side. She knew how to manipulate me and knew that I will do and say exactly what she'd ask me to do. I didn't know any better at the time and the fact that every so often I was part of this 'family' made me feel that I shouldn't miss the chance, I should be there for her and try to support her. One day when my brother was 40 years of age that's 7 years ago they managed to have their final conflict and ended their strange unhealthy relationship. They both hated one another so badly, my brother hated me too for some reason, I will never find out why. I guess he wanted to break away from his mother once and for all and the only way was to stop any kind of contact with her and myself. That's the only guess I have. My mom wanted to get revenge though and when she died last January left what ever she had to me. She didn't do this out of love, that was clearly to get her revenge, she left a will which clearly writes him out and a personally letter to me saying that what she did was not fair so please sell this, do this do that and give him some money too. She threw the ball at me. My brother now is taking me to court, also told me that our mother loved him and it is all my fault how this is all ended! how typical!
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My grandmother has made me the executor of her estate against the wishes of my narcissistic older brother who has lived with her since he was 17 (16 years now). I truly dread the day I will have to take over the estate upon my grandmother's death and try to get him out of the house he and his new (no surprise) borderline personality wife have called home. I have endured 32 years of viciousness and psychological abuse from this brother. He has made it his mission in life to tear me down, bad mouth me to any and everyone who will listen, turn family members, friends, and co-workers against me, and even at one point tried to convince me to commit suicide his hatred and jealousy of me is so intense. At one point we even worked together (stupidly, I helped him get the job) and he harassed me at work to the point where I wound up quitting, the stress and pain was so intense. I could have had him fired for what he was doing and saying to me, but instead I chose to protect him and not tell out of fear for my own safety. No one except my mother believes and knows firsthand the level of viciousness and cruelty he has inflicted on me. I cannot even begin to try and explain it to others as they just do not believe me because to most it is unfathomable. His hatred of me is unrelenting and his been since we were children. I feel cut off from my family because of this turmoil. I cannot see my grandmother or mother without hearing about him or some new criticism or vicious word he has said about me. I have no partner and no close friends because I have an inability to trust people which is the direct result of my interactions with my brother and extended family. I feel I have no one and nowhere to turn. I often feel hopeless and depressed but I refuse to give in and disappear, which is what my brother wishes I would do. Still, my life is unsatisfying in every way and I have no idea how to pull myself up and get out from under this.
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So much water, angst and money under the bridge already in our family. Not sure knowing this official "diagnosis" for my sister-in-law would have prevented any of it. But it is therapeutic to learn we are not crazy. That there is a clinical term for the long-term abuse and vengeance my SIL continues to heap upon her brother and their mom.
It doesn't make it any less devastating, tho. As stated above, narcissists get away with this all the time.
We just want to disengage and move on.
It is good to know our inner voices that have been screaming "Unhealthy!Sick!Dangerous" for years are actually still in working order. We have second-guessed ourselves so many times. Could she actually be right? Are any of her accusations true?
The answer is NO.
Such a relief and weight lifted off our shoulders.
Thank you so much for this enlightening article.
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God I just subscribed to this list and found this. How I was i d had it 2 years ago when my Nother died! I find this statement most disheartening"Most of them are never stopped; they never pay for the psychological and financial crimes they have committed." I harbour this longing to see them pay emotionally some day. In fact I still believe that my Nsister has taught her children how to behave towards her by her treatment of me and even Nother,and each other and she won t like her senior years. I have to believe the universe balances itself out and indeed in my career I have seen certain megalomaniacs get their comeuppance although my Nother was treated like the queen she always saw herself as. But her health went and she had to give up her dependence for 24 years and pay mightily for the limited attention of her golden daughter. As they said in The Sting, it wasn t enough but it would do.
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Having dealt with an extremely narcissistic mother, up until 6 months ago I completely denied the possibility that my older sister possesses the same inability to empathize and ability to be cruel. Instead I rode the waves of my sister's highs and lows, always trying to win her over.
Up until a few years ago, she could not stand being around our mother at all. Then suddenly she and her husband take over all of our mother's finances and become executor of the will and power of attorney. She makes all business decisions for our mother even though my mother is fully capable of doing this herself. When my brother and I questioned what she was doing, her effort to control and own our mother just became more intense. She has lied to me about the dates of family celebrations in order to prevent me from attending. She constantly lies to my brother who lives in the same town as our mother in order to keep him in the dark about finances.
She has no idea how transparent she is. She honestly seems to think she is clever.
My favorite part of this, and what makes me truly laugh, is that when challenged by my brother re: her lies, she says, "I'm just trying to be a good Christian."
I feel like I spent a big effort to get solid counseling sought support when I was younger in order to heal from the damage caused by my NPD mother (NPD - the gift that keeps on giving) so it is shocking to come to the realization that my sister is in many ways much worse.
I could never make the choice to completely remove myself from my mother. But I can with my sister. We have all made way too many excuses for her, and her children's rude behavior, resentment and nastiness.
My sister has destroyed what was ever left of our family of origin. Yet she will feel like she "won" because she and her children will have anything of value from my mother. Fine with me.
I sleep with a good conscience while my sister is being treated and medicated for anxiety disorder. Figures.
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