A daughter who comes along as second to the star brother is treated differently. Often these behaviors are subtle. Mother is already psychologically fused with the golden son. Almost every waking moment is taken up thinking of him and his magnificence. For many of these narcissistic mothers the daughter is a disappointment. This is especially the case for the daughter if the father has been taken out of the picture by the dominating narcissistic mother. Slight differences can be seen in the animation that the narcissistic mother displays when talking about her special son; the sacrifices she makes for him with her time. The daughter is secondary in her attention and mind. These daughters have a painful legacy. Often they do not feel worthwhile, knowing that they can never measure up to the stardom of the older brother. They feel secondary, second rate.
These adult can benefit from excellent psychotherapy. The learn to recognize that the narcissistic mother give her birth and the imprint of her dna. These daughters find ways to separate and individuate out of the family of origin. As they move forward these daughters develop loving friendships with those who appreciate them as unique and valuable human beings. The narcissistic chosen brother will never become authentic. He is a false self (although he may be very powerful in his world). Daughters who live in these family constellations and continue to heal themselves move forward and grow throughout their lives as authentic strong individuals. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Bingo. Incredible. I am a 39 year old female and have just recently realized for the very first time that my mother (probably a narcissist) raised my "golden son" narcissistic brother. Their personalities caused me incredible pain and loneliness. I have always had a deep feeling like I had done something wrong or was about to get into trouble. I could really go on and on. The awareness has taken me to therapy and I have had a new freedom and power and strength of individuality without guilt for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, my brother still can trigger painful feelings and memories. I have set boundaries with him and speak to him very seldom now, but he just emailed me a very bizarre and strange email that brought me back to a very sad place. Reading through your posts has made me feel a lot better. Thank you very much. I will be strong and move forward and continue to live my life without him as much as possible. Christmas cards, birthdays, only light communication from now on....
Reply to this