Daughters of narcissistic mothers have a great challenge in their lives. Many of them don't realize that their mothers are narcissistic until they are adults themselves. Many daughters knew right away that mother was cold and distant, not hugable, didn't pay real attention to them, was preoccupied with her own life and that was all that mattered, was too psychologically fused with her husband to make room for her and the other children. These daughters go through a tremendous ordeal recognizing and then struggling to redefine themselves as individuals who are authentic and separate. I have communicated with many daughters who have prevailed and have re-found their true selves. This is a great victory.
Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers can go through a process of healing, a time of individuating from the narcissistic mother. There is a psychological blooming that takes place. One of the first steps is acknowledging that you deserve to be treated with respect and empathy. Another is self care, rediscovering your creative gifts, learning to still the mind through meditation, gentle yoga and other practices that foster inner peace. Finding your own expression of creativity in the form that appeals to your inclinations is very freeing, especially for daughters of narcissistic mothers who were so controlling and manipulative. Along the way, nurture true friendships of trust that are reciprocal. A deep authentic friendship helps us to see our inner and outer world in a new way and to nourish ourselves. Practice the art of becoming less judgmental. Enjoy your spontaneity and the uses of the imagination as well as your delightful sense of humor. Humor saves us every time. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers-Learning to Mother Yourself
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 12/13/2010 10:27 PM 
Categories: mental health, narcississtic personality, interpersonal relationships, friendship, spiritual growth, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, female narcissists, narcissistic mothers, daughters
Categories: mental health, narcississtic personality, interpersonal relationships, friendship, spiritual growth, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, female narcissists, narcissistic mothers, daughters
God bless you.Thank you.
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Having just come to the realization that my oldest daughter is a full blown CN, I'm now beginning to see that my own dear mother may have some very real issues herself and this is so very troubling to me. I can also see that I began to raise my children as I was raised until I had a very serious blow-up with my mother and we were on the outs for 4+ yrs. I'm now on the outs with my daughter because I could not take the lying anymore or the manipulation. I've repented and grieved over the control and manipulation in which I raised my children and feel they have forgiven me. I'm trying to have some semblance of at relationship with my mother but it is very difficult. I do not feel I can be myself with her because I've been accused of 'not honoring my parents' with my not agreeing with them. Honor and agreement are two very different things to me. I can and feel I have respectfully disagreed but I have not dishonored them an any time.
There was a very definite time in my life that I felt my daughter tell me 'bad mother' and my mother tell me 'bad daughter' and I was about to lose my mind trying to please both of them. neither one was remotely interested in my well being or heart. All that matter to them was how I was 'making them feel'.
I'm beginning to find the authentic me and she is nothing like the one they say that I am. I used to fear what they would tell others about me and that way why I would walk such a razor thin line where they were concerned. I've since learned that they do not define me and that who they see me as is very telling of their level of maturity and insight.
I'm now determined to be invested in the other 3 children and their dad and let these 2 very unhealthy women go their own path. I'm happier and getting healthier because I've come out of their fog into the Light and my life is getting better everyday.
If I focus on what I've lost with these two I could become extremely depressed and non-functioning. Finding out the truth and living in the light of it has been very freeing to me. I know I have a long way to go but I also know I'm on the right path and this gives me much peace.
I'm grateful for the insight I've received from this blog and have recommended it others.
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