Divorce is wrenching, inside and out. When there are children involved it is even more complex and painful. There is a time when divorce is the wisest decision. This is often very clear when a spouse is locked into a marriage with a narcissistic partner. The narcissist has psychologically poisoned the relationship and has begun to have a very negative effect on the children. He plays one off against the other. Narcissists play dirty games; they lie incessantly and many of them are highly sadistic. They obtain pleasure from watching others close to them suffer as a result of their cruel deeds. And they will not stop. They don't have a "delete cruelty" button. They are inhumane---Don't wait for them to change and you can't fix them.
I hear from individuals every day that are struggling in marital relationships with narcissists. They are suffering horribly, feel imprisoned and frozen with fear. The narcissistic partner has a psychological strangle hold over the victimized spouse and the children. The more hope you hold out for change in this individual the deeper the pain you will eventually bring on yourself. This is a fixed, severe personality disorder that is most unlikely to ever change. Narcissists today are rewarded constantly for their outrageous and destructive behaviors toward others, especially family members.
You will make the final decision about this marriage. Read and study the narcissistic personality disorder. That will give you a strong foundation of information. Trust your intuition. If you have children, keep them uppermost in your mind as you consider all of your options. Take good care of yourself. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
I have been married to a narcissist for 21 years. He has a high profile position in the military and he sees divorce as a failure that is unacceptable. I filed for divorce 18 months ago but he did not respond to the papers. His attorney only gave an ititial response to the court to accept the papers but my husband has avoided all attempts to complete the divorce process. We live on separate coasts. Last night after speaking to him and realizing that I have to move this process forward I emailed him and told him we need to proceed with the divorce. It was a well thought out email. His response came swiftly..."You are a drama queen." He is not going to divorce me because it will be a failure that he cannot accept. It is very frustrating.
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Caroline, I fully understand. They always flip the attention onto the other person. They are masters at not looking at themselves or accepting responsiblity. They enjoy frustrating others or standing in the way of progress. It feeds their egos and makes them feel powerful to be able to effect others...even if the effect is extremely negative and/or toxic.
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