Defusing the Power of the Narcissistic Mother-in-Law
Download | Duration: 00:04:13
Mothers-in-laws are the subject of innumerable jokes. If you have a narcissistic mother-in-law, it isn't funny. It's painful, unpredictable, exasperating and emotionally draining. There are specific character traits that give these individuals away. The narcissist is consummately self absorbed, controlling, demanding, manipulative, deceitful and, very important-----lacks empathy. If she is very clever, the narcissist starts out with her charm offensive. She's all aglow, meeting your eyes with fascination and deep interest. It feels like this woman actually cares about you and wants to deepen the relationship. This is the lure and bait she uses to convince you that her positive intentions are genuine. There is nothing authentic about a narcissist. These individuals have been operating as false grandiose selves since childhood. Their acts are impeccably played. They fool the best of us.
Unless she is distracted by something monumental in her life, she will stick her nose into yours by meddling in all of our personal business. If you don't cooperate about her orchestrations, she will make every effort to turn her son, your spouse against you with vicious lies, secrets about your family background, the steady clever drip of criticisms about the way you handle your children, balance your career, friends, not to leave out, her opinion of your sordid family background. Much of this sniping is done behind your back---in the shadows where people speak in whispers and say "Don't tell", know that this private information will be broadcasted widely and cause maximum psychological harm to it prospective victim.
In this tough situation, call upon yourself and your spouse. You don't deserve to be treated with scorn and duplicity by anyone, including a family member. Speak the truth and let her know with civility and clarity that you deserve respect. It is you and your spouse's role to make the boundaries clear. He must be assertive with his mother when she has stepped over the line---and if she is a narcissist bent on meddling, she will.
Maintain a sense of psychological steadiness by focusing on your top priorities. Sometimes it is possible to work with a narcissistic mother-in-law by consistently and calmly making the boundaries clear. In other instances, if the in-law is particularly recalcitrant, family interaction is limited or in severe cases, severed.
You cannot change a narcissistic mother-in-law who is out to control and destroy every one's individuality, inner peace and sense of joy. You can be and change yourself. That is what is required of us----to play our parts on this earth with integrity, authenticity, compassion sprinkled with a hearty dose of humor. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com at 2:00 PM
Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: authenticity integrity narcissistic mother-in-law controlling demanding lacks empathy inner peace emotionally draining
My mother-in-law is a full-blown narcissist. She is the most diabolical person on earth. She has minions who vouch for her every wicked action, and inevitably she becomes the "victim" after orchestrating and fostering very wicked and devisive agendas throughout the immediate family. My husband is a narcissist because of this woman and I suspect one or two of his siblings are as well. One of them is unable to sustain a viable relationship and her current husband doesn't even live in the house...I have heard she has serious issues despite her public persona. My husband's mother is relentless when we are involved with her. As such we have estranged ourselves from her and she still manages to slander us in the general public and start all kinds of division within the family. She is a beast! Recently, after telling numerous people that I am controlling her son and have taken him "away from his family", she is now playing at the "heart strings" by saying telling people to inform her son that she is "sick", and that she "doesn't want to die" without them reuniting. Like this woman has a soul...she doesn't! She is just so angry that she is not able to meddle and destroy constantly our relationship...she seemingly was having so much fun doing so, prior to us saying "enough" and estranging ourselves from her. I have friends who will testify that she has slandered me behind my back...And I will not hesitate to sue this despicable thing in court if she continues. You are so accurate in your account of how these narcissistic mother-in-laws operate. It is remarkable that they are able to convince the most reasonable people of the most absurd things.
Reply to this
my family has been affected by my narcissistic mother in law for 25 years. her tantrums and rages has progressed to violent behavior. we are in a camper because we cannot live in the same house with her anymore after her last rage of throwing dishes at my husband (her son) just because she was caught and confronted with stirring up trouble. She denied it and said she done nothing not realizing that her drunk daughter was accidentally forwarding their nasty emails to the wrong person. She then said after her cursing everyone out and saying she was going to kill herself went and told a lie to the other son and did not mention anything she had done or said and said my husband was yelling at her. This caused a conflict with the brothers of course. Of course the other brother is a alcholic just like the sister, and we already don't get along because of his problem so that was the perfect person to sell her story to.
Reply to this
I put my mother and father in law on a prey line, not too change her to keep her sway from me and my husband, and to empower myself to out grow anything she says or tries to do. I have made a decison to keep away even if she is dying. But I am changing my life and helping people with my hynotherapists course and enjoying my life all the way.
Reply to this