Narcissists don't deal with anyone's feelings but their own. They are incapable of acknowledging let alone understanding or caring about the feelings of others. I have had people contact me and say that the narcissist in his/her life had empathy for---his or her feelings, not anyone else's. That is not empathy. Narcissists display a number of negative reactions, especially rage. They are always seething on one level or another, even when they appear to be in neutral mode. Narcissists often become almost manic with  their exuberant grandiosity. This stems from their larger than life visions and plans. They feel godlike at these times, full of energy, rulers of heaven and earth. Many individuals are swept up in the theatrics of the delusional narcissistic visions. They will drop their entire lives and obligations to be at the side of the narcissist. Some narcissists fulfill their dreams of grandure, especially if they are high level, successful and well connected. This reinforces their feelings of ultimate power and self entitlement.

Narcisssists will not tolerate the range of human emotion that includes sorrow, anger, regret, guilt, sparks of humor or even joy. The narcissist takes over the lives of others around him in every way, even to the extent of telling them how to feel (or not feel) and behave.

I have many communications from those who have spent decades married to narcissists who felt strait jacketed by all of the personal rules imposed on them by their partners. For many years they were willing to obey and play the role of dutiful or good spouse or child. Then something in them started to stir and became louder and louder. For some it was the body shouting to them through physical symptoms--headaches, stomach problems, chronic insomnia, depression, anxiety---that woke them up. Others have written that they became so ground down emotionally., they could barely function. Now was the time for action--way past time. Many of these indivdiuals freed their bonds and left the narcissist's imprisonment.

If you insist on being yourself, your real self, then you cannot share your life with a narcissistic spouse to any genuine degree.. Some people have marriages that are arrangements. When it is necessary, they are part of the couple. This is the public image that the narcissist  must always show the world.  In private these non-marriages are very different. Each partner goes his or her own way.

As a human being, you were created to have and express a wide variety of feelings. That is what gives people the spark , the tasty juice, the bright color ranges of the personality that tell us and everyone that we are fully alive and that it's time to celebrate. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com