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I hear this theme from those who contact me and it is very painful---"I was so stupid. I didn't catch on that this man/woman was a narcissistic personality. I didn't have a clue, even when he was verbally abusing me and humiliating me." Another theme is: "I felt like I was to blame because after a while the relationship wasn't working. If only I had tried harder, he would have come around and everything would have worked out."  It is so distressing to hear individuals who have been so deeply hurt, take responsibility and feel guilt about failed relationships with narcissists. Narcissists are not capable of having real relationships. Narcissists exploit others for their ego enhancement. They are users and takers. There is no end to their demands, reprimands, criticisms, etc.

The narcissist has a severe personality disorder that is not likely to change. His/her personality structure is fixed and rigid. The narcissist is completely incapable of empathy and will never care about your pain, feelings, your life, your gifts, your aspirations. When he shows interest, this is a well rehearsed convincing act. Narcissists are skilled method actors that fool most people, even therapists.

If you have ended a relationship with a narcissist---start being kind to yourself. Let the healing process take place without self blame. You are the person who has been psychologically and emotionally exploited. Be patient and merciful with yourself. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder (knowledge is power), visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life 

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Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com