Narcissists are so agile with their instant personality transformations, like fine method actors. When the narcissist has won the object of his attentions, there is nothing that he or she won't do for you. Narcissists have no insight, capacity for introspection or comprehension of their inner selves, but they are highly skilled at reading others---especially those whom they have chosen to become members of their elite circle and eventually their mates or partners. Narcissists are are acutely aware of the outer package when choosing a romantic partner. Often he or she is gorgeous or irresistibly handsome. Bulges, bumps, crooked noses and teeth less than gleaming, don't make the cut.  If the new romantic interest is well connected socially and from a prominent family, all the better. 

"Intimate" relationships often move very quickly. The non-narcissist unwittingly falls for the prince or princess in short order. Marriage can follow swiftly depending on the narcissist's need for immediate  narcissistic supplies. The marriage may appear to go well for a while but soon the non-narcissist begins to sense there are cracks and then deep fissures in the relationship. The narcissist is always right; you are wrong. The narcissist makes outrageous demands and blames everything that goes wrong on you. He or she continually  lies and often is having flings with available men or women shortly after the wedding vows are pronounced. In some cases the narcissist has been having an ongoing affair, marries a new partner and continues the old liaison.

There comes a time certain when marriage to the narcissist has become unbearable--the gloves are off. The narcissist has made your life into a daily living hell. You are frightened and worried about the future. Many non-narcissists believe that the narcissist will be fair. This is never the case. They always play dirty when they discard a mate or you, the non-narcissist, activates divorce proceedings. By this time the spouse is exhausted, depressed, terrified, feeling completely alone, embattled. This is precisely when the narcissist turns the psychological screws. Like a low down street fighter, he or she goes for his victims most vulnerable places. He or she threatens to take the children, the house, all of the properties and investments. Or the narcissist suddenly announces that he has no material resources and can't possibly pay any support to you or the children. One of the dirtiest moves is the narcissist's verbal poisoning of your entire family and many of your friends against you. Many so-called loyal family members and friends that you have trusted for years turn against you, shun you, won't answer your calls or emails and spread the vile lies that the narcissist has been spewing forth to everyone who will listen.

The narcissist has made a serious miscalculation by underestimating your psychological and emotional strength and insight into his very defective character. You will stand your ground on the integrity of your being. You will learn about every aspect of the narcissistic personality so that you know what is coming. You will not play victim as he/she expects; you will not be brought low; you will never cave in. You are armed with specific valuable knowledge, quality psychotherapy if that is needed, several friends whom you trust completely and can be called on without question. You have vowed and are putting plans in motion to re-start your life, to live authentically, to continue to grow and create and to begin to feel the healing grace that comes when we listen to our best selves and our intuition. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com