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• 7/20/2010 6:36 PM Donna wrote:
  Dr. Linda says in this post not to reward the narcissist. Stop applauding. Stop being the audience to their "productions."
  
  I have recently experienced a "production." My elderly N-mother, bored with her life, created drama by ringing the alarm bell that her health was in peril. She went to ER, where they performed numerous tests and found nothing but someone who refused to exercise and was weakened as a result.
  
  It garnered her the attention she craved. Her devoted followers "rallied round the flag" to see that she was wanting nothing. She basically lied and blamed her fate on external "things" and other people, refusing to take an ounce of responsibility for her own predicament.
  
  I am astounded by the minions that follow the narcissist's drama. They sit in the audience, production after production, and continue to applaud, as if the narcissist were a star on Broadway. "Oh, she's so sad," they say. "Oh, she's so pitiful. . .and her daughter! She just turns her back on her own mother!"
  
  It's difficult to accept the fact that your mother is a narcissist-- and a liar. No one wants to believe you. "No one" being those who are not initiated into the club of narcissism victims-- The Dead Narcissists' Society, lol! (Forgive me, I have to have a sense of humor. )
  
  What is so problematic is separating the wheat from the chaff. By that I mean separating truth from fiction. If a narcissist "cries wolf," over and over and over, how do you know when to really believe them?
  
  Fortunately for me, I am not an only child. My sister-- the Golden Child-- has taken control of my elderly N-mother's health and, I might add, her finances. It's not the best situation. I would like to advocate for my elderly N-mother. But I can no longer sacrifice myself-- literally throw myself on the altar-- for her benefit, when she listens to nothing I say and takes none of my advice.
  
  So what's a Scapegoat to do? Walk off the set, that's what. Refuse to be a part of the drama. Cultivate one's own life and draw the people that really have one's best interest at heart close to home. Become your "authentic self," as Dr. Linda advises. ~Donna
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• 7/21/2010 5:41 PM mikki wrote:
  @Donna I understand FULLY what you are talking about. My husband's diabolical NPD mother pulls pity stunts like that all the time and her people just fall in place. If you don't play the little game, you are condemned. They love to spread things about people who don't comply with their every production.
  
  We have been estranged from this wicked woman, and she has stirred up all kinds of lies in the community, even saying I am controlling her son. She doesn't mention all the awful things she did which lead to the estrangement. So, recently she has her other children saying, that mommy is getting old and needs to see her son before she "dies". This woman wears pumps and mini-skirts to church and has legs like Tina Turner, and is in perfect health. But they are really pushing this, what if mommy gets sick thing, and she is getting old thing. Blah, Blah! When that woman passes away, the earth itself will exhale!
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  1. 7/22/2010 9:51 AM Donna wrote:
     Doesn't sound like the earth will exhale very soon, based on your description of your MIL's perfect health. Fortunately for you and your husband, you are both wise to her little tricks to try to get you back into the "web." She's sending out her minions for sure. They like to send others to do their work. I frequently get calls from my elderly N-mother's minions-- they relate a tale of woe, how horrible things are for her and end by saying "just thought you would want to know" (implication being that I haven't bothered to call, like every day, and check up on my N-mother). I have a simple solution for that. I don't take the calls. What's funny is, my N-mother usually calls me several hours later after her "minion trick" didn't work. So you see, I know exactly what she's doing. It's all part of the drama, the production. My only regret is I didn't figure it out sooner. But better late than never. Seize the day! ~Donna
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