Don't Be Scapegoated by Narcissistic Adult Siblings
Download | Duration: 00:04:16
I have been in communication with many adult children with narcissistic siblings. Some of them suffer to this day, fearing the next narcissistic barb that will strike them. These individuals went through hell as children under the domination of highly manipulative, deceptive and cruel brothers and/or sisters of the highest magnitude. Making everything much worse is that in many cases the parent(s) who was often narcissistic, sided with the the narcissistic sibling. These parents never protected the child who was being victimized because they were only focused on raising their perfect One to the highest pinnacle of achievement.
The atmosphere in the home was permeated with hosannas to the superiority of this phenomenal child, his/her attractiveness, intellectual brilliance, myriad gifts, etc. This song of veneration was played day and night, drowning out the individuality of all of the other siblings. On top of this abuse the parent constantly psychologically wounded the non-perfect children by making comparisons of how badly he or she was falling short of the chosen budding narcissist. These humiliations were constant and chronic, embedding feelings of inferiority and shame into its victims.
When the narcissist in these families reaches adulthood, the scapegoating continues. You might think that the narcissist feels so superior that he or she wouldn't want to be bothered with family members he views as inferior. That is not the case. On through adulthood and beyond the narcissist continues his or her psychological torture---telling lies about siblings, making every effort to ruin their reputations, tricking the narcissistic parents into making the narcissist the sole beneficiary of the family estate. In some instances narcissistic siblings disrupt marriages, scatter vile lies and endeavor to ruin the lives of their brother or sister.
Learn to recognize that your sibling is a narcissist. The earlier you inform yourself about every facet of the narcissistic personality, the better. This gives you the knowledge and edge you need to remove yourself as a target of narcissistic treachery. Making the final psychological dissolution will set you on your own pathway. You are now free to evolve in every direction, to use your outstanding gifts, to celebrate your life, to breathe and live in inner peace and deep hope. You are now energized, have said goodbye to the past without looking back and are now untethered from the narcissist, who despite all of his or her fancy footwork is deep down a miserable human being, a cruel fraud, incapable of love, empathy or joy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: vile lies narcissistic parents budding narcissist disrupt marriages psychologically wounded psychological torture
This is an outstanding post! Every sentence rings true with me. It's as if, Dr. Linda, you have stepped into my mind and echoed my thoughts.
It is a sad reality that the scapegoating continues into adulthood, with my N-sister and my N-mother working together to "bully up" on me. My N-sister is especially scheming, playing my elderly N-mother like a cheap violin in order to maintain her status as the Chosen One.
But I refuse to lay down the palm fronds in her path, or roll out the red carpet, or synchronize my watch in anticipation of her arrival. The more I understand the sick mind of narcissism, the more I see their manipulations for what they are-- the cheap tricks of a two-bit hustler. I have removed myself from the triangulation that my N-mother has set up-- ever trying to pit me against my N-sister and have me fall short of the mark. It just doesn't play in Peoria anymore, as the saying goes.
Thanks, Dr. Linda, for your insight and education on a very complicated subject. The understanding I have gained from your book and your website is invaluable, as I continue to do battle with people on Crazy Island. ~Donna
Reply to this
Thank you for posting this. I am in this exact situation. I am choosing no contact with them. I am 54 and just can't take the abuse anymore. Not sure how they will spend their days once they don't have me to taunt.
Reply to this
this is eery, so similar to my family i can not believe it. My n-sister has taken over the entire sibling group in the wake of my father's death through bullying, triangulation, trickery, and so on. SThank you for these insights.
Reply to this
I have chosen to have no contact with my n mother and n sister. I have to tell you that I have tried to keep this no contact from happening my entire life by catering to them and now that it has happened I cannot beleive how GREAT I feel. The pressure is off and I am moving on. It is a total relief. I have six grown children and it must have been pretty bad for all of them to be thrilled to lose a grandmother and an aunt. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. I am working on forgiving because it's not good for me to hold the bitterness inside but forgivness is different then reconciliation. I love this "no contact" thing.
Reply to this
Is it common for a n mother to pick a child as the punisher? The one she lets punish other siblings?
Reply to this
It has been the case in my family. Mother sits back and lets my sister do her dirty work. They are a great narcissistic team. Another thing these n mothers are masters at are causing dissention between the their children.
Reply to this
From my experience, the answer is Yes. My n mother directed her golden child son to emotionally and physically abuse me without any consequences. He was 2 years older than I and was 70 lbs. heavier. I am the only daughter and youngest child.
He went as far as holding a knife to my throat right in front of her. The entire episode was ignored.
Unfortunately, due to the encouraging of the behavior with no holds barred, he contined to do the same to his wife and possibly children.
He is a teacher in the public school system.
Reply to this
In reading this, it's as if a lightbulb went off. In having older siblings, our relationships have soured since our parents have become elderly to the point of them blaming me for things that I haven't done, but I had believed that I was some terrible person. So bad enough that I sought out counseling.
I am still reeling in the pain and I waiver back n forth questioning my own character.
I am inclined to believe that it would be best for me to terminate contact with them.
Reply to this
Excellent article. I'm estranged from all but one of my siblings due to my oldest sister's cruel and manipulating behaviour over the years. Divide and rule has been her game for as long as I can remember... However, at age 60, I'm finally at peace with it.
Reply to this