Cunning Covert Narcissist
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Covert narcissists do their dirty work under the radar. They flash sunny smiles and sigh about your pain but thrive in secret fantasies of raising themselves up and bringing you down. Most people are completely fooled by the covert narcissist. This is not surprising since their camouflage is impeccable. Covert narcissists talk in self effacing even humble ways about themselves. They downplay their worldly achievements while making sure that you hear every detail about them. They play just plain folks, secretly telling themselves how superior they are. Covert narcissists are highly competitive even while playing the role of servant. In their professional and personal lives they plot ahead how they will defeat you. They intimately understand your weaknesses and sore spots, the places in you that are fragile and egg shell thin.
Appearing to be an honest partner, friend and confidante the covert narcissist will seduce your spouse without creating the slightest ripple. Once the plan of action is in motion, the covert narcissist moves forward with overwhelming force to get exactly what he or she wants. Operating in the psychological shadows, the covert narcissist has displaced and discarded you before you feel the blow. There are no pangs of conscience for these individuals, only victory. The covert narcissist collects admirers and followers like charms on a solid gold bracelet. He frequently recites to himself the long list of victims he has bested. "Little Old Me"-----I'm so clever!"
The best offense against the covert narcissist is your sharp intuition. You will hear their treacle tongued words, praising you and scoring points---persuading you to trust them. The covert narcissist is a skilled actor, a master at flattery, pseudo empathy and false humility. If you are steady and receptive to the subtle cues, you will recognize this secret narcissist with dispatch. Step out of their pathway and move forward. Their are too many authentic individuals in the world to be way laid by one of these cunning operators. To learn more about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book; Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: sharp intuition cunning operators covert narcissist false humility pseudo empathy
My mom is a cunning covert N, syrupy sweet in facade & in her favor, physically cute as a button. I learned more about my mom by closely observing my sister, the Golden Child. My sister, who truly has it all: beauty, intelligence, a respectable job as a teacher & spouse to the town's chief of police, owner of a lovely custom built home & mother of 3 healthy, talented children... This incredibly blessed woman unfortunately inherited my N parents' worst traits. My sister always seemed "friendly" but was never really genuinely nice. I saw her jealousy & self-centered issues at a very early age. Consequently I held her at arms distance & rarely felt the sister-bond I yearned for. Later in life, I witnessed how my sister treated her children as objects from which to extract social admiration. It wasn't until I saw my sister's actions "as a mother" when I began looking at how my mother could have influenced her. My sister was rarely sweet or as seemingly thoughtful as my mom. I used to think my sister was more like my dad, who is clearly an overt N. Sadly my sister has learned from "the best" & now masterfully oscillates between overt & covert narcissism. My mom's covert narcissism had me fooled until just a couple years ago. She played the role of dedicated church member, house mom & community volunteer. My mom seemingly OOZED thoughtfulness & dedication. My mom never directly gave me reason to feel this way, but as a daughter & given the image my mom presented, I just assumed she would be someone I could count on. I was a very independent child & never needed her for anything until I reached midlife when I really could have used some motherly support. My husband & I had just relocated to a new state & within the first couple days my husband showed signs of stroke. The local hospital couldn't support the severity of my husband's illness & helicoptered him to a better hospital. It was a terrifying time for me. My husband is truly my soulmate & since the helicopter hadn't any room for me, I traveled over two hours in the dark not knowing if my husband was dead or alive. Long story short...We were blessed that the professionals were able to stop the bleeding of his aneurysm but we're informed of more bad news that he had a growth in his brain that required multiple surgeries. Due to my husband's inner strength, our love for each other & unbelievable angelic intervention, we survived this tragedy but we survived it without any familial support. My mom wasn't there for me like I had anticipated. This woman who has held herself out to be the type of person who would hold anyone's hand in time of need told and provided me nothing but the comment, "Sorry I can't be there." Upon further education of narcissism, I realized my mom had never been there for me & I was nothing but an object from which she gained social rapport. Covert N's can be just as destructive if not more heartbreaking than Overt N's. Please empower yourself by learning their deceptive traits!
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