Deflecting Narcissistic Rage
Download | Duration: 00:04:54
Narcissistic rage is a non-stop psychological geyser. Unlike Old Faithful whose eruptions can be timed, the narcissist's rage catches us off guard. One moment the narcissist appears to be flying high, feeling good, applauding himself/herself. Suddenly, in a blink he is in a blind rage, spewing forth ugly accusations, recriminations even threats. Narcissistic rage is always bubbling below the surface. It may not be apparent to most observers, but clinically, the narcissist is experiencing unconscious rage, even when he is activating his most self satisfied, grandiose, self entitled self. These outbursts are highly disturbing to individuals on the receiving end, especially those closest to him: spouses, ex-spouses, children, sibings, friends.
When these theatrical, aggressive eruptions are about to take place and you recognize the early cues, remember to keep your physical distance from the narcissist. Know that you can leave the room and remove yourself from these vituperative tirades. You can take a walk. If you are calm enught you may want to take a ride, go visit a friend, go to the library, go shopping, drive to a quiet area where you can collect yourself and find respite. You have a right not to be verbally assaulted in this manner. Many individuals who contact me have difficulty acknowledging that they have this right. Many of them are more concerned about "fixing" the narcissist than respecting and acting out of their own psychological and emotional well being.
You cannot change the narcissist but you can take this opportunity to transform yourself. Find time each day, even a few minutes to be alone and quiet with yourself. Sit in a comfortable position with your back straight (not rigid). Decide how you want to spend this time. You can pray, chant, meditate, do affirmations, etc. Choose a small space where you live that you go to each day. If you miss a day or two, don't be judgmental--just return to your new peaceful ritual. Although your mind will swirl with thoughts when you are trying to be still, don't be concerned. Being consistent with this ritual is the most important element. Eventually this activity becomes a powerful habit that quiets the nervous system, provide psychological and emotional strength, heightens intuition and will help you to make decisions about remaining with the narcissist or severing your relationship with him or her. This kind of practice is powerful in helping you to deflect narcissistic rage. You will see the narcissist as he or she really is---a petulant child in tantrum mode. You will become more objective about the true nature of the narcissist and realize that it is not your role to "fix" this person.
You are a separate individual with your own gifts and destiny. Give honor to yourself, grow your own sense of self entitlement and insist that you deserve inner peace and solitude. To learn about all facets of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: self entitlement pray quieting ritual narcissistic rage solitude meditate inner peace cannot fix the narcissist chant
I turned to this article in the midst of my husband having a NPD rage - slamming cabinets, and clankering bowls. And then, teh violent verbal assault, with the incriminations and character assasinations. It amazes me how oout of the way they will go to upset others.
Reply to this
The rage does not have to be manifest overtly. But it's still there-- bubbling and seething below the surface, as Dr. Linda says. Brought on by envy, greed, jealousy and who knows what.
This past Thanksgiving, before my "awakening" (i.e., before I got wise to the narcissist game), I stupidly, or ignorantly, invited my N-sister over to my house. She lives states away and only visits my town a couple of times a year. Anyway, I live in a new house that my husband and I built and is paid for, while my N-sister lives in a twenty year-old house that she can barely afford the mortgage on and is deeply in debt. Her screwed up life is another post, but let it suffice to say that my husband and I have lived within our means for years in order to afford a better lifestyle, and my N-sister has spent every penny she ever earned and then some and is now mired in a financial muck.
Okay, so here's what happened. My N-sister comes over and I immediately know that inviting her was a bad idea. I truly did it to be nice, but I could see the green, slimy envy boiling beneath her skin, as she surveyed my house and all of it's furnishings. I could hear her brain whisper "She doesn't deserve this. I do!"
You might think that's paranoid, but I swear she had "envy" tattooed on her forehead. She called me a couple of weeks later after she had returned home to say she had bought new furniture. She went on and on about it, how expensive it was, how beautiful it was. I knew she was lying. She's a pathological liar.
Since that time she has gotten her "revenge." She convinced my N-mother that she, my N-sister, was the one that needed to be in charge of my elderly N-mother's finances. Of course, my N-mother bought into her lies. Trust the Golden Child implicitly. The Scapegoat is NOT to be trusted. Never mind that the Golden Child is up to her eyeballs in debt. Never mind that the Scapegoat has a sound financial situation and a master's degree in accounting. Wave it off. Inconsequential.
It's two crazy people against one partially sane individual, whose grasp on reality is tentative, at best. But "we beat on, boats against the current" (Fitzgerald). And I know from reading Dr. Linda's posts that the way you win is to live your life and be your "authentic" self. ~Donna
Reply to this