Walking Away from the Narcissist
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Many of those who are married to narcissists continue to feel the constriction of his or her psychological claws and are afraid to take the next step to freedom. Many of them have been brainwashed by their cruel partners to believe that life without them will be impossible. A typical message from the narcisisst is: "You are nothing without me. You only have significance because of me and my life." Narcissists constantly demean those closest to him or her. They are always finding these individuals imperfect and defective.
Eventually a decision is made to remain with the narcissist as part of his golden circle and a living possession or to sever your relationship from him completely to regain and recreate your life as a unique individual. It is your right to walk away from the narcissist, whether you are a spouse, child, sibling or friend. There may be consequences. The narcissist may speak ill of you and tell lies. But how much is your freedom worth, your sense of well being, your inner peace.
Know that you can make a clean break from the narcisisst and re-institute the life that you deserve. This is the birthright of the true self, the individual you were meant to be. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book:
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: children of narcissists married to narcissists brainwashed cruel partners
This is so accurate. My husband's mother a full-blown NPD persuaded his sister to do her evil bidding for her today. The sister, one of the many minions to the Narcissistic mother, wrote me a email early this morning. The email accusses me of "controlling" my husband. This blaming others for their actions and intents, are common with the narcissists. Further, my husband's mom is a master at gas-lighting...a from of abuse in which events are altered according to their story, and then repeated, in an attempt to confuse those who actually experienced the events, that the events did not take place as they remembered them. They use this alot. Sometimes the events and "story" is altered until it is unrecognizable, and the relayed convincingly, as "matter-of-fact". When you dispute the manipulative tactic, and state the facts, you are immediately "dismissed" or deemed crazy or of course "an exaggerator". Then of course, the sister after telling me essentially that I am a control freak, and that the monster of a mother, has only the best intentions, began to try to manipulate me, and them invoke sympathy for the evil mother. NPDs love to be the victims after throwing multiple daggers...they immediately go into the victim role, to invoke sympathy and to divert attention from their diabolical acts. His mother did this to his dad for most of his life, despite being divorce from him, which I am convinced put him into an early grave, due to stress. The sister actually said, I feel sorry for mother and began saying she hopes she doesn't die without talking to the son. The monster of a mother is as healthy as a lark. Evil lives long, and only the good die young. If this is true, she won't die any time soon. This woman has destroyed so many lives, and yet is often seen as a "by-stander" to the drama...though she has almost always dropped the actual seed of destruction. It's rather remarkable.
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I was "blessed" with an N family. My mom, dad & older sister were all major N's. I'm now 40 & it took up until just 2 years ago for me to see the true light of my family's mental health. I came to terms with their emotional abuse & made "the break". Going "no contact" with my family was the best decision for me. The 1st year was rough battling with the guilt of abandoning my family. The saddest part was that I mourned over what COULD have been/what SHOULD have been... but in hindsight, I never truly mourned over "what was", meaning... There was never anything "family-like" to mourn over... no good times... no mutual love, honor, respect & give & take... no joy... no happy memories. In essence when it came to my family, there was NOTHING to miss & I certainly don't miss the INSANITY of maintaining a relationship with them. Going no contact with N's is not necessarily the answer to the problem. N's are everywhere in politics, religion, business & education & it's not healthy or realistic to completely shut out the world. I detached from my family because the conditions were virtually impossible. I paid a huge price for the freedom & the FREEDOM IS WORTH IT! As a consequence, my family went to extremes to punish me by attempting to destroy my hard earned reputation. They have attempted to guilt, blame and hover. I wasn't aware of the term "hovering" until I directly experienced it. Hovering is an action on behalf of an N who doesn't want to let you go. If an N isn't through with extracting from you yet, he'll continue to contact you either directly or via acquaintances. Hovering can be a hateful letter from an N or physical stalking or a mutual acquaintance who contacts you as a means to manipulate you into accepting the narcissist back. Hovering can continue for years. My intuition told me that the only way to put an end to the hovering of my N family was to continue to ignore them. That is what I found to be "the key" to the cure of narcissism in my life. I have diligently worked on my physical/mental wellbeing. I have thoroughly educated myself on the disorder of narcissism & have openly shared my knowledge & personal experiences with other victims of N's. I have learned how to "manage" the N's in my workplace. N's NEED narcissistic supply! I have made the conscious choice to no longer provide NS to those I believe to be narcissists. I have also made the conscious choice to no longer give N's power over me. Yes N's have beaten me up in the past but that's now in the past. Only I can continue to allow N's to beat my soul & will & I have chosen to take the power back. The N's in my life have NOT beaten my self-love or my FAITH in the good will of mankind! The world is loaded with N's but it's also chock full of amazing people to aspire to, celebrate and share life with. In my opinion, the cure to narcissism is to STOP ENABLING N's & to EMPOWER yourself & the rest of the "good guys" & to take it upon yourself to keep finding things to smile about!
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