There is a lyric from an old tune which reads: "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." These illiterative words describe the powerful effect that the female narcissist has over male partners. Female narcissists are often very attractive, if not absolutely gorgeous. (There are many stunning women who are not narcissists.) Men are extremely visual. When they see a beautiful woman their heads and eveything else in them turns (even if they are 97 years old) This is how men are created. This is Darwinian necessity. 

This proclivity on the part of the male spells trouble for him if he is erotically snagged by a narcissistic woman. He can't get her image and aura out of his mind especially when she is "on" and targeting every ounce of her magnetizing charm and sex appeal on him. The man swept of by these women, gives over his will to her. He is at her mercy, under her control. At first there is an idealization by the man of his new partner.  She sparkles, is highly self confident and entitled and he believes that she has picked him as her special man. Many men cannot say "no" to these women. They are hypnotized by them, entranced. At some point the darker facets of the narcissistic female partner come out and they are not pretty. She finds constant fault with her beloved and continually criticizes and finds him lacking. He makes an effort to be perfect but this never succeeds because the narcissist always finds fault with everyone except himself or herself. Female narcissists often demand a lifestyle that creates tremendous pressure for her partner. Some of them are always threatening to leave if they don't measure up. After all they are so gifted and desirable no man in his right mind would turn her down.

At some point the non-narcissistic partner is almost at the breaking point. The cruelties and manipulations he has weathered have taken their toll---psychologically, emotionally, physically. Quite often the narcissistis femme fatale has already found a fresh new partner whom she can dominate and rule who can provide her with greater thrills and escapes into deeper delusion.

At a time certain to the narcissistic partner, the male is discarded and left confused and lost. It is difficult for men to reach out for help when they are hurting, especially if this is over a relationship that failed. Swallow your pride and self recriminations. If you think it is appropriate, find an excellent psychotherapist after doing a lot of research and interviewing several professionals. Form a small circle of friends whom you trust completely and who will be there come rain or shine. Some individuals benefit from healing modalities like yoga, meditation, tai chi, qi gong  that quiets the ruminative mind and brings a sense of peace and steadiness. Learn as much as you can about the specific nature of the narcissistic personality disorder. Recognize that these individuals fool most of us at one time or another. They are the smoothest operators.

Let go of your psychological burdens of the past, be grateful that the narcissist didn't steal more of your life. Follow the new pathways and cycles of life that are waiting for you as a unique individual. Practice self care regularly and be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you are to others.

Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: U.S. and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com