Keep Your Psychological Distance from Narcissists
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Narcissists are in a constant state of building themselves up, glorying in their greatness and tearing you down at the same time. If you are not their Special Person of the moment whom they have come to adore (so fleetingly) then be prepared to distance yourself from them psychologically. Otherwise, they will erode your confidence, hope, creativiity, optimism, sense of inner calmness and any positive emotion that you are feeling
In dealing with a narcissist, first learn specifically how to pinpoint their character traits so you know early on that you are dealing with a serious personality disorder. Learn to remain stready, unshakable and calm regardless of his or her theatrics. Practicing calmness can be achieved through meditation, yoga and other modalities which provide your mind and emotions with a steadiness that cannot be ruffled. You have a right to leave their presence at any time. Learn to become emotionally detached from these individuals.
In some cases it becomes necessary to sever yourself from the relationship with a narcissistic personality. In cases of divorce this can be an arduous process. I find that clients who take these steps to psychological freedom eventually find that that they are grateful to have their lives and themselves back. They are healing, opening themselves up to their talents, creativity, self initiative and deep inner strength that will sustain them for the rest of their lives. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 6/15/2010 7:10 AM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Quote from Dr. Linda's post above-- "Learn to remain steady, unshakable and calm, regardless of his or her theatrics."
For the last six months, I have been in the process of distancing myself from my elderly N-mother and N-sister (Golden Child.) I, of course, am the Scapegoat.
I used to fall for my N-mother's schtick. No, I'm not Jewish, but the Yiddish word "schtick," which means "a contrived and often used bit of business that a performer uses to steal attention," is so apt here. Narcissists, from my experience, get bored easily and crave drama. If there's not any drama present in their life, they'll create some.
I've observed that these theatrical performances come in waves. My N-mother swings from the dark depths of depression to moments (only moments) of giddiness, brought on because she finds herself in the spotlight. How does she accomplish this feat? By exaggerating/faking illness, lying, playing the quintessential martyr and, relentlessly, dealing the guilt card. Of course, she's never responsible for anything that has brought about her pitiable state.
I used to think my N-mother was the most honest woman on earth. Before my awakening (i.e., before I figured out the N-game), if you had it signed in blood that my N-mother was staging these little performances, I would have dismissed you as mentally disturbed. Now I know that my N-mother is the one who is disturbed.
When the theatrics started, I used to freak-out, rush to my N-mother's side, dote and placate and spend hours of my life trying to "fix" things for her, to the exhaustion of my mental and physical health, as my efforts went unrewarded and unnoticed. But now I'm wise to the schtick. And I'm giving my N-mother's latest performance two big thumbs down, lol! Find a new producer, mom! I'm no longer backing your show. ~Donna
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Donna, I understand. I am married to a N, and his mother is the Queen "N". She runs the family, and is the biggest fake alive., all of his siblings defend this wretched woman. If anyone DARES to speak the Truth about the woman, they are shot down and labeled "crazy" themselves. I'm convinced this is one of the Narcissists best defenses- they label others crazy to hide how incredibly wacked out they are! It's not you, it's them. My husband's mom pretends to be one of the most moral, upstanding people in the community and yet has slept with husband of almost every "friend" she has. Even they (her friends) will defend her, not having a clue that there own spouses "know" her in the biblical sense. It is sickening. She lies about anything, if it will serve her, and she is a MASTER at a psychological term I just discovered called "GASLIGHTING". Gaslighting is when a person (often a sociopathic narcissist) changes the story, or alters the truth or events to suit them, and then goes on an all out campaign to convince others, that the events occurred as they have now created in their minds. My husband is a product of this woman and I am at my wits end with the marriage. These people (Narcissists) are monsters. They don't care who they hurt, and they often chose to blame, destroy and hurt the most innocent and kindess people around them.
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