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In the communications I have with adult children of narcissists the one message from their childhoods that was prevalent is: "Be like me. I am perfect; I control you. If you don't comply with my demands, I will reject and discard you." These words are translated into the daily lives of children who grew up with a narcissistic parent. They treat their children not like unique valuable distinctive human beings who are to be cherished and respected as individuals. The children of narcissists are simply extensions of themselves.They exist to enhance the narcissist's full blown ego.

The other survival method that can work is to be chosen by the narcissistic parent to be used as a living narcissistic suppply. This works very well for the narcissist if the child is very attractive, intellectually bright, has artistic talent or athletic skills. The narcissistic parent fixates on this child and often plans very early how he will mold this individual as a living narcissistic supply that enhances his grandiose image.

Children who do not make the cut for the narcissistic parent are treated with disdain, neglect or a combination of the two. Narcissistic parents often project their darkest self hatreds on these chidlren. In their own minds, these human creatures are their children in name only. The narcissistic parent allows and even encourages his golden child/children to victimize the vulnerable  ones. I have heard from many of these adult chidlren who describe their childhoods as "endless living hells." Many of them survived  their tormenters by shutting down all of their feelings and emotionally detaching from the family. Others, tragically, discovered the drug and alcohol pathway early and began a chronic pattern of self medicating destruction.

No one who has been raised by a narcissistic parent goes unscathed.  There is always a price that is paid. However, those who suffer and persevere and never give up, come out the true victors. They maintain the essential true part sof themselves, expand and evolve personally and professionally and are finally free to say "No" to the narcissistic parent and "Yes" to life. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com