Severing Ties with Narcissistic Siblings
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The narcissist is created. So far no narcissistic gene has been discovered. The classic formula is the parental choice of one or more children who are are bright, have potential artistic or athletic talent and who are physically attractive with outgoing personalities. The living child becomes a commodity that is used in feeding the parent's narcissistic hunger. Other siblings who do not meet the stringent qualities set down by the narcissistic parent are set aside as inferior and are neglected or treated with cruelty. Some of these adult children spend years trying to discover who they really are. They try to have a relationship with the narcissistic sibling but are rebuffed. I have received communications from non-narcissistic adult siblings who were relieved and surprised by the consequences of making a final break with the narcissistic sibling. They are "freed up" from the narcissist bonds of their original family and discover their uniqueness, their creative gifts, their capacity for closeness and joy. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 4/23/2010 11:17 AM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: perfection superiority entitlement narcissistic sibling narcissistic bonds sports figures capacity for closeness creative gifts budding narcissist
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: perfection superiority entitlement narcissistic sibling narcissistic bonds sports figures capacity for closeness creative gifts budding narcissist
A part-time sister. That's what I always had. From early childhood, my N-sister was deemed "the best" by my N-mother. I wanted to love her, but she always pulled away from me as if I had the plague.
Now we're adults. My N-sister puts me on a shelf and drags me down. She continues with the snarky putdownns and setting me up for "a fall from grace."
Rude behavior. Whenever I call, my N-sister answers call waiting. I'm not important. I'm just an object that can be put on the back burner. Her "friends" are royalty. I'm stupid. My N-sister lies and lies and lies. Is that respect? I don't think so.
Sugar and spice and anything nice when my N-sister wants something. The rest of the time, it's using me and squeezing me for all I'm worth. And playing into the triangulation that my N-mother has set up since forever.
Whenever I call my N-mother, it's always "Have you heard from her [my N-sister]?" or "I sure wish she [my N-sister] would call me."
This is off-topic, but I recently visited my N-mother's apartment. On her dresser, my N-mother had an 8x10 photo of herself with two photos (4x7) of herself stuck in the frame. Who does that? Who has THREE photos of themselves on their dresser when they live by themselves?
An incredible dynamic. Self-absorbed N-mother who fawns over narcissistic daughter (the Golden One), and doesn't give a tinker's damn about the Scapegoat Child (me).
It awes me how predictable these people are. The pattern of behavior, once you understand it, is so clear. Thanks, Dr. Linda, for your insights. They help me keep focused on my mission-- to distance myself from "these people." ~ Donna
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