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• 4/18/2010 5:51 PM Donna wrote:
  As Dr. Linda told me, it takes a lot of courage to come to grips with the fact that your mother, a narcissist, never loved you or never will. And now I realize that my sister, the Golden Child, also is incapable of bonding with me on a normal level, as she is a narcissist herself. Add an Enabling Father into the mix, and you've whipped up one heck of a dysfunctional family.
  
  Again to quote from Dr. Linda-- the truth is messy and painful-- but the truth is what the truth is. Facing these truths is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's also very empowering. In distancing myself from my N-mother and N-sister (my enabling father is deceased), I have discovered a strength of character that I didn't know I had. And I have also gotten in touch with my spiritual side.
  
  Early in my life, I realized that something was seriously wrong with the family picture. I even joked with my friends that I must have been adopted. I knew intuitively that I wasn't like my family, that I was different, and that they weren't like other families. Yet photos didn't lie. I was the spitting image of my mother, her mother and even my great-grandmother. The family resemblance was undeniable.
  
  Although I assumed the role of "rebel" or "black sheep" (because I knew it was hopeless to compete in a no-win situation with my Golden Child sister), I still struggled to find my way, battled for an identity that was under constant siege by my N-mother, who insisted on comparing me to my N-sister in a perverse triangulation that to this day, I still have to deal with.
  
  Over the years, I have set boundaries, managing to fight off the Huns, at least temporarily, but always, in the end, being sucked back into the fray.
  
  But all of us have limits, and I reached mine recently. It was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I had been ill for a couple of months, and my N-mother gave no comfort to me. She ignored my condition as if it didn't exist. A couple of months later, she fell ill (ironically with a similar illness), then expected me to rush to her side and "fix-it."
  
  Although there were countless other instances of gross negligence, this was the moment of ugly truth. I saw the mask slip. I saw her for the uncaring, cold shell of a person she truly was-- a mother who was incapable of feeling my pain, incapable of any empathy toward her child. I started researching toxic people and eventually, landed on websites like Dr. Linda's, that discussed the narcissist personality disorder. As I checked off EVERY characteristic of NPD, both for my mother and my sister, it was a chilling revelation.
  
  The good news is, I have begun the healing process. It's not anything that happens overnight. I've taken steps back, but for every step I take back, I take two steps forward. I can never go back to playing the role of the Scapegoat Child. My life is forever changed, and as Dr. Linda says, it's like a rebirth. It's time for celebration! ~Donna
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