Narcissists' Secret Lives
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The narcissist leads a life of deception. Above all, he/she is secretive. "The narcissist puts his life in neat compartments that are sealed off from one another." I have heard many life stories from women and men who were married to narcissists who have been shocked by the extremity of their narcissistic spouses' lives of secrecy and duplicity. To protect yourself from the psychological toxicity of the narcissist, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
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Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 4/16/2010 2:40 PM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: psychological toxicity master of disguise deception secret deals betrayals secret lives
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: psychological toxicity master of disguise deception secret deals betrayals secret lives
I identify! Dad was a poster boy of the deceptive narcissist. He was a "different person" to each person in his life never revealing who he really was. After he died his colleague, my godfather, told me he never knew he didn't know who my father was despite having known him and thinking they were friends since they were young.
Self-disclosure & self-revelation were not on my father's agenda. He had one & only one agenda: To perform & earn so as to never be poor again. Like many high functioning professionals he took sole credit for his success devoid of qualities of humility & grace derived when one gives credit due to those who help along the way. He was subtly but intensely arrogant and egotistical as only one reared in & practicing alcohol abuse and addiction can uniquely be.
He was a top performer in his profession and extremely handsome. Many were thus distracted from his hollowness and inability to engage intimately with others.
It is my delusion that I once believed he would have been different with a loving wife. Fact is he choose values of acquisition when very young. He could control that world, rather than the "messy" world of human relations. His routines were militaristic and rigid. Amazing man outside the home; no skills for fatherhood & no "him" inside him or inside the home.
His death at 59 was perhaps ordained by early events: His mother died when he was 3 triggering his father's abandonment to relatives who reared him separate from his 3 brothers.
Although he had a shell of a relationship w/a sibling, w/whom he spoke "patois" – another indicator he was someone else with them, too -- there was only a thin filial bond. He never passed "patois" on to us kids as a bonding experience.
This sibling sought to adopt us probably due to the extreme parenting deficits exhibited by our parents. Such action is not taken lightly in our family, nor was it even contemplated in that social milieu. The image of family was tied to money & prestige. Dad provided all that at a high level.
Now I can understand why he co-signed my mother's abject, overt narcissism: All he saw and all he knew was where she matched him.
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