When you cross a narcissist, be assured they will pull out all the stops. They play a series of cards, one by one, with increasing venom and threat. Depending on their unique personality, some of these cards include:

The Worthless Card--You are nothing without me. You cannot survive alone.  

The Money Card--Leave me and you will be left with nothing (even if half of what we own belongs to you)

The Reputation Card--I will tell your darkest secrets and you will be exposed and publiclly humiliated

The Child Custody Card--I have the will and the means to take the children away from you

The Victim Card--You have impeded me, ruined my life and now I'm the one who's suffering. 

The Final Threat Card--I know you; I hate you; I will destroy you

As you observe this drama, learn how to pull yourself back from the edge of fear. Be aware that these are the narcissist's primitive projections. The narcissist is verbally ejecting on to you his/her unconscious feelings of worthlessness, helplessness and fury that he hides from himself. Narcissists rarely get in touch with these feelings. It would be psychologically too intolerable for them. Projecting their toxins on to others is a safer and simpler route for them to take.

Remind yourself that the narcissist is not screaming about you. You are a separate person. You have your own problems, vulnerabilites and shortcomings. You are doing your best to deal with them.  Draw a clear boundary between these outbursts and your own psychological space. Often it is wise to create a physical distance from the narcissist, removing yourself from the toxic atmosphere. It is worth practicing disciplines of calming the mind and body through yoga, breathing techniques, aerobic exercise, tai chi. To learn more about the inner workings of the narcissistic personality and how to deal with these individuals, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation

Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com