Narcissists can be Devastating to Highly Sensitive Individuals
Narcissists, especially those who are particularly successful, exude an aura of charm and magnetism. They are fine actors, expert at playing their parts. Narcissists know exactly how to appeal to most people to get what they want. Using a smooth touch, using all the right words, promising to fulfill our wishes and needs, the narcissist is a master of manipulation. The narcissist has a dark side that he/she cleverly conceals from his public image. He can be exceedingly ruthless in business situations but gets away with this kind of behavior because the narcissist is considered to be strong, fearless and resolute.
The narcissistic personality makes a 180 turn in private life, especially within his home with family members. Everyone who lives in a family headed by a narcissist, suffers in different ways. Those who experience the most psychological pain are highly sensitive people. The term "highly sensitive person" was labeled and researched by the foremost clinical psychologist, Elain Aron, Ph.D. Her groundbreaking book The Highly Sensitive Person provides us with valuable research about highly sensitive individuals. Being highly sensitive is an inherited trait present in 20 % of the population. This personality trait is normal. Some of the characteristics of hsp described in her book are: being easily overwhelmed, hyper awareness, experiencing life events on a deeper level than most people, vulnerability to chaotic noisy environments. Living with a narcissist is stressful for starters. There are constant demands, raging dramas, incessant criticisms, chaotic mood swings and intimidations.
Enter the highly sensitive person--the spouse or child of the narcissist. For these individuals, living with a narcissist is pure hell.
The screams, recriminations and general chaos wreaked by the narcissist can cause his/her spouse and children various kinds of symptoms and disorders: anxiety, depression, gastrointestinal problems, headaches, backaches, etc. The non-narcissistic spouse needs to protect the children from these psychological stressors. This can be a very difficult decision for some spouses because of their psychological dependency on the narcissist. In some cases these spouses stay with the narcissist despite the emotional damage this is doing to their children. They delude themselves that the narcissist will change; the storm will blow over'; this is a temporary phase that will come to an end. Narcissists don't change; they expect everyone around them to conform to their needs and demands.
Some spouses who are sensitive individuals and have sensitive children make the decision to seek a divorce and sever their relationship with the narcissistic spouse. This may be a difficult route but it provides a way of protecting highly sensitive children and themselves from the constant trauma induced by the narcissistic family member. Everyone deserves a life of inner peace, freedom to use our gifts and imaginations, to express feelings without fear, to celebrate our individuality and the uniqueness of others. Hsp are a valuable and integral part of our society. They deserve their share of life's abundance. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The narcissistic personality makes a 180 turn in private life, especially within his home with family members. Everyone who lives in a family headed by a narcissist, suffers in different ways. Those who experience the most psychological pain are highly sensitive people. The term "highly sensitive person" was labeled and researched by the foremost clinical psychologist, Elain Aron, Ph.D. Her groundbreaking book The Highly Sensitive Person provides us with valuable research about highly sensitive individuals. Being highly sensitive is an inherited trait present in 20 % of the population. This personality trait is normal. Some of the characteristics of hsp described in her book are: being easily overwhelmed, hyper awareness, experiencing life events on a deeper level than most people, vulnerability to chaotic noisy environments. Living with a narcissist is stressful for starters. There are constant demands, raging dramas, incessant criticisms, chaotic mood swings and intimidations.
Enter the highly sensitive person--the spouse or child of the narcissist. For these individuals, living with a narcissist is pure hell.
The screams, recriminations and general chaos wreaked by the narcissist can cause his/her spouse and children various kinds of symptoms and disorders: anxiety, depression, gastrointestinal problems, headaches, backaches, etc. The non-narcissistic spouse needs to protect the children from these psychological stressors. This can be a very difficult decision for some spouses because of their psychological dependency on the narcissist. In some cases these spouses stay with the narcissist despite the emotional damage this is doing to their children. They delude themselves that the narcissist will change; the storm will blow over'; this is a temporary phase that will come to an end. Narcissists don't change; they expect everyone around them to conform to their needs and demands.
Some spouses who are sensitive individuals and have sensitive children make the decision to seek a divorce and sever their relationship with the narcissistic spouse. This may be a difficult route but it provides a way of protecting highly sensitive children and themselves from the constant trauma induced by the narcissistic family member. Everyone deserves a life of inner peace, freedom to use our gifts and imaginations, to express feelings without fear, to celebrate our individuality and the uniqueness of others. Hsp are a valuable and integral part of our society. They deserve their share of life's abundance. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 2/9/2010 3:45 PM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissist
Tags: narcissistic personality chaotic psychological stress highly sensitive person
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissist
Tags: narcissistic personality chaotic psychological stress highly sensitive person
I didn't know I was married to a narcissist. I thought he was as different from my dad as I could find so lived in total denial and thought everything was my fault. I literally "forgot" the most severe traumas, even 15 yrs. after divorce sometimes they unexpectedly come back and I still struggle to believe it...he was that perfect in my eyes. And I so convinced I was worthless. I did divorce because I suddenly became terrified of him, truly paranoid as I started to wake up. No description for the evil unleashed at me and my children when I filed. Two years so bad that 2 separate therapists said he was intentionally driving me to suicide. He used his success and crooked legal system to steal everything from me, even my own inheritance. I spent $50,000 mostly from credit cards and finally worn down to point we never got to trial. I ended up giving him everything he demanded, full custody of our children, everything we owned, all retirement funds. He even found a way to insure I never got Cobra, so no insurance. I had to file bankruptcy, he never adhered to the few things I was given, especially concerning raising our children. He knew I had no money left to take him to court to enforce the judgment. Three months after the divorce, the judge was removed from the bench for corruption. It was too late for me. The toll all this took on my children is indescribable because he didn't care if they got hurt as long as he could hurt me and they were his weapon of choice. After so many years of denial both with husband and my father, I had no way to protect myself when his true evil nature came out in the divorce. He was so convincing eve my family didn't believe me, as he often reminded me. Everyone thinks he's the greatest, most reasonable, put upon by me guy in the world. A divorce with a narcissist is not a normal divorce. To them, it's not about negotiation...it's kill or be killed. They have a terrorist mind set hidden under a veneer of perfect presentation, impecable credentials, that everyone, including me, WANTS to believe. By the grace of God, my relationship with my children has weathered horrific storms. But my health is destroyed, I went from a comfortable life to poverty. He ruined my friendships and relationships with my own family. I don't know if I will ever recover. It's been 15 yrs. and the older I get the harder it is to just survive. Pls. don't even consider divorcing a narcissist until you understand you can't know these people or what they are capable of until the mask drops and then, for me, it was too late. You have to find an attorny who is an expert at this complex, terifying process. They will wear you down in ways you can't imagine and steal all your resources monetary and relational. He is an "upstanding" highly esteemed man. Nobody would believe all the, not only unethical, but illegal things he did to destroy me. I'm glad he wasn't able to destroy my soul (he tried) but be prepared to lose everything else.
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My narcissist mother describes me as being "too sensitive". I have memories as a small child of not wanting to come out of my room in the morning because I could hear my parents talking at the kitchen table and I would be afraid they were/could be angry. As a teenager, my mother would come home from work and pan the living area for disarray--if things were out of order she would be mad at me. It set the tone for the evening. I am hypersensitive to how my husband is feeling--if I sense he is unhappy, we have to talk and get it out so the day can go on. I absolutely dread the thought of talking to my mother.
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