Mother/Son Narcissistic Duo
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The mother of a narcissistic son is frequently narcissistic herself. She has all the attributes of narcissistic personality disorder: extreme self entitlement, lack of empathy, a poorly developed conscience, manipulative,exploitive, grandiose, demanding, highly critical, self absorbed. Some narcissistic mothers who have children, discard them, leaving babysitters and nannies to raise them.
There is a specific type of narcissistic mother who idolizes her son, views him as a perfect being and is psychologically fused with this chosen child. Her son is the focus of her life--not her husband or her other children. She fixates on the son as prince and savior who will change the world with his extraordinary gifts: handsomeness, high intellect, athletic ability, great charm and magnetism. The narcissistic mother has an unwavering vision of her son. He will become another Alexander the Great and conquer the world before the age of twenty one. From the beginning the son is treated differently. Mother doesn't place any limits on her son's behavior, particularly with regard to his treatment of other people. If he is cruel to his neighborhood and school friends, this is completely overlooked. Mother has the attitude: "My son can do no wrong. It's the other kid's fault. There's something horribly wrong with the child's parents." The narcissistic mother makes excuses for this child since she knows that he is perfect. These mothers ride on the tides of their son's successes. They psychologically fuse and live through them. There is no breathing space between mother and son. In some instances there is an erotic component in which the mother by her words or actions, is provocative with her son. This solidifies the covert messages and bond between them. As an adult the narcissistic son feels torn between the specialness of his relationship with his mother and the unconscious rage that binds him to her. He is imprisoned by her adoration and fusion. The narcissistic mother comes between the son't choice of a wife. On an unconscious level, mother has always been parent and partner. Narcissistic mothers often sabotage their son's marriages. They are constantly cutting down the wife with their toxic messages: "She is an outsider. She is beneath you." "She is a trouble maker." "She doesn't come from the right family. She's not like us." The drip,drip, drip of disdain never stops. Some narcissistic mothers manage to destroy these marriages. The mother/son narcissistic duo is powerful. Beneath the surface, there are great fissures. The idolized son often turns against his narcissistic mother in an effort to free himself from her golden chains. Even if he stops communicating with her, she is always there inside of him. The indelible imprint of the narcissistic mother is part of the narcissistic son's psychic structure which was built from birth. The narcissistic son will never be free. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. Telephone Consultation |
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Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissist
Tags: psychological fusion narcissistic mother narcissistic sabotage narcissistic son
My husband's mother is a monster, and definitely a narcissistic sociopath. Mother narcissists certainly create narcissists. My husband is one and it's because of his mother.
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