Some Narcissists Become Sociopathic
The narcissistic personality is grandiose, self absorbed, manipulative and lacks empathy. The narcissist builds and protects his image--which represents for him/her his true identity. How he appears to others--attractive, brilliant, talented, socially skilled, powerful in the world--is essential to who he is.
Some narcissists cross over the line into sociopathic behaviors when they have lost control of their ever-present rage. This often happens in the middle of a divorce. The narcissist feels himself losing control over the outcome of the proceedings. He is at war with his soon to be ex-spouse. He pulls out all the stops and threatens and intimidates the other party. He uses strong armed tactics and serious verbal threats to terrorize the other party in order to get his way. At this point the narcissist is displaying sociopathic traits. He or she is caring less about image and the consequences of his threats and intimidations than what he knows he deserves----complete victory for himself and defeat and destruction of the spouse. The ends for him justify the means, even if he is threatening his spouse and children with physical harm.
Some spouses of narcissists are unable to recognize that their narcissistic partner has crossed over the line because they are so accustomed to being treated with cruelty, threats and humiliations. It's all the same to them. The abused spouse may not even be aware that her children must be protected and taken out of harm's way.
After life with a narcissist, the person who has been the recipient of constant abuse for so many years needs to make certain steps toward recovery. One of the first and most difficult is the recognition that you are entitled to lead a life that is psychologically secure and safe, that you deserve your peace and that you as an individual have value. Each day you will grow and feel more entitled to lead the life that you deserve. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Categories: divorce, self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissists
Tags: spouses of narcissists sociopathic self-absorbed manipulative
I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother who went into abusive/vicious "over-drive" during my parents' divorce after 33 yrs of their marriage. I was thankfully out of the house & married at the time. She was triggered apparently by my father's heart attack to which she responded by serving him with divorce papers while he struggled for his life in ICU surrounded by his professional colleagues who also comprised the family's social network.
When the smoke cleared my mother had destroyed our family; attempted to destroy my father's medical practice; parenting such as it had been never was resumed by either parent thereafter; and my 16 yr old, straight-A student, ROTC member, leader, happy, functioning brother who had been on his way to law school at USC had been summarily thrown out of the house. He then reactively chose to drop out of school. He successfully petitioned the court for emancipated youth status which granted him adult status, and protection from legal consequences and further parental interference.
After helping out my brother, I tried to take cover and duck my mother and enabling father in their divorce antics. I formally ceased any contact with my parents. My brother made the same choice. However, the blow I sustained emotionally from the divorce debacle was profound for me particularly when piled on top of two prior events: 1) My parents refusal to function on behalf of my marriage 3 years previously; and 2) The paralyzing emotional cannibalism I experienced growing up in their house -- both circumstances I was already struggling to transcend and turn into motivation for a positive life when they embarked on divorcing.
When Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi describes esp the human destructiveness narcissists seek to paint on those around them, especially upon any individuals who in any manner oppose their ideas and plans. My experience attests to the destructive potential impact of narcissism that Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi describes esp the human destructiveness narcissists seek to paint on those around them, especially upon any individuals who in any manner oppose their ideas and plans.
I have spent the last 40 years in quest of emotional reeducation to learn to live with my scars without punishing myself for being a child of this experience, and/or hurting others in and around my life. Thankfully, I enjoy the path this personal journey has taken me on all these years to authentically connect to my self. I attempt to help others too who are on the same path I am due to similar or effectively similar circumstances.
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