Narcissist's Reservoir of Rage
The narcissist continually bubbles with rage. It is right below the surface, a deep fault in a dangerous earthquake zone along the Ring of Fire. The narcissist is the greatest performer in the world. He or she fools almost everyone, especially when their public image is moving at full tilt. With flourishes of grandiosity and self confidence brimming from every pore, the narcissist is the most charming and engaging human being you have ever met. He is on. You've gotta love him! High level narcissists sweep you away, putting your endorphins in overdrive. That's how powerful the effect of a a narcissist can be. I have been in contact with many spouses of narcissists who have described this perfect public face of their narcissistic, spouse, ex-spouse,family member, friend.
The other side, the narcissist's shadow is ever-present beneath the beguiling, irresistible mask. The shadow is frequently revealed in horrific bursts of temper like volcanic fire and lava that pours forth, overwhelming everything in its path. Those who are most damaged by the narcissist's bottomless rage are spouses and children of narcissists. In the family of origin, siblings are often the most traumatized by the budding narcissist. They are trapped in close quarters with a force of nature that is completely out of control. Ragged nerves, insomnia,anxiety attacks,depressive moods and feelings of despair visit those who must live with a narcissistic family member. It is a form of imprisonment, a war zone without relief, respite or peace. Narcissistic rage is omnipresent and has no limits to the devastating levels of psychological abuse it wreaks. The narcissist is always in a psychological state of siege that he visits upon those to whom he should give love and comfort. His bursts of rage, snide remarks, humiliations and withering criticisms are primitive projections that originate from his unconscious and are the living residue of a highly disturbed personality structure.
The narcissist will often not acknowledge that he is raging and if he does admit to it, the responsibility is transfered to others. "They didn't pay attention to what I told them to do. They made unforgivable mistakes. They went behind my back and did what suited them. They defied me." The narcissist is full of justifications for his corrosive behavior. Those who share their lives with him or her must learn to protect themselves from his wrath. Spouses married to narcissists often have to make the decision whether continued exposure to these levels of stress is too emotionally harmful to their children to remain in this highly dysfunctional marriage. Learn to identify and deal with the narcissistic personality in your life by arming yourself with precise knowledge and strategies for dealing with these individuals. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The other side, the narcissist's shadow is ever-present beneath the beguiling, irresistible mask. The shadow is frequently revealed in horrific bursts of temper like volcanic fire and lava that pours forth, overwhelming everything in its path. Those who are most damaged by the narcissist's bottomless rage are spouses and children of narcissists. In the family of origin, siblings are often the most traumatized by the budding narcissist. They are trapped in close quarters with a force of nature that is completely out of control. Ragged nerves, insomnia,anxiety attacks,depressive moods and feelings of despair visit those who must live with a narcissistic family member. It is a form of imprisonment, a war zone without relief, respite or peace. Narcissistic rage is omnipresent and has no limits to the devastating levels of psychological abuse it wreaks. The narcissist is always in a psychological state of siege that he visits upon those to whom he should give love and comfort. His bursts of rage, snide remarks, humiliations and withering criticisms are primitive projections that originate from his unconscious and are the living residue of a highly disturbed personality structure.
The narcissist will often not acknowledge that he is raging and if he does admit to it, the responsibility is transfered to others. "They didn't pay attention to what I told them to do. They made unforgivable mistakes. They went behind my back and did what suited them. They defied me." The narcissist is full of justifications for his corrosive behavior. Those who share their lives with him or her must learn to protect themselves from his wrath. Spouses married to narcissists often have to make the decision whether continued exposure to these levels of stress is too emotionally harmful to their children to remain in this highly dysfunctional marriage. Learn to identify and deal with the narcissistic personality in your life by arming yourself with precise knowledge and strategies for dealing with these individuals. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 1/16/2010 2:47 PM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, marriage, mental health, narcissist, narcissistic rage
Tags: primitive projections narcissist's shadow narcissistic rage
Categories: self help, narcissism, marriage, mental health, narcissist, narcissistic rage
Tags: primitive projections narcissist's shadow narcissistic rage
My narcissistic husband woke this morning and immediately told me how much he loves me. Within 2 minutes, he was cursing me out and calling me all kinds of names like stupid, idiot, and beatch. The assault went on at various points throughout the day...finally ending in him declaring that he has been using me. I am seriously pondering divorce. Narcissist really do not see "beauty"...the better the thing, the person or the situation, the more they want to destroy it. They are destroyers and they don't like peace or reality and certainly not real love. They are the most ANGRY people on earth. You wonder where is all the rage coming from. It surfaces for no reason and is enormous.
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The rage is so interesting. I am realizing now I just got out of an 11 year relationship with a covert narcissist. We got together at the age of 21, so I imagine a lot of his personality disorder was emerging at that time. He had this magnet that he cherished in an odd way that was on the fridge that said "Keep Cool". It was an item he very specifically took off the fridge when he moved out after giving me 2 days notice. I think the magnet was a reminder to him to keep hiding the rage he felt inside. I believe he thought his rage was because of me... And I believed that story for a long time. The rage was hidden, and it came out onto me and the realtionship via passive aggressive behavior and lots of covert emotional manipulation and control. He rarely raised his voice at me or anyone, nor did he bring up things that were bothering him. I thought he was just an easy going guy, and it was my fault that we rehashed the same issues over and over again.
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Wow does this hit the spot! Just the other day my NPD husband and I had a fight. To get some much needed distance and cool off I hopped in the shower. Per my normal routine, I turned up my IPOD, maybe a bit louder since I was emotional and needed the outlet. While I was in the shower he decided he needed something in the bathroom and began knocking. I told him to hang on, but before I could get out and get a towel around me he burst thru the door, cracking the wood up top where the lock is. As he stood there screaming, the door broken, he said, "See this door, you did this by not opening it for me."
He is always telling me when he is behaving in NPD mode that I am the reason he is the way he is. "You did this to me" and "you made me this way" are his constant mantras. His latest trick is to spew his evil, hurtful words at me in a quiet voice, so that no matter how I respond he can come back with "Please don't yell at me". As if. Even in my loudest voice I couldn't come up with anything half as ugly as the words he says calmly.
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