Those who are married to narcissists are constantly embattled. There are no breaks from the battle.The narcissistic spouse is either making outrageous demands, accusing you of being stupid and incompetent or threatening your peace of mind with targeted intimidations and calculated humiliations. 

Narcissists not only have to win, they must defeat you, humiliate you emotionally, pulverize you, until  you feel that you as an individual no longer exists. This is no exaggeration about the narcissist's below the belt battle tactics.  

Narcissists are energy vacuums. When they are not recounting their latest triumph or the important person they met and now know intimately, they are on the offensive, picking at the bones of our defective personalities. They're constantly asking a rhetorical question in various formats: "What's the matter with you?" When you don't answer, the narcissist fills in the blanks: "You're lazy; you're afraid, You don't have any confidence, You're constantly making big mistakes."  The vituperative comments are endless. Eventually most spouses simply feel wrung out and worn down. They are battle weary. Their nerves are frayed. They have physical symptoms: headaches, stomach aches, muscle aches, anxiety attacks, depression, insomnia. You name the symptoms and most of the spouses of narcissists with whom I am in contact have physical and emotional complaints under the marital yoke of the narcissist. 

What are your choices in the battle? Do you stay and try to win? Do you admit defeat to yourself and become a slave to the narcissistic spouse's ego demands? Do you make a life decision to leave the relationship permanently? Some spouses are capable of leading a life with the narcissist but separate from him or her. The marriage is an arrangement that maintains an image of the perfect couple. This has value in the business and public forum. Personally it's another matter altogether. The couple are husband and wife in name only. Other  spouses decide that they are entitled to lead a life that is at the far side of these ugly fractious battles. They recognize that their lives as individuals have value and insist that they deserve inner peace, freedom to think and feel on their own, the opportunity to expand and use their creative gifts and energies. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com