"The narcissist is at all times a deceiver, never straight, clear, or true...Like a sorcerer, he hatches intricate plots in secret." (Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)  Successful narcissists are so convincing that even their spouses believe that they are authentic and capable of caring about them. The narcissist is a dazzler, a consummate charmer. That is part of the reason why almost everyone is taken in by them. The purpose behind the narcissist's actions are always expedient. This is the perfect word that describes the narcissist's ultimate motivation. Expediency is seeking a means to an end, to do what is necessary to win regardless of hurt feelings or broken lives. The narcissist uses his children as narcissistic supplies to inflate his ego. If they don't fit his description of the image he has created, he will reject one child and chooses another who fits the mold of the right son or daughter that he will use to burnish his perfect persona.  

Once a spouse recognizes that she or he is married to a ruthless narcissist who is very unlikely to change, a decision needs to be made. Will the spouse continue to share a life with someone who controls them with empty promises and intimidations. Some spouses decide to stick it out for the lifestyle privileges and financial security. Even those who are in for the long term sentence have no guarantee that the narcissist will not become restless and bored with them and  swiftly pivot into the arms of a new partner. Leaving a "relationship" with a narcissist can be difficult for those who are true believers that he or she will change and become a warm, caring individuals who truly loves them. This dream dies slowly in the mind and psyche of the narcissist's spouse. Deciding to divorce this charming, ruthless conjurer is difficult and daunting but clearly possible. The reward is a life that belongs to a former psychological prisoner of someone who always has some trick or ruse up his sleeve. Disentangled now, the spouse creates a life that belongs to him or her as a separate individual who deserves respect and genuine love. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com