We have all witnessed a two year old in public (restaurants, grocery stores, theatres, malls) acting out in full temper tantrum mode. Shrill screams and intermittent shrieks erupt from the gaping mouth accompanied to violent kicking and flailing arms. These performances can last for minutes that seem like hours. The small squalling child has gotten the attention of his parent and every one else in the store. Just when you think the toddler's energy is waning and he's giving up, fresh energies of a new wail blast through the atmosphere, assaulting your eardrums and shattering your nerves. Everyone is a little embarrassed even though they pretend this drama is not happening.  Some small children continue to kick and fight the parent after they are lifted up. Screams can be heard as the child is moved out of the store and far into the parking lot. Even when quiet has been restored to the regular hum of customer's voices, the sound and visual imprint of this volatile scene resides in the mind and reverberates throughout our senses.  

I describe this phenomenon in detail because it  is very similar to the act of the grown narcissist in his/her full tantrum mode. The only difference is that this is supposedly an adult in full charge of his faculties. Quite the contrary. Narcissists often throw fits of temper. Usually this is done is private because the narcissist must preserve his perfect facade. When you watch a narcissist pulling a tantrum, remind yourself that this is a physically larger and more aged version of a very young child who is beside himself with rage that he cannot have exactly what he wants at this moment. Narcissists are rewarded for their infantile behavior by spouses and other family members who know they cannot win or have any sense of peace restored when confronted with this level of rage. It is very confusing to many spouses when friends and business associates are constantly telling them how charming, understanding and patient their spouse is. "You are so lucky to live with such a considerate and calm human being", they glow with praise and envy. You nod automatically and say to yourself: "God, you have no idea about the real man(or woman) I am living with-- -in private his sharp fangs appear and his acid tongue slices through the air with endless verbal assaults, criticisms, intimidations, threats, humiliations." A full fledged enraged narcissist wreaks much more havoc than a two year old in classic tantrum mode. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com