When we are married to a narcissist, we become part of his/her grand delusion. Spouses play the role that the narcissist has written for them. The narcissist is a master manipulator. He knows how to get exactly what he wants from us. He understands what we need in exchange for giving him or her our lives. With a narcissist there is always the excitement and promise of the next grand adventure---a new business, lucrative investments, designing and building a dream home, exotic travel. It is so easy to unconsciously collude with a narcissist. They are very believable actors. The desire for status, power and wealth draw many men and women into the narcissist's world. I am speaking here about high level narcissists-the movers and shakers in business, politics, entertainment, technology, medicine,law who have arrived at the summit of success.  Regardless of  outward achievements or material largess, the narcissist remains a false self wearing a charming elaborate mask. As we experience the person behind the mask we are shocked by the horror of the narcissist's callousness, perfidy, ruthlessness, manipulations, insidious lies and constant exploitation of our weakness and vulnerabilities.

Many spouses of narcissists with whom I have communicated finally wake up and realize that they have been sharing the narcissist's delusional world. Living this way often for decades is costing them psychological and emotional pain and inflicting   damage on their children. Many non narcissistic spouses have educated themselves about the narcissistic personality disorder, recognized that they have been trapped in this delusional world and make a clear decision to leave the marriage and liberate themselves. Once the life move has been decided and acted upon, the non narcissistic spouse often feels tremendous relief and a great unburdening. Some spouses report that they are physically more vigorous and emotionally and psychologically more stable.  There is a certain kind of freedom former spouses of narcissists describe. They are no longer constrained by the manipulations and intimidations of another human being. They don't feel compelled to fit into a specific mold to please someone else. The ex-spouse of the narcissist discovers those facets of herself/himself that have been hidden or left dormant for too long. These are gifts and energies that are now expanded, developed and nurtured. This is the voice and action of the real self at work. This is the fulfillment of our birthright to become and accept ourselves as creative loving unique individuals who can both give and receive, grow and learn, be active and still, carrying the light within us of steadiness and inner peace. Visit my website:  www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com   

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com