Spouses of Narcissists-Wake Up!
When the light of truth begins to dawn, pay attention.You awaken from the narcissist's hypnotic trance and come face to face with the dismissive and often brutal way you have been treated. You will clearly recall how you and your children are servants of the narcissist's whims and demands. Your personal power has been turned over to him. Think of the psychological harm this is causing your children. None of you deserve to lead lives which appear to perfect on the surface and coincide with the narcissist's obsessive image of reality. Look beneath and recall the cruel ugly reality of how you are not being viewed as a separate valuable individual who deserves respect and independent thinking. Realize that your children are innocents who are daily being manipulated by a very disturbed personality disorder. If you cannot make changes for yourself, do it for your children. Children of narcissists are victims of his/her pathology. Narcissists don't change.As long as you are with him, the stage sets of image and the superficialities of place can alter, but the basic personality structure of these unempathic and ruthless individuals is virtually immutable.
When you awaken from the hypnotic trance the narcissist has placed on you (and with which you have unconsciously cooperated) you will finally see with new eyes. One of the best ways to stay fully awake is by listening to your intuition. Deepen this gift that we all have through establishing a practice of meditation or stillness. Create a practice that works for you. You will discover that meditation keeps you awake, deepens intuition, clarifies the mind and brings you a sense of inner peace. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Categories: divorce,self help,narcissism,marriage,mental health,narcissists
Tags: lack of empathy narcissist's delusion manipulation exploitation abusiveness lies
I ignore my husband as much as possible and only speak to him when it is necessary. I would love to know what happens when the narcissist is continually ignored?
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The answer or reality lies in the distance between being devalued and discarded. What will the narcissist do by being ignored? Find new 'supply'. The ultimate 'discard'. They win, you lose.....period. Then until you /we find ourselves. True selves. This can take quite a bit of time.....fortunately and unfortunately. It's beyond maddening and the pain can be brutal. Having experienced this nightmare personally too. Nightmare really only scratches the surface.
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I am living with a Narcissist. I have know him for almost 3 years. The first year and a half were unbelievable...he's a pilot..we flew everywhere. He took me to the Texas Gulf many times and taught me how to kiteboard. I am 54 and he's 61. He's extremely handsome, in fabulous shape, looks like he's 45. I was smitten.
Now, I'm sitting on the couch, ego sucked out...self-esteem lowered, realizing what is going on and I'm scared to death. We've been fighting for 5 days...it's unbelievable...usually if you start to talk about things in the relationship the partner wants to listen and discuss...all he does is yell and tell me how stupid I am....AMAZING!!! I'm trying to get rid of him and am having a hard time....I don't want to lose him...or the him that I met in the beginning...where did he go??? Why can't I get him back???
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Oh... I'm so sorry to hear about your situation! I can only speak from experience...my own nightmare. I too was "smitten" 33 yrs. ago! I was 22 yrs. old and fell in love with an amazing,sensitive,loving,talented, charming 23 yr. old man..things changed soon after we were married. The horrific verbal and
emotional abuse began..the fighting,the crazy-making, the manipulative bizarre behavior, the rage... a nightmare! He would beg forgiveness and the cycle began again. 32 yrs. and 5 children later... after endless marriage counseling, treatment, prayer, support groups, even a 5 month separation and "reconciling"...it still continues!!!! I finally have realized that he will not/cannot change and I refuse to be a party to this sickness any longer! I'm now 54 and he's 55 and he's trying to convince me(for the millionth time) that he will change and be the Godly man I deserve...but no more. These narcissistic men can pour on the charm and maintain it only for so long and you can be fooled into thinking your amazing man is back, but it is a charade. I will pray that you will seek wisdom and make the right decision for YOU... be safe, be careful and God bless.
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