When a narcissist is shrieking and writhing right before you eyes and you are related to them by marriage or family, it is very unpleasant to say the least. Narcissists frequently burst into fits of rage when their adoring audience is not present to watch the ugly melodrama.  It is their spouses, ex-spouses and children who get the brunt of these horrific scenes. To preserve their impeccable image, most narcissists are the opposite in public and considered above reproach---even fine human beings.

Narcissistic rage is sown in the early years of childhood when the budding narcissist is deemed to be the special child, the keeper of the family flame, the brilliant and talented prince or princess who will fulfill the family promise of prominence, power and ultimate success. In a common scenario one child (sometimes two) is picked to be the favorite due to certain qualities: good looks, a fine intellect, artistic or athletic gifts. This child is favored in the family over all the others and treated as superior. Rather than allowing this child to be himself, he is molded by the parent(s) into a false grandiose self. In the dark recesses of the unconscious, the budding narcissist has left his real self behind, the part of him that is authentic and can feel. As time goes on the full blown narcissist comes to flower, the false self is the core of the narcissistic personality. The narcissist rages because he or she looks down on others who are always imperfect. He also is raging due to his feelings of deep self hatred. Rather than deal with these intolerable feelings buried deep within, he continually projects them onto others.

The narcissistic in full volcanic rage mode is actually the very small child who unconsciously loathes himself and feels helpless, worthless and psychologically empty. Next time you view the narcissist up close or afar in the middle of one of his dramatic rages, remember that this is a regression.  Although we intimately understand the psychodynamics, games, unconscious motivations of the narcissist, this doesn't mean that we have to tolerate being treated abusively. Learn how to protect yourself and use strategies for dealing with narcissists successfully as well as knowing when it's time to sever your relationship with them. Visit my website:
www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com