The narcissistic personality is a fixed characterlogical constellation that begins very early in childhood.The title above applies to most narcissists, with very few exceptions. The narcissist who functions in the world at a very successful level has no reason to change. He/she has everything he wants and desires. He exploits people that get in his way, woos those he plans to seduce for his pleasure and amusement and avoids those who won't bend to his iron will and have clarity and steadfastness about his personality disorder and cannot be fooled or manipulated by him. 

In some cases when excellent therapeutic intervention is used the young budding narcissist can be helped psychologically. The personality at this time is still pliable enough for change to take place when a strong therapeutic bond is formed with a highly skilled and empathic therapist. As the narcissist grows into adulthood, the core of the personality and the defense mechanisms harden and it becomes more difficult for change to take place.  By this time the narcissist in full sail is in the midst of seeking and finding narcissistic supplies such as adulation, praise, high career status, monetary rewards, that keep his ego inflated and his grandiosity on high beam. He is successfully feeding the ego beast and from his point of view is enjoying every moment of it. His lack of conscience is fully apparent in his winning at all costs even if he oversteps ethical and moral boundaries. He/she has a group of loyal followers who venerate him and will sacrifice their individual lives for his grand delusions.   

If you are living with a narcissistic spouse or partner, it is very unlikely that he or she will change. Any psychological change takes place because it is self motivated. The narcissist has no reason to drop the elaborate, believable mask that brings him so many narcissistic supplies---his mana from heaven. If you stay with a narcissist be prepared for his/her dark side to emerge in various forms at any time: bottomless rage, constant demands, denigration, humiliation, psychological sabotage, gratuitous criticism, perpetual undermining, even a secret life. There are some who decide either consciously or unconsciously to stay married to a narcissistic spouse. Too much water under the bridge---they say.  They fear that their lifestyle will be ripped from them. They will be left with no financial security. Many spouses are frightened of losing an identity which is fused with the narcissist's view of himself. They decide to stay for the long haul, that putting up with all the drama and rancor is tolerable. They know the drill and are able to steel themselves to the task of living in close quarters with a narcissistic personality. Others, look around, view themselves through a clear lens and say enough is enough. I can no longer live this way. I deserve to feel free to be my self---authentic, creative, spontaneous. To develop a deeper understanding of the narcissist and to have the tools to make your decision whether to stay with or leave the narcissist, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com