When we are in the presence of a charming individual, we feel different about ourselves. We are lighter, freer, more expanded. The narcissistic charmer draws us into his world. We know from high level narcissists who ooze with charm that attracting and magnetizing people to him is his forte, his solid gold gift.  Many high level narcissists are masters of eye contact, the ability to hold someone with their gaze, especially if there is something that they want from us. Otherwise, there head is in the air, we are dismissed and they are back on the hunt for a more likely candidate.  Human charm is an invaluable capacity. We don't have to be narcissistic personalities to have charm and use it well. Babies have a natural charm that exudes from them and invites us to play, be open and spontaneous. They grin and gurgle, sweeping us up in an embrace with their unblinking eyes. Very young babies of several months of age already are displaying their infectious charm and watching us melt. Charm in itself is a powerful intangible energy and gift that makes life more vivid and exciting. Charm in the hands of a narcissist becomes a powerful weapon for controlling others. For so many who are deeply involved with narcissists, no matter how many years have past and how much abuse has been suffered, the narcissist only needs to activate his mesmerizing charm and empty promises to win over spouses, partners and other victims one more time.

Exploitation, the misuse and abuse of another human  being is a special forte of the narcissist. Narcissists are driven solely by the pursuit of winning what they want and must have. The feelings, emotional, professional or financial consequences to any other person in their lives, even those closest to them, is inconsequential. The narcissist will betray those closest to him/her to achieve his goals. The individuals close to him, including his family are simply objects that he uses to enhance his inflated self image and to obtain everything to which he is entitled. There are no limits to the narcissist's cravings for ultimate power over others. Since he doesn't have a conscience, the narcissist easily sidesteps any moral or ethical impingements that could slow him down or alter his course. The individual being exploited by the narcissist is usually unaware of this deception. Eventually, being used becomes obvious. At this point the spouse, partner, child or friend of the narcissist has the opportunity to extricate himself/herself from what is a non-relationship. This is the moment of opportunity to sever your relationship with this ruthless, exploitive individual. Learning how to specifically identify, understand and deal with these complex and pathological human beings will give you the freedom to define and live your own life on your terms.  Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com