The narcissist is the most clever of manipulators. To him or her, life is a game in which he/she always wins. The people in his life are pawns in his grand chess game. Like a great chess master, the narcissist knows most of the moves he is going to make very early in the game. Individual human beings are his chess pieces: some are rooks, other knights and the special ones he plays with great skill are kings and of course the most coveted---the queen. It is difficult for most of us to understand how a flesh and blood human being can perceive and use other human beings in this manipulative and uncaring way. We don't want to believe that a spouse to whom we have dedicated our lives and shared our love would turn out to be so cold and ruthless.  Eventually, the true nature of the narcissist is always revealed. Some spouses and partners don't want to see the real person to whom they are committed. This would be too painful for them. Their way of dealing with the truth is the long, painful road of massive denial and self blame. So many spouses of narcissists inflict emotional pain on themselves, even to the point of becoming psychologically and physically ill, to avoid the horrendous truth that they are married to a deceptive, fraudulent, exploitive human being.