Psychological Wounds of Narcissist's Scapegoated Child
Narcissists are incapable of genuine love. That is the shared tragedy of the narcissist and sadly his own children. The narcissist is deluded and unaware of his lack of humanity. Children of narcissists consciously suffer from the fact that they have a parent who uses them for his own selfish needs. The narcissistic father (or mother) manipulates his children as narcissistic supplies that feed into his image of perfection and superiority. He often favors one child over the other(s). This is the child of promise who is often distinguished by certain qualities: good looks, mental agility, athleticism, a sparkling personality, an artistic gift. The narcissistic father (or mother) fawns over this child. Other children in the family are routinely ignored and/or abused. One child becomes the narcissist's scapegoat and psychological punching bag. I have listened to many painful life stories of these scapegoated children who are now adults. They speak about the humiliations, verbal abuse, recriminations and psychological terror that they endured because the narcissistic parent used this child as a target. The scapegoated child is often the most sensitive and fragile by nature. The non-narcissistic parent is too intimidated to protect this child. The reign of terror continues for years. The scapegoated child is often piled on by the other siblings in the family so they can save themselves at the victim's expense. These cruel feuds can continue throughout childhood , into adulthood and never be resolved. I have had individuals in deep middle age tell me that they were still being emotionally and psychological victimized by their narcissistic family members. The adult who was scapegoated by a narcissistic parent can heal to stand on firm emotional ground, to assert himself/herself, can develop his special gifts and come to believe and live as a person who deserves respect, kindness, love and an abundance of inner peace. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 10/16/2009 5:16 PM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissists
Tags: verbal abuse humiliations children of narcissists psychological terror scapegoated child
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissists
Tags: verbal abuse humiliations children of narcissists psychological terror scapegoated child
Oh how I can relate to this! I was the "punching bag". Told I was just "too sensitive" as a child. Now that Dad has died, the youngest (narcissist) has stepped forward to lead the family. I knew he spent too much time in front of the mirror. He even told my husband and brother he didn't love his wife before he married her. I knew he did it because of money. Now I realize he's a narcissist just like mom! Two peas in a pod.
Reply to this
after a life of depression and struggles with my mental health at 54 i feel i have the final piece in making sense of my life i suffered at the hands of a npd father and inadequate mother,your article decribes my experience totally.my brother is also a npd .my new years resolution is to cut these people out of my life emotionally, i have tried so long and hard to understand and help them, i realise i am the one in need of help from these people. my life has been badly damaged by my father and both my mothers inability to leave him when i was young, she wanted to but i now see she was npd co dependant, i'm hoping my healing can continue and rise above the savage effects of these monsters, i feel saddened in some ways that all the therapists and mental health professionals never pointed this out to me ,it has come about by slow painstaking work on my own.
Reply to this
I feel sorry for you Jeff. It bothers me to hear that kids are subjected to this type of torture. It can truly break a spirit. I hope you can look inside yourself and pull out all of the good. Don't be the narcissistic supply any longer. Free yourself, shut the door on it and never open it, you will feel strong trust me. Nothing helps these people and aging makes them even worse.
Reply to this
I remember my sister stealing money from my parents and planting it in my wallet under her bed. She said it was in my wallet, and I planted it under her bed. I was automatically punished!
My sister heard me saying, "tell them the truth! Tell them you did it!" and let me get spanked.
She paid. She's never had a lasting relationship. She thinks too highly of herself.
Her mother think the earth is Lindacentric. She claims all her exes abuse her. I know she lied to children services about my father abusing her, because he flushed her drugs down the toilet. I was there. He didn't lay a hand on her. She doesn't regret lying to authority, even after my father died. She recently lied to authority again to get sole custody of her son.
I am angry because my feelings were blocked by lies. I have taken everybody's emotional responsibility but my father's. Without my father, I would've gone insane.
I don't know why I even talk to my mother. She won't even acknowledge how much I've survived. I never demanded anything but her to acknowledge the real me, and my feelings. Her parents were alcoholics, and nearly killed her in a drunken driving accident.
I don't know why I feel obligated to a codependent. I feel like she is weak and needs me. I tell myself, "I can take it". I don't owe her my soul. I just wanted to be the rock. I wanted to lend my emotional strength to people that needed it. I forgot about my own needs.
I am only human. I'm so obsessive compulsive, I try and try to reach perfection. If only I can reach perfection, then my love will be returned.
I know there is a human being under my mother's narcissism. She is a damaged human being, but a human being, nonetheless.
Knowing she can't love me in return, I can break free. She's a stranger that gave birth to me.
I've paid her back for the roof over my head,providing scapegoat therapy to her and my sister. It wasn't good for them to avoid personal responsibility but they wanted it. Demand and supply.
Life isn't fair. I'm glad I wasn't the one that was spoiled. I can't believe I used to envy my sister. Now, I know that nothing's free. Not even favoritism. I idealized her curse. Now, I no longer believe that I'm the monster.
When I was a child, I was vulnerable enough to believe the lies. They no longer have power over me. I'm not bad. I am wanted. I am strong. I am not inconsiderate. I am not selfish.
Reply to this