An attack by a narcissist is a low blow, a strike to the face or an all out assault. These attacks are usually verbal in nature but they pack a wallop.  Narcissists are unconcerned even blasé about the effects of their verbal abuse upon others. What matters to them is that they create and maintain fear, anxiety, humiliation and control over their victim.  If you share your life with a narcissist you know that no matter what you do, it will never be good enough. Only the narcissist is perfect. 

Living in close quarters with a narcissist, you are subject to his primitive projections.  These projections are unconscious and corrosive. Projections are aggressive and can be threatening. Often they take the form of humiliation: "I have created your life and I can destroy you."  " I don't know why I put up with such a stupid person."  "What's the matter with you. You keep making dumb mistakes. You'll never learn."  When a narcissist suddens turns on you, it is shocking and can be devastating. He/she is a dirty fighter, catching you when you are particularly vulnerable. Although the narcissist is un- self aware and lacks insight, he knows when and how to pummel his victim to cause the greatest psychological harm.  A primitive projection is very raw---it contains unconscious, threatening, aggressive, traumatic contents that the narcissist experienced in childhood. These projections arise from the core of the narcissistic personality. When the narcissist doesn't get his way or is feeling out of control, he is most likely to attack in this manner.

There are several strategies you can apply to the narcissist's primitive projections:
1. Learn to identify and understand the inner dynamics of the narcissistic personality (so you know what you are dealing with) Go to my website for comprehensive information about the narcissist: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
2. Get in touch with your own healthy narcissism - the ability to accept yourself as a person of integrity who deserves respect and is capable and entitled.
3. Activate your intuition. Become aware of when narcissists are more inclined to use projections. It is wise  not to be alone with a narcissist if this can be avoided. If not, learn to recognize that these attacks are not about you.  They are the inner unconscious aggressive feelings and impulses of  the narcissist.  
4. Assertively state that these comments directed at you are inappropriate. 
5.Give yourself credit. You understand the real meaning of narcissistic projections and you have learned to remain separate from them to maintain your integrity and a separate sense of self. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com