For the Narcissist-Image is Everything
The identity of the narcissist is largely based on his/her external image. I am talking about personal appearance, the look of success--homes,cars,planes, yes---even wives, mistresses and children. The narcissist feeds on his grandiose feelings of superiority but must present perfection to the world. His act is so smooth. He or she is perfectly turned out--so charming, affable, persuasive with those from whom he is seeking approval, power, money, praise. Those on the receiving end of this act feel a thrill of excitement in a highly developed narcissist. He surrounds himself with an aura of overriding confidence, When the narcissist is "on", he or she can seduce us with their magnetism (unless we know how to read them psychologically).
Those who have spent years of suffering living through relationships or marriages to narcissists know that this velvet exterior is an act, a device of manipulation. Even so, many spouses and partners of narcissists trudge on, staying with these masters of image because they want to believe that this is the real person. Narcissists rip off their masks when they leave a particular stage. They are consummate actors---they even produce tears that appear to be genuine. The dark side is exposed readily enough. The rages, recriminations, criticisms, humiliations, accusations resume. The partner is blamed for everything that goes wrong. The self hatred that the narcissist unconsciously feels inside is spewed out onto those closest to him. They take the blows. There are no real apologies for these verbal assaults. The narcissist justifies all of his actions, even his cruelest deeds.
I remind those who are recipients of the narcissist's vitriol that he/she is not going to change. You can stand there and take the blows, numb yourself, detach emotionally, in some cases, become psychologically or even physically ill, or you can make the decision to end what was never a reciprocal relationship and reclaim what you deserve: your life together with all of your gifts, energies, dreams, talents and potential. It's not too late. It is your decision. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Those who have spent years of suffering living through relationships or marriages to narcissists know that this velvet exterior is an act, a device of manipulation. Even so, many spouses and partners of narcissists trudge on, staying with these masters of image because they want to believe that this is the real person. Narcissists rip off their masks when they leave a particular stage. They are consummate actors---they even produce tears that appear to be genuine. The dark side is exposed readily enough. The rages, recriminations, criticisms, humiliations, accusations resume. The partner is blamed for everything that goes wrong. The self hatred that the narcissist unconsciously feels inside is spewed out onto those closest to him. They take the blows. There are no real apologies for these verbal assaults. The narcissist justifies all of his actions, even his cruelest deeds.
I remind those who are recipients of the narcissist's vitriol that he/she is not going to change. You can stand there and take the blows, numb yourself, detach emotionally, in some cases, become psychologically or even physically ill, or you can make the decision to end what was never a reciprocal relationship and reclaim what you deserve: your life together with all of your gifts, energies, dreams, talents and potential. It's not too late. It is your decision. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 10/2/2009 11:09 AM 
Categories: divorce,self help,narcissism,marriage,mental health,narcissist
Tags: superiority criticisms grandiose perfect image
Categories: divorce,self help,narcissism,marriage,mental health,narcissist
Tags: superiority criticisms grandiose perfect image
I found your website via http://peace4missing.ning.com/profiles/blogs/trying-to-protect-a-loved-one
I learned about narcissistic personalities when I married into a family with an older brother that thought he was God himself. I spent 15 years tolerating this bully to keep the peace in my family. However, I drew the line when he decided to abuse my then fourteen year old daughter, (now eighteen). I severed ties, and paid a price with my husband who thought I shouldn't have "rocked the boat". But the past four years has been worth the price. Walking away from this abuse was the best thing I could have done for my health, and my family.
I had to see him again just a week ago at a wedding, but I acted like he didn't exist. I don't know if I got any dirty condescending looks, because I never tried to make eye contact.
The rest of his family still tolerates his outbursts, and chalks it up to, he won't listen anyway.
It is their loss. We can't own anyone else's decision to become a victim.
Years later, my brother's ex wife walked away from her husband and two daughters to have an affair with a security guard. She walked away seven years ago and didn't return. Now her daughters are 11 and 8. Although I wished she would have stepped up, and tried to be a mom even part time,she didn't. Instead she left town, had two more children, and trying to leave her latest husband. Her latest husband is fighting for full custody as well.
Either way, the point is, it is better that you DON'T deal with narcissism. I am better off without the brother in law. And even though it is painful, those girls are better off without her.
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Yes the Children are much better off with out her. I watch my two grandchildren suffering with her wrath when she does show up. I think it would be so much easier if she was just out of the picture entirely and they didn't have to deal with her trickery, questions put downs about their father nasty comments about his parents. The list goes on and on. She can't even pick them up with out trying to start a fight with the father. Then she says see what daddy does to Mommy ! How hateful can any one person be. Last week she forgot a musical instrument, went back to pick it up, dad brought out the instrument and said nothing to her, so she just couldn't leave it alone, she yells out from the car "NICE TALKING TO YA" she is a very sick person. I just wish he could leave town and be done with the likes of her altogether, but unfortunate they have two children and he is so concerned about thier welfare. And has primary custody. She lies her way out of anythign and everything in court, bold and agressive and just plain lying to make herself look good. I have sent this blog to him to read. I hope it sinks in. he knows what she is, yet he is having such a hard time dealing with it all. She has beat him to a pulp emotionally, isolated him and kicked him to the ground, it is taking him a long time to see the real Narcissist in her. Now to learn how to deal with her, and just walk away from her hurtful tongue.
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