Narcissistic Daddy's Girls
We find narcissistic daddy's girls disrupting many families these days. They cause horrendous problems for their siblings and every one else in the family except daddy. The psychological background for this pattern often begins with the marriage between a borderline wife and a narcissistic husband. The husband uses his wife as a convenient prop, exploiting her in every way possible. The borderline wife who constantly fears abandonment and is emotionally dependent and compliant, will accept the crumbs that her spouse throws her way. The borderline wife is just trying to survive. She does not feel entitled or confident or worthy. Many borderlines are heavily burdened by deep feelings of shame and degradation left over from their chaotic childhoods. By marrying a narcissist they are assured of unconsciously repeating their painful childhood traumas.
When the borderline wife has a daughter, the mother is very insecure about how to take care of her baby. Since she can't nurture herself, she may have great difficulty providing affection and warmth to her infant. Having a child often puts the borderline woman in a state of psychological confusion. In the past it was hard enough to survive as an individual. Now she is responsible for a helpless infant. Some borderline mothers are able to minister to the infant's physical needs but incapable of nurturing them psychologically and emotionally.
In normal psychological development the little girl loves her father in a special way. He is the great knight, the ultimate protector, the mystical hero, the healer who eases her pain when the world turns cruel. He will fight her battles and always win. She is his princess; he carries her on his shoulders and lifts her to the heights. She is fearless with daddy by her side. Little girls idealize their fathers---"I can't wait 'til daddy gets home." Daddy is often forgiven more quickly than mother. Mother is female like her; father is male, a prince. This is part of the symbolic family tale that explains the special relationship that develops in healthy father/daughter relationships. As the daughter becomes more separate from her father as an individual, she is able to view him as a real person with his flaws and human frailties. A good father loves his daughter deeply but securely guides her toward becoming a separate human being.
Enter the narcissistic father who is always looking for ego gratification. What could be better for some narcissistic fathers than to be adored by a perfect beautiful being that belongs only to him, his daughter.The narcissistic father may favor his daughter over his son if she has certain attributes---physical beauty, compelling magnetic personality, smoothly manipulative, highly confident, mentally bright. The father chooses his special daddy's girl over his wife as a psychological partner, especially if his spouse is a borderline personality. His borderline wife has no sparkle or fizz. She is dependent and withering, a boring burden. The narcissistic father unconsciously through his actions and words communicates to his princess that she is the singular star in his universe. Some narcissistic fathers introduce their daughters to the adult world prematurely. They may imprudently expose their daughters to a world where adults are drinking irresponsibly or behaving in impulsive and inappropriate ways that are both frightening and alluring to a young child. Although there is no sexual contact between father and daughter, there is a strong libidinal charge that the daughter feels intensely. In her growing mind and psyche, she begins to feel like her dad's partner not his child.
In some cases the boundary is crossed and various degrees of sexual contact occur at the instigation of the narcissistic father.(Fathers committing incest upon their daughters have a variety of psychological disorders and are not necessarily narcissistic.) This is incest: a crime and an extremely damaging violation of a child's psyche and body.
As she matures, the princess develops as a narcissistic personality, playing, her role as daddy's girl to the hilt. Narcissistic daddy's girls learn to manipulate and play men very early. Using their sexuality, good looks and alluring personalties, they can get anything they want out of a man with the least amount of effort. These women are thrilled by the chase but have short romantic attention spans and find themselves moving frequently to more attractive male targets who will more powerfully fulfill their grandiose ego demands. Narcissistic daddy's girls are often despised by women who fear them as predators. Beneath their "daddy love" and pursuit of men as trophies, many narcissistic daddy's girls hate men, finding them weak, malleable and impotent. These once prized daughters are unable to give or receive love. Their inner lives are shallow, bleak and empty. Ultimately, they are alone, staring into the darkness.
Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
When the borderline wife has a daughter, the mother is very insecure about how to take care of her baby. Since she can't nurture herself, she may have great difficulty providing affection and warmth to her infant. Having a child often puts the borderline woman in a state of psychological confusion. In the past it was hard enough to survive as an individual. Now she is responsible for a helpless infant. Some borderline mothers are able to minister to the infant's physical needs but incapable of nurturing them psychologically and emotionally.
In normal psychological development the little girl loves her father in a special way. He is the great knight, the ultimate protector, the mystical hero, the healer who eases her pain when the world turns cruel. He will fight her battles and always win. She is his princess; he carries her on his shoulders and lifts her to the heights. She is fearless with daddy by her side. Little girls idealize their fathers---"I can't wait 'til daddy gets home." Daddy is often forgiven more quickly than mother. Mother is female like her; father is male, a prince. This is part of the symbolic family tale that explains the special relationship that develops in healthy father/daughter relationships. As the daughter becomes more separate from her father as an individual, she is able to view him as a real person with his flaws and human frailties. A good father loves his daughter deeply but securely guides her toward becoming a separate human being.
Enter the narcissistic father who is always looking for ego gratification. What could be better for some narcissistic fathers than to be adored by a perfect beautiful being that belongs only to him, his daughter.The narcissistic father may favor his daughter over his son if she has certain attributes---physical beauty, compelling magnetic personality, smoothly manipulative, highly confident, mentally bright. The father chooses his special daddy's girl over his wife as a psychological partner, especially if his spouse is a borderline personality. His borderline wife has no sparkle or fizz. She is dependent and withering, a boring burden. The narcissistic father unconsciously through his actions and words communicates to his princess that she is the singular star in his universe. Some narcissistic fathers introduce their daughters to the adult world prematurely. They may imprudently expose their daughters to a world where adults are drinking irresponsibly or behaving in impulsive and inappropriate ways that are both frightening and alluring to a young child. Although there is no sexual contact between father and daughter, there is a strong libidinal charge that the daughter feels intensely. In her growing mind and psyche, she begins to feel like her dad's partner not his child.
In some cases the boundary is crossed and various degrees of sexual contact occur at the instigation of the narcissistic father.(Fathers committing incest upon their daughters have a variety of psychological disorders and are not necessarily narcissistic.) This is incest: a crime and an extremely damaging violation of a child's psyche and body.
As she matures, the princess develops as a narcissistic personality, playing, her role as daddy's girl to the hilt. Narcissistic daddy's girls learn to manipulate and play men very early. Using their sexuality, good looks and alluring personalties, they can get anything they want out of a man with the least amount of effort. These women are thrilled by the chase but have short romantic attention spans and find themselves moving frequently to more attractive male targets who will more powerfully fulfill their grandiose ego demands. Narcissistic daddy's girls are often despised by women who fear them as predators. Beneath their "daddy love" and pursuit of men as trophies, many narcissistic daddy's girls hate men, finding them weak, malleable and impotent. These once prized daughters are unable to give or receive love. Their inner lives are shallow, bleak and empty. Ultimately, they are alone, staring into the darkness.
Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 8/25/2009 6:07 PM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, narcissistic daughters, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: borderline wives narcissistic fathers alone hate men empty daddy's girls pursue men
Categories: self help, narcissism, narcissistic daughters, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: borderline wives narcissistic fathers alone hate men empty daddy's girls pursue men
My older sister was daddy's favorite. I would describe her as a narcissistic daddy's girl. As the younger, less attractive and more introverted sibling, I did not appeal to my father's image of producing a perfect, beautiful daugher. My mother was treated with disdain by my dad, like a fixture rather than a person. My sister was mean and dismissive to me. I learned to keep my head down and to survive. Dad introduced Eve to everyone in his power circle, even when she was very young. The two of them were inseparable. She created a much more dynamic and attractive image for him than my mom. Three marriages later Eve continues in her endless pursuit of men. Eve is ever restless and unable to connect with a man in an intimate way. My sister still reminds all of us that she is daddy's favorite and no one can de-throne her. I have worked hard through psychotherapy and a lot of psychological pain to appreciate and respect who I am as a strong individual.
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Hello. This is a very brief comment about a narcissistic grandpa and his narcissistic Grandpa's Girl.
When my narcissistic dad became a grandfather to my very beautiful looking daughter, and I was a needy, single and unaware mom, he came between my daughter and I at every turn. She is now an adult and still acts like he is her cult leader. He can usually do no wrong in his mind --- and in hers.
After years of their manipulation & abuse, I am relieved to share to the world here, that I am finally having no more contact with both of them -- and this even though my daughter now has children of her own, my grandchildren --- None of them, my dad, my daughter and her children do I have any more hope for. Nor do I feel responsible to try and help save them anymore from their narcissism.
My number one regret in my life is that I should have kept my Daughter away from my Dad from the beginning of her life, but I just did not know at the time how destructive he was until I was in my 50s. For you see, I too was his Daddy's Girl but somehow I managed not to become a damaging narcissist.
May this brief and sad tale, help someone here know they are not alone when it comes to being damaged by a narcissist dad and grandpa, and that sometimes we make choices that we later regret, but we can take steps to stop any further abuse from happening at least to ourselves.
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