Narcissistic Daughters-in-Law from Hell
Relationships between blood relatives can be touchy at best, malevolent at worst. We look at someone who shares our DNA and can't believe it, especially if this person is a narcissist. Relationships with in-laws are fraught with jealousies, envies, explosive secrets, nasty feuds,pound of flesh revenge, emotional sabotage.
Some daughters-in-law begin as quiet concealed narcissists. They have all the traits of the narcissistic personality disorder- obsessive self absorption,emotional coldness,stealthy manipulation,lack of empathy,psychological shallowness and emptiness. In the beginning these narcissists appear to be low key. They ingratiate themselves to people socially with compliments and clever conversation. They purposely form relationships with those who can assist them up the top rungs of the social and professional ladders.
A classic case comes to mind of a young attractive female narcissist who came in the disguise of an easy informal manner that was particularly appealing to young men. Maureen had been searching for just the right man since her late teens. In her last year of college Maureen hit the jackpot. She sought out and found Sean, a good student but more important, a confident young man with charm and drive to match. Sean was ambitious, socially sophisticated and highly adept at creating computer game programs. After her first date with Sean, Maureen knew that he was the one. She immediately felt a strong pull toward him, a psychological fusion. Maureen knew how to control Sean through her worshipful devotion and her masterful sexual satisfaction of his libidinal needs and desires. Maureen was the administrative assistant to a wealthy female philanthropist. This woman treated Maureen like a beloved daughter, providing her with a very generous salary and access to a private apartment within her large estate. Maureen quickly made plans for her wedding. The ceremony took place at the estate; it was perfect.
As Maureen continued to be pampered by her surrogate mother/employer she became more self entitled and demanding. Maureen took greater psychological control over Sean and constantly manipulated him. Sean was flexible, naive and very much in love.
One sticking point from the beginning was Maureen's immediate jealousy of Sean's relationship with his mother. When her mother-in-law called, Maureen was very short with her. Sean didn't notice the enmity that Maureen was harboring against her mother-in-law.
On one face to face visit, when Sean was out, Maureen took her mother-in-law aside and let her have it. She demanded that Hillary stop calling her son or writing to him. Maureen accused Hillary of being a possessive mother who was fostering a dependency with Sean that was jeopardizing Maureen's marriage. Maureen's true narcissistic nature was revealed. Her cold, accusatory, untruthful accusations were delivered like a royal edict. "Sean belongs to me. No one can have him. I will not share Sean with anyone, especially you, a sick possessive mother." After recovering from the initial shock of Maureen's delusional vitriol, Hillary sadly recognized that her son had married a selfish, self entitled, callous, highly jealous, grandiose narcissistic personality. For more information that will help you to skillfully identify, understand and deal with narcissistic in-laws and other family members, visit my website:www.thenarissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Some daughters-in-law begin as quiet concealed narcissists. They have all the traits of the narcissistic personality disorder- obsessive self absorption,emotional coldness,stealthy manipulation,lack of empathy,psychological shallowness and emptiness. In the beginning these narcissists appear to be low key. They ingratiate themselves to people socially with compliments and clever conversation. They purposely form relationships with those who can assist them up the top rungs of the social and professional ladders.
A classic case comes to mind of a young attractive female narcissist who came in the disguise of an easy informal manner that was particularly appealing to young men. Maureen had been searching for just the right man since her late teens. In her last year of college Maureen hit the jackpot. She sought out and found Sean, a good student but more important, a confident young man with charm and drive to match. Sean was ambitious, socially sophisticated and highly adept at creating computer game programs. After her first date with Sean, Maureen knew that he was the one. She immediately felt a strong pull toward him, a psychological fusion. Maureen knew how to control Sean through her worshipful devotion and her masterful sexual satisfaction of his libidinal needs and desires. Maureen was the administrative assistant to a wealthy female philanthropist. This woman treated Maureen like a beloved daughter, providing her with a very generous salary and access to a private apartment within her large estate. Maureen quickly made plans for her wedding. The ceremony took place at the estate; it was perfect.
As Maureen continued to be pampered by her surrogate mother/employer she became more self entitled and demanding. Maureen took greater psychological control over Sean and constantly manipulated him. Sean was flexible, naive and very much in love.
One sticking point from the beginning was Maureen's immediate jealousy of Sean's relationship with his mother. When her mother-in-law called, Maureen was very short with her. Sean didn't notice the enmity that Maureen was harboring against her mother-in-law.
On one face to face visit, when Sean was out, Maureen took her mother-in-law aside and let her have it. She demanded that Hillary stop calling her son or writing to him. Maureen accused Hillary of being a possessive mother who was fostering a dependency with Sean that was jeopardizing Maureen's marriage. Maureen's true narcissistic nature was revealed. Her cold, accusatory, untruthful accusations were delivered like a royal edict. "Sean belongs to me. No one can have him. I will not share Sean with anyone, especially you, a sick possessive mother." After recovering from the initial shock of Maureen's delusional vitriol, Hillary sadly recognized that her son had married a selfish, self entitled, callous, highly jealous, grandiose narcissistic personality. For more information that will help you to skillfully identify, understand and deal with narcissistic in-laws and other family members, visit my website:www.thenarissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 8/17/2009 11:20 PM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, marriage, mental health, narcissist
Tags: lack of empathy narcissistic daughter-in-law concealed narcissist emotional coldness
Categories: self help, narcissism, marriage, mental health, narcissist
Tags: lack of empathy narcissistic daughter-in-law concealed narcissist emotional coldness
That sounds exactly like the situation that is happening right now. I have tried all angles to no avail. It doesn't matter what I do at this point it would be wrong. Either my son has been/being totally manipulated or he has become a narcissist himself. I haven't seen my grandchildren for over a year. I thought I was a mother and a grandmother but it is hard to do that when it is not allowed. At this point of being continually disappointed and hurt I am giving it up and letting whatever happen. Too much stress, worry, unfounded guilt, sadness, anger, grief, etc. Life is too short
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I'm going thru this also with my daughter-in-law. I have 2 grandkids that I haven't seen in 3 months cuz I'm fun to be around and I spoil them. Help...I'm under much stress also and want to give up also. We live in the same small town so its really hard. My son is sucked in by her manipulative behavior. He doesn't get what's happening. I feel like I've lost my son and my grandkids. Will this ever get better? To make matters worse HER mother is very narcissistic also and lives in this same town. What can I do?
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This is also my situation. My daughter in law treats me like the ex-girlfriend. My son is not allowed to see me because I don’t get along with her. I would have to sneak to talk to my own son. Then I found out that she had control over his email accounts, his face book page and his phone. She told him that is what married people do and he believed it. I would be sitting at work and then I would get a text from her pretending to be my son. So, it has gotten to the point that I have given up. I pray they don’t bring any kids into this toxic marriage. She also lies to my son all the time and he believes every thing she says. I am blamed for everything from childbirth to adulthood. I am worried because I stop communication with my son once before and then he ended up the hospital for about a month. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with him. All they could say was strange behavior. I think she did something to my son and now she wants me out the picture so she can have full control over my son…her slave.
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I am a father of a marine stationed in Okinawa japan.He came home and married a girl that we had never met.Then he went back to Japan.She has started telling lies on our family,and he believes everything she says.He has turned his back on all of us,and has called and used very nasty language with us.The funny thing he was fine before he married her.Now he blames us for everything.Things we haven't even done,and she acts like she's an innocent victim.I feel like I have lost my son to this manipulative woman,and I am sick of her lies,and him believing her over us.I don't know how to deal with this.She covers her tracks really well.
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I am dealing with a same problem, a narcissistic daughter in law...any thing I do is wrong, she is blaming me for all the problem she has with my son, my son never to come to our house but she thinks he is here all the time. She can not keep friendship for long, my son says they have no friends because she thinks everybody are talking something bad about her, she even went to his Facebook account and cut my son's cousin from the account, because she was jealous of her. My son was always one happy camper & he loved to associate with people and specially relatives & his sister, but now he is not allowed to see anybody. One time we has a long talk and I said please just put everything behind and let's work it out, ok just in one case...if you would apologize for bad things you did to me (in my mind I said ok do it just for the sake of your son!!) so I said my dear I really apologize if I have heart you In any ways....she turned and said ohhh NO you said "if I have heart you..you have to say yes I know I have heart you. PLEASE just tell me how to deal with her???
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Hi Friends...Im so grateful to have found this site. I am going thru the very same thing right now. It seems that things have made a complete turn around since the day my son married her on 9/16/11. We are just devastated.
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I must echo the above sentiment. We have been devastated by this. We thought our d-i-l was sweet when our son was dating her...even when they were first married. Soon she was working on convincing him that we always favored his sister (much to the surprise of everyone we know). They now have 4 children. We have never even seen the fourth. It's been over a year and a half since we last saw any of the family. Having come from a pretty dysfunctional family, this is totally strange. Even when members didn't speak for awhile, we never cut anyone out completely. She won't even send pictures of the children to their aunt, because she might share the pictures with us. Is there any hope?
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My problem with my daughter in law, is a terrible story really to long to write,but my son first started off telling me can't talk to you for awhile need to work on my marriage this was said over aperiod of time several time and staight out he was told its's your Mother or me.. So it was me. Now I have never given him advice about their marriage,their children or anything..I have known her since she was 15 yrs old..The lies coming out of his mouth about me is hurtful and every conversation or should I say cross words is him wanting an apology for something he said..I did not say . So after rounds and rounds of this I just said Good -bye..If having me out of their lives makes her happy,then he'll be happy. I can't believe what he has become...I don't even know who he is... It hurts because I love him so..but I can't be in their presence without a lawyer and a tape recorder.. Now he's found reglion...are you kidding me and you know you lied and blamed me and he still looking for that apology to her I quit.. anyone have advice for this??? I wrote him a letter and explained all my thoughts. Told him I will always love him but I don't exist anymore and I'm saying Good bye. That was in August and Haven't heard a word from him. So I guess that was all he needed to keep her happy.
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