Narcissist Has No Mercy
Mercy is the capacity to relieve pain or suffering and to be a compassionate human being. I have seen mercy in the acts of small children. We learn or do not learn very early about mercy and its meaning. Being merciful is one of the attributes that makes us fully human. When we are merciful, we step out of ourselves and our preoccupations to pay attention and soothe some one else who is suffering, even if this individual is a stranger.
The narcissist is without mercy. He or she is completely self absorbed, oblivious to the needs of others, including his family. If people around him are in pain, whether physical or psychological, narcissists experience this as a burden, a nuisance, an interruption in their flow of achieving goals that will make them more successful. The narcissist's mind is often on money not mercy. Mercy is not part of his living history or being.
During crises the narcissist is frequently too busy with his important work to assist a family member even with a serious medical situation. Some narcissists, male and female, are absent from surgeries and medical procedures performed on the non narcissistic spouse. Business matters are the priority. Husbands or wives with chronic illnesses are treated very cruelly and coldly by the narcissistic partner. They have become a liability. The unhealthy spouse is no longer able to keep up with the image that the narcissist has worked so hard to create for both of them as the golden couple. Narcissists often blame the spouse who is ill, projecting their rage onto them regardless of the spouse's severe pain and physical weakness. In some instance the non narcissistic spouse is served with divorce papers while hospitalized. The narcissist is in such a hurry to discard this burdensome individual, that he does not perceive this move as cruel and barbaric but efficient and timely. .
Narcissists often abandon their children from the beginning. When they are little, the narcissist either gives them no attention at all or he is highly critical and intimidating toward them. Every meeting with the narcissistic parent is like boot camp with endless drills.
Narcissists belittle their children, reminding them that they are inferior compared with their narcissistic mother or father.
The child has no one to turn to when he is in emotional pain. He learns that, even though he has parents, when he needs support the most, no one will be there for him. He is all alone, having to fend for himself.
.
Very few escape the narcissist's lack of mercy. It is heartbreaking to watch those who are psychologically fused with him/ her in an intimate relationship or marriage, believe that at some point, the narcissist will change and shed his steely, merciless personality. Waiting for this occurrence and believing that you can effect a shift in the tectonic plates of the narcissistic personality is a wistful wish and an empty dream.
There is so much that you can achieve. Learn to skillfully identify and how to deal with the many narcissists that come into your personal and professional orbit. Practice mercy toward others and be merciful to yourself. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The narcissist is without mercy. He or she is completely self absorbed, oblivious to the needs of others, including his family. If people around him are in pain, whether physical or psychological, narcissists experience this as a burden, a nuisance, an interruption in their flow of achieving goals that will make them more successful. The narcissist's mind is often on money not mercy. Mercy is not part of his living history or being.
During crises the narcissist is frequently too busy with his important work to assist a family member even with a serious medical situation. Some narcissists, male and female, are absent from surgeries and medical procedures performed on the non narcissistic spouse. Business matters are the priority. Husbands or wives with chronic illnesses are treated very cruelly and coldly by the narcissistic partner. They have become a liability. The unhealthy spouse is no longer able to keep up with the image that the narcissist has worked so hard to create for both of them as the golden couple. Narcissists often blame the spouse who is ill, projecting their rage onto them regardless of the spouse's severe pain and physical weakness. In some instance the non narcissistic spouse is served with divorce papers while hospitalized. The narcissist is in such a hurry to discard this burdensome individual, that he does not perceive this move as cruel and barbaric but efficient and timely. .
Narcissists often abandon their children from the beginning. When they are little, the narcissist either gives them no attention at all or he is highly critical and intimidating toward them. Every meeting with the narcissistic parent is like boot camp with endless drills.
Narcissists belittle their children, reminding them that they are inferior compared with their narcissistic mother or father.
The child has no one to turn to when he is in emotional pain. He learns that, even though he has parents, when he needs support the most, no one will be there for him. He is all alone, having to fend for himself.
.
Very few escape the narcissist's lack of mercy. It is heartbreaking to watch those who are psychologically fused with him/ her in an intimate relationship or marriage, believe that at some point, the narcissist will change and shed his steely, merciless personality. Waiting for this occurrence and believing that you can effect a shift in the tectonic plates of the narcissistic personality is a wistful wish and an empty dream.
There is so much that you can achieve. Learn to skillfully identify and how to deal with the many narcissists that come into your personal and professional orbit. Practice mercy toward others and be merciful to yourself. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 7/28/2009 11:10 PM 
Categories: self help, self, narcissism, marriage, mental health, narcissist, interpersonal relatinships
Tags: self absorbed abandon their chldren project rage cruel lack of mercy
Categories: self help, self, narcissism, marriage, mental health, narcissist, interpersonal relatinships
Tags: self absorbed abandon their chldren project rage cruel lack of mercy
Dr. Linda,
Thank you for writing this article. Being merciful or compassionate is not the in narcissists true self, although they do a great job of faking it to outside...not behind closed doors. As a child, I would lay in my bed, sick, for days on end with no attention from my narcissistic mother, except when I was being told ( yelled at is more accurate) that I got sick on purpose just to ruin her day. She had more important things to do. However, since I was the scapegoated child, I would have to watch, when her goldenchild son got sick, be literally served in bed with meals, medication and gifts to help him pass his illness.
Decades later, my little girl was in the ICU. It was hell on earth to say the least. I never left her side. NMother and Enabling father would show up at the hospital, to get the lastest information, but showed no concern or compassion towards my daughter, nevermind me. I had no money with me, as we left our home in a ambulance, and when I asked for some money to buy food for myself, after 5 days, I was told that if I didn't have any money with me, it's my own fault. However, NMom would go home and call the family, telling them how she had to do everything for my daughter because I was no where around and family members were not to go to the hospital because she was the only one allowed in to see and care for my daughter. I always wondered where my extended family was during those days. However, all Nmom was using it for was to make herself the center of attention, as the only one there for my child, how horrible it was for her and telling hidious lies to cover her tracks. Compassion and some form of mercy would have not only been appreciated, by warrented. However, when dealing with a narcissist, those are the two things that they can never give. They don't know what it is. It's just something to get for themselves through manipulation and lies...the hallmarks of a narcissist.
Reply to this
Well I sympathize with you very much. I am the daughter of a NPD'd mother with a father who enables her. I married a Sociopath for 25 years. My mother is so cold and everything is All about her. She is even embarrassed that I divorced my husband even though he massively abused my kids and myself. My mother in law was also completely void of empathy or caring and I had to live with her for a time period and had asked her for the money to buy diapers because my sociopathic husband had not sent me any money and her resounding answer was NO, I am not going to pay for diapers. (mind you this was her first grandson) I feel like I am so completely surrounded by Narcissists that I can cry just thinking of all the miserable years I wasted. I did protect my son's to the best of my ability and they are now grown I have been out of the marriage now for three years. I came down with RA (rheumatoid arthritis) I also have ICand a pretty bad case of PTSD. I feel like half a person if that. Needless to say I would love to find a man that cared but I don't know what that would feel like and now that I am sick the chances of finding someone good are pretty impossible. Just Sad Today for me and anyone that has gone through this. I am sorry for you and for you daughter for having to even come in contact with someone so heartless and cruel. Good Luck To You Always,
Cherie
Reply to this
Cherie,
I can totally relate to you.Being raised by a narcissist mother (and all the players that go with it) is something that can't be described. Unfortunately, it has to be experienced to be believed. It seems to be the same old story for us: We get married thinking that the hell will come to an end and you can begin a new life with someone who loves you. Wrong. We walk right back into the same thing all over again. You're right. We don't know what real love feels like.It takes time and self-examination, standing up for ourselves, no matter what the price, to finally realize the life of hell our mothers deemed us to live and that we DON'T have to. Expressing our emotions and keeping the pain pushed deep down inside us is something they raised us to do. We were taught that expressing our emotions, needs or react to their abuse was bad and were punished, again, in one form or another for doing so. However, they are entitled to rage whenever it suits them, which is often. My Nmom was also embarrassed that I divorced my husband after years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. ("No one in this family ever had a divorce before!")That's when I realized, for sure, that my life, my emotions, my being abused, didn't matter one bit. Why should it? It's ALL about her and didn't she do the same and feel entitled to? Why would she say someone who gave you and your children the very same treatment she did is horrible and protect you or give you support? That would be damning herself. I, too, had a MIL that supported my abusive husbands every move.
Here's the good news: Once I went through that hellish divorce ( 6 years), got out with my daughter, I lived without a man for 18 years. It was no problem, believe me. I took the time to take care of myself and my child, re-establish my self-esteem, took care of my health problems and finally felt and lived a healthy life. Surprisingly, good people, who did not abuse me, or judge me unfairly, found me. When I did encounter one of "them", my radar so so fine-tuned, I ran to the nearest exit. I have been in No Contact with my abusive family for almost 10 years now. I know, it's a hard thing to do. Society has made us believe that all mothers are compassionate, self-sacrificing, and a ever-giving well of unconditional love. But, take heart that there are so many of us that know better and are FINALLY speaking up through websites like this one. We have validation here. Please allow me to say: You don't need a man right now. What you need is to take care of yourself and find the person you were meant to be. It's not too late. The pain will never go away entirely...not ever. But, you can use it to draw strength. I'm still taking baby steps and sometimes I fall down. But,the trick is to get back up, love yourself and keep going. Once you do that, and present a postive, strong attitude, you'll be surprised how many healthy people will be attracted to you. It works.
Luck and Love to YOU,
Lynne
Reply to this