It sounds like a very tall order but you can work at being physically healthy while you are divorcing a narcissistic husband or wife. During the marriage you may have neglected your health because your entire life was deferred to the demands of your narcissistic partner. He/she didn't  care how much sleep you got, what you ate, your stress level, exercise routine, physical symptoms suffered, flus, colds, asthma attacks, bouts of irritable bowel, migraine headaches. The list is endless. The narcissist's unawareness or lack of concern about your physical health is shocking but predictable. The only reason a narcissistic spouse would be concerned about your weakened condition is that you can no longer respond to his/her constant orders. Some narcissists become furious when their spouse is ill. They have no empathy for another person's suffering. The smooth machine of their lives is being disrupted by someone else's physical malady. How inconvenient for them! Getting sick was your fault.  In some instances the narcissist is so delusional that he feels it is your way at getting back at him.  

During a divorce process, everything becomes magnified. For some non-narcissistic spouses it is the merciful opening of the cage that holds the bird who can now fly freely into the endless sky. This is a precious moment to exhale for the first time in their lives. 

For a vast group of those divorcing a narcissistic spouse, it is very anxiety provoking and stressful  on all of the body systems. The red alarm of the sympathetic nervous system is going off:"Fight or Flight, Fight or Flight." 

There are effective ways of working with your body that will reduce your stress during the divorce process and for the rest of your life. First, learn how to breathe properly. Most of us breathe high in a constricted chest. Learning how to practice diaphragmatic breathing is invaluable to lessening stress. For specific information, check my ezinearticle entitled: Relief from Anxiety - Breathe Like an Opera Singer. Get your sleep. Sleep is the blessed healer, the preserver of physical and emotional health. If you can't sleep, learn how to let yourself rest your body, even for five to ten minutes. Teach yourself that it's not just ok but essential that you lie down.  Physical exercise is a tremendous health enhancer. Find the exercise that appeals to you and be consistent. Let yourself cry. Crying is an emotional and physical release that awakens the parasympathetic nervous system that fosters calmness. Write your feelings in a journal rather than stuffing them in your body. Talk to friends whom you trust and are capable of listening with compassion. Arrange some sessions with an excellent psychotherapist during the divorce period. With a good psychotherapist you are free to explore any emotion or behavior, to express your anger and rage, regret, grief and any other feeling that you are holding inside of your body. A good psychotherapist is highly empathic and you will experience the security of the therapeutic alliance you have formed with this skilled individual. The practice of gentle yoga decreases stress tremendously. This kind of yoga places an emphasis on the breath and doing poses that strengthen, release and calm the body. Make your physical health a priority now and into the future. You are entitled to feel strong, relaxed, alert, at ease and compassionate with yourself. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com