Narcissistic Femme Fatale
All narcissists have specific identifiable personality characteristics but each one is an individual. Both male and female narcissists are manipulative, deceptive, exploitive, self absorbed and incapable of genuine empathy. There is a segment of female narcissists who are predatory femme fatales. Femme fatale comes from the French phrase which literally means "fatal woman." Femme fatale is defined as a woman who uses seduction and charm to tempt men into compromising and sometimes dangerous situations. Today, with all of the professional, highly competent, independent women who are part of our society, we still have a small remnant of narcissistic women who can be described as predatory femme fatales. When push comes to shove they will use their extraordinary looks, sexual attractiveness and feminine guile to get exactly what they want from men.
I have watched highly skilled modern narcissistic femme fatales work a room, a boss, a boyfriend, a lover, a spouse. Despite their level of sophistication and professional achievements, the femme fatale turns to certain sure tactics to arouse desire and clinch their deal. These women are obsessed with their image. Physical attractiveness is a source of constant attention and upkeep.
The best femme fatales are covert. They appear to be friendly, considerate and innocuous but on close observation they give themselves away. At parties, they are cordial with the women but focus their laser beam attention on high powered, wealthy men. They dress just provocatively enough to attract male attention. There is a strong sexual vibration emanating from them. You sense that they feel superior to other women in their ability to attract and sexually exploit men to move their agendas forward. They turn up the sexual vibe, which is irresistible to the male target. Sauced in a state of sexual obliviousness, most men are clueless and helpless under the erotic spell of such women. Their act is highly polished. If they are seeking a higher professional situation, they gravitate precisely to the powerful man who will get them what they want. Most men are turned on and can't shut off the primal sexual switch. Many of these women move from one relationship to the next in their quest to be on top.
Children of these women are simply narcissistic supplies and ego enhancements. Narcissistic femme fatales cannot be real mothers to their children. Babies and little kids are a drain and a drag on them. They turn over the mothering to others. Some femme fatales abandon their children altogether, moving across the country to land a new career that will bring them material rewards and a luxurious lifestyle. They may go through the motions of being in contact with their children but the hard lifting is left up to an ex-spouse or another family member or hired help. The abandonment of their children is never given a second thought. They would never perceive it this way. They were given an opportunity to excel professionally and found others to take care of their children. That's it---no second thoughts.
Female narcissists who are femme fatales, will eventually psychologically and often financially dissemble the male they have chosen in order to move to higher lifestyle and social prestige levels that they crave and to which they are entitled. Often these women are married four or five times as they pivot from one wealthy man to the next in an ascending spiral of power seeking and a constant search for larger caches of narcissistic supplies.
Humankind will always produce narcissistic predatory females. In today's femme fatales we hear echos of their archetypal sisters: Salome, Lilith, Cleopatra, Carmen, Delilah, Madame Bovary. Learning to identify and deal with this type of predatory narcissistic woman will serve those who encounter them, personally and professionally. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
email:lmlphd@gmail.com
I have watched highly skilled modern narcissistic femme fatales work a room, a boss, a boyfriend, a lover, a spouse. Despite their level of sophistication and professional achievements, the femme fatale turns to certain sure tactics to arouse desire and clinch their deal. These women are obsessed with their image. Physical attractiveness is a source of constant attention and upkeep.
The best femme fatales are covert. They appear to be friendly, considerate and innocuous but on close observation they give themselves away. At parties, they are cordial with the women but focus their laser beam attention on high powered, wealthy men. They dress just provocatively enough to attract male attention. There is a strong sexual vibration emanating from them. You sense that they feel superior to other women in their ability to attract and sexually exploit men to move their agendas forward. They turn up the sexual vibe, which is irresistible to the male target. Sauced in a state of sexual obliviousness, most men are clueless and helpless under the erotic spell of such women. Their act is highly polished. If they are seeking a higher professional situation, they gravitate precisely to the powerful man who will get them what they want. Most men are turned on and can't shut off the primal sexual switch. Many of these women move from one relationship to the next in their quest to be on top.
Children of these women are simply narcissistic supplies and ego enhancements. Narcissistic femme fatales cannot be real mothers to their children. Babies and little kids are a drain and a drag on them. They turn over the mothering to others. Some femme fatales abandon their children altogether, moving across the country to land a new career that will bring them material rewards and a luxurious lifestyle. They may go through the motions of being in contact with their children but the hard lifting is left up to an ex-spouse or another family member or hired help. The abandonment of their children is never given a second thought. They would never perceive it this way. They were given an opportunity to excel professionally and found others to take care of their children. That's it---no second thoughts.
Female narcissists who are femme fatales, will eventually psychologically and often financially dissemble the male they have chosen in order to move to higher lifestyle and social prestige levels that they crave and to which they are entitled. Often these women are married four or five times as they pivot from one wealthy man to the next in an ascending spiral of power seeking and a constant search for larger caches of narcissistic supplies.
Humankind will always produce narcissistic predatory females. In today's femme fatales we hear echos of their archetypal sisters: Salome, Lilith, Cleopatra, Carmen, Delilah, Madame Bovary. Learning to identify and deal with this type of predatory narcissistic woman will serve those who encounter them, personally and professionally. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
email:lmlphd@gmail.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 6/25/2009 2:00 PM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissist
Tags: abandon their children sexually exploit men physical attractiveness sexual vibe femme fatale
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissist
Tags: abandon their children sexually exploit men physical attractiveness sexual vibe femme fatale
I can't comment on most of the predatory "archetypal sisters" you cite, but when I saw Madame Bovary on your list I wished to spring to her defense!
I admit I haven't read the novel in years. But it made a strong impression on me. I think Emma Bovary can be viewed as "narcissistic," in the sense that the word is often used to mean vain and self-centered, living in a dream world (she'd like her life to be like the romances she reads), with (I suppose) poor impulse control. Although she has an affair, and no good comes of it (to say the least) I don't find her to be the predatory "femme fatale" narcissist that you describe. Rather, I view her as a bored, disillusioned housewife stuck in the country in a sexless marriage. She has a sex drive, and an extremely romantic, unrealistic, impetuous heart. She ends up as the victim (though not the only one, to be sure, as she has a husband and child). I don't view her as a predator; I'd have to re-read, but I think maybe her lover is a predatory bounder.
In the end, I find Emma Bovary to be a tragic heroine for whom I feel great empathy. Her actions were immoral, but was she "evil"? I don't think so. I think she's more bored and deluded, histrionic maybe. Not to "absolve" her of her wrongdoing - but not to condemn her, either.
(From what I can tell, Edith Wharton's "The Custom of the Country," centering on one Undine Spragg, is the portrait of a callous, cruel, conniving, ruthless, opportunistic predatory femme fatale, of the type you describe in today's post. (From the jacket of my paperback: "Marriage remains the one institution through which she can exercise her will, as she entrances man after man, marrying one after the other with protean facility and almost monstrous avidity... [the novel is] a dark satire of American business, society, and the nouveaux riches.") )
I am wondering if there are subtypes of narcissistic females - even of the adulterous ones!
P.S. Regarding your post on Toxic Narcissist Family Members - it was like reading about my family of origin. Chiling - the four siblings each fell into the various roles that you lay out. I was struck by how fixed and archetypal these family patterns are - like a constellation, as you say.
Finally, I'm reading your book. Towards the end where you discuss how to stand up to a narcissist – having watched the White House press conference the other day, I couldn't help but think of President Obama, and how grounded and serene he is in dealing with a narcissistic milieu. With the White House press corps he was like a dolphin in a shark pool, and navigated masterfully. He reminds me of Tiger Woods. I don't mean to sound as though I'm idolizing him. What I mean is that there is a preternaturally calm, serene, centered quality to him – a rare gift.
Thanks for your thought-provoking writings!
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I've been done in by a few of these beauties. I still get tempted and can't say no. Femme fatales are riveting. Some day I'll get some sense. This blog post paints a clear picture of the women I can't refuse.
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I am in the process of getting divorced from a femme fatale after a 10 year relationship. For 9 1/2 of those years I would have described her as the most extraordinary wife, friend and lover that anyone could ever desire. We shared virtually all of the same interests and enjoyed the time we spent together more than any other couple that I know.
I believed that I had found the woman of my dreams and truly believed that this was the woman whose bright blue eyes would be the last thing that I gazed at when it finally came my time to die.
Amy was a friend to my first wife who I was married to for nearly 20 years but, sadly, died from brain cancer in 1998. Amy was "un-happy" in her own marriage (her 3rd) and our relationship began to "bloom." I learn of the sexual abuse perpetrated on Amy and her sister as young children (Her father actually spent time in prison for the abuse) I learned of a mother who went from man to man as Amy grew up. I learned of her anorexia as a child and her abusive marriages. We had long talks about life. Eventually the relationship became sexual and then I was hooked.
She divorced her 3rd husband and we were married in 2001. I was in heaven. Amy is an extraordinarily beautiful woman who attracts attentions everywhere she goes. I built her a new house, and bought her every new car that she wished for: Jeep, Mercedes convertible, Corvette. I supplied her with jewelry and designer clothes. I helped her get started in her own business as a Realtor, one that she excels at. The fact is with Amy, if you meet her in person, particularly if you are male, you are hooked. she has an extremely high rate of finding new clients through personal contact.
But, a few months ago, something changed. She became very moody and demanding and started to dictate ultimatums. My educated guess as to what happened is one or a combination of these two events. Her son decided to move to his fathers home and finish high school there. The financial situation of my business changed due to the recession, which put some needed control on her spending.
I found out 6 weeks ago that she had an affair. She initially was extremely remorseful, but that soon changed to contempt as she saw just how much her actions had hurt me. I made a huge mistake, I showed weakness by expressing my own emotions. She moved out 4 weeks ago.
My life has been miserable as I tried everything that I could to convince her that we can work through this. It wasn't until this last week that I woke up. I asked her if she felt any sadness that our 10 year relationship was ending this way. Her comment: "No, I'm happy." That was the revelation to me that she had absolutely no empathy. That is when I started to do some research and realized just what she is.
I'm proceeding with the divorce as fast as humanely possible. I feel fortunate that, although I am almost totally financial broke, I am only 50 and I have some time to earn it back.
God help her next victim.
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Nice post,
This is some interesting personality characteristics of a narcissist female,
Thanks
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Trying to see this image. Your layout isn't working correctly with safari browser on ipad.
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